No Malls in Middle Earth
by Lothelen
Summary: Ellie has a perfect figure, perfect nails, and a perfectly perfect life. What happens when she wakes up in Middle Earth and has to deal with dirt, bugs, bird poop, stinky men, and a really weird prophecy? T for language and minor suggestive themes.
1. Movie Night Went Wrong

**No** **Malls in Middle Earth: Movie Night Went Wrong**

**Authors Note: This is my big, clichéd, girl-gets dropped-in-Middle-Earth fanfic. Legomance and movie verse, starts post-Rivendell. Please read and review and tell me what you think!**

**Disclaimer: Not smart enough to create any stories of my own, so I torture the amazing characters of J.R.R Tolkien instead. Don't actually own them, so don't sue me please!**

**And now, on with the story!**

Ellie Birch pulled her low-cut pink T-shirt over her favorite Abercrombie & Fitch shorts and rolled her eyes.

"What I don't understand is why we have to watch Lord of the Rings. Can't we watch a rom-com or something?" she whined as her little sister Amber entered the room.

Ellie may have been pretty and blonde, but she had the attention span of a two-year-old hyped on sugar. Needless to say, sitting through a three hour movie about some prissy elves and hairy-footed midgets going on a stupid quest wasn't on her list of fun activities. Amber, being the classic braces-wearing, math whiz nerd, liked Lord of the Rings a little bit more than she liked Algebra, which was saying something.

"We're watching Lord of the Rings because it's my birthday, and you have to do what I want. And I want to watch _The Fellowship of the Ring_." Amber replied to her sister's complaints, rolling her eyes. Ellie sighed dramatically and flopped on Amber's bed. Her eyes found a picture of Elijah Wood and she flipped him off. Amber wasn't amused.

"Hey, be nice to poor Frodo! He carries a heavy burden," she said before gazing dreamily into Elijah's ridiculously blue eyes. Ellie would not go down without a battle.

"I've already watched that millions of times with you. I wanna watch something exciting, not some weird fantasy mumbo jumbo." She complained before getting one of her brilliant ideas. "Hey, why don't we watch _Mean Girls_?"

"No!" Amber shrieked. "The last time we watched that I had to listen to your stupid references for three hours. Three hours, Ellie!"

"That's no more than the running time of the first Lord of the Rings movie," she pointed out smoothly. Amber rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but Lord of the Rings is actually good. It is full of deep, philosophical questions about good and evil, right and wrong!" Ellie yawned. "_Mean Girls _is just stupid."

"It's not stupid!" Ellie exclaimed indignantly. "It's—" she searched for a word to describe the amazing awesomeness of _Mean Girls _"—Funny! And Regina George is perfect in every way."

"You _would _idolize Regina George," Amber said with another eye roll. "Since you're a living and breathing reincarnation of her, only stupider."

"Hey, watch it!" snapped Ellie. "And quit rolling your eyes or they'll get stuck that way."

"I rest my case," Amber said smoothly as she popped the disc in. "And don't even think about texting during the movie, missy," she snapped when Ellie reached for her phone. "Do you want popcorn?"

"Nah, too many carbs. You can have some though, it's your birthday after all."

"How are you going to see the movie if you're all the way over there? Come, my child!" Amber patted the spot next to her. Ellie scowled before joining her sister.

"Are you absolutely sure you don't want to go get manis and pedis instead?" she asked in desperation.

"Yes, I'm sure!" exclaimed Amber exasperatedly. "Now sit down and watch the damn movie!"

"Aww, look at my little Amby, all grown up and cussing!" Ellie cooed, patting her little sister on the head.

"Shut up! I want to watch the movie!"

"Alright, alright." Ellie sighed, resigned to her fate, and reluctantly focused her eyes on the movie screen.

Soon enough though, her mind wandered and the characters on the screen became an unimportant blur. When Frodo was being stabbed on Weathertop she was thinking about the $10 off a new bra coupon she had for Victoria's Secret and during The Council of Elrond her thoughts were with her best friend Sandra, her new boyfriend, and the movie they were seeing right now. Finally the screen went black, and Ellie looked up hopefully.

"Is it over?"

"Nope!" Amber replied happily. "That was just the halfway point. Hold on while I put disc two in." Ellie let out a loud groan and swooned dramatically. Amber rolled her eyes.

"Cut it out, you drama queen! It isn't that bad. Isn't Legolas dreamy?'

"Yeah, he is." Ellie agreed, when in truth the only thing she knew about Legolas was that he was an elf. She tried to pay a little more attention to disc two, but to no avail. She was thinking about other things.

Her thoughts were interrupted when the movie suddenly stopped and the screen went blank after the Fellowship began their perilous journey.

"What's going on?" She asked confusedly, but Amber looked just as bewildered as she was.

"I dunno. This never happened before." The blank screen soon became the least of the girls' problems when all the lights went out.

It was dark. Really dark. So dark she couldn't see her own hand two inches from her face.

"Amber? AMBER!" She shrieked in a panic, overcome with worry that she couldn't feel or hear her sister anywhere.

_"Calm down, my child, no one wishes to hurt you. You have a destiny you must fulfill in another universe. It is vital to the survival of many worlds."_

"Dude," Ellie whispered, "This is some pretty messed up shit. God, a disembodied voice is telling me I have a destiny to fulfill in another universe. That's like some crappy fanfiction plot made up by a crazy fourteen-year-old girl."

The voice didn't answer.

"Hello disembodied voice? Are you there?" Ellie said nervously. Hey, perhaps it wasn't ideal, but talking to disembodied voices was better than being completely alone in the dark. Sure enough, the voice returned, sounding faintly amused this time.

"_Soon you will come to this other world. Do not fear, for it may come to pass that you will see your home again. I offer you this warning: Only tell the truth when you are found. Deceit may lead to the downfall of all."_

"Hey, wait! Don't I get a say in this?" Ellie exclaimed indignantly. The voice laughed.

_No. Go now, for you are needed._

Ellie barely had a chance to call the voice something extremely obscene before she felt her chest constrict. Choking in terror and indignation, she managed to mutter an annoyed "Fuck it" before promptly passing out.


	2. Off The Deep End

**No Malls in Middle Earth: Off The Deep End**

**Authors Note: And here it is! The Second Chapter! Woo hoo! Please read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings so don't sue!**

When Ellie's eyes opened she saw several pointy things too close to her face for comfort. She felt like she had been run over by a truck. Every inch of her body was aching, she had a massive headache and her stomach felt like there were several live snakes writhing around inside of it. She rolled over and vomited violently, causing the guys holding the metal things (which turned out to be swords on closer inspection) to jump back. The movement caused her to look up and take in her surroundings, wiping her mouth as she did so.

Nine people were crowded around her, looking at her with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. Five of them were only a little more than half her height. Two were tall and regal men, one looked old enough to be her great grandfather, and one was a man with long blonde hair and pointy ears. Weird.

"What the fuck is going on?" Ellie's first words caused all nine men to cringe. She studied them more closely and her mouth dropped open in shock. Her blue eyes popped out comically.

"Oh. My. God. I must have hit my head when I fell. Gone off the deep end. This can't be happening! You're all from a stupid movie!" The Fellowship of the Ring just stared at her.

"This is bad, really bad. I've gone insane! I'm hallucinating about the Fellowship of the Ring. Oh my god, this can't be real." She leaned forward and hesitantly touched one of the guys holding a sword. He was definitely real. He was also tall and handsome with bright hazel eyes that flickered with rage at her touch. He thrust his sword forward threateningly (A/N: Get your minds out of the gutter!). Ellie recognized him as a guy named Arogarn or something like that. Something to do with a king.

"Who are you and where do you hail from? Are you a servant of the enemy?" He growled at her, his eyes flashing dangerously.

_Enemy, Enemy… _Ellie thought. _Wait! That's the ring dude! Weird hobby for a villain, really. What kind of evil dude makes pretty jewelry? Forget pretty, the ring is lame looking. Now if it had a diamond in it that would be—Oh, shit! Arogarn is gonna stick me with that sword._

"Uh—" Ellie stammered. "Er, I dunno how to explain this…"

"Speak!" The other man had stepped forward and looked down on her with disdain. "Unless you wish for your life to end!"

"Geez, fine! I'll speak! Take a chill pill!" Ellie responded indignantly. Her mind began racing to come up with a suitable story when she remembered what the lady said during the blackout: _Only tell the truth. _

_Right, _Ellie thought. _No prob, all I have to do is tell them I was randomly dropped here during a blackout and they're all characters in a story! Should easy. Except for the fact that they'll slit my throat if they don't believe me. _Although she didn't apply herself in school, Ellie was pretty smart. She knew all that was standing between her and death was some serious explaining.

"Okay, this is going to take awhile," she began nervously, eyeing the point of Arogarn's sword. "I come from a different world, where you guys are all fictional characters in some movies and I was watching one of the movies, except there was a blackout and then this lady's voice came and said something about telling the truth in destiny and the next thing I know I wake up and see some swords pointing in my face and realize that I'm in a world that doesn't exist." She finished in one breath.

"WHAT?" The nine incredulous voices probably scared all birds within a mile. The old man stepped forward.

"Please repeat yourself, my lady, and slower."

"Um, well, I come from San Diego, California in a place called Earth. In Earth, you guys are all fake characters in a movie." Seeing their confused looks, she attempted to explain. "Um, a movie is like a play only you can watch it over and over whenever you want. Anyway, you guys are all fake."

"I assure you my lady, we're quite real," one of the little ones (_Hobbits! I remembered what they're called!) _said with a look that clearly said he thought she had a couple of screws loose.

"I'm not saying you aren't," Ellie said hurriedly, eyeing the swords once more. "I'm just saying that in my world, you're just a story. I was watching one of the movies when the lights went out and this voice spoke to me. It said something about a destiny."

The old man gasped suddenly and turned to Arogarn (_Or was it Aragorn? I think that was it._).

"Over one hundred years ago, the Lady Galadriel made a prophecy using the mirror. The prophecy stated that a human from another world would arrive suddenly and aid in the fight against the Enemy. She would change the course of fate, and find a love that could not be. This may be the human! Although I must admit, I expected something else." He finished, casting a disdainful eye over Ellie's dirty clothes. Ellie looked down at herself and screamed. Very, very loud. But not about the prophecy. No, Ellie didn't care about unrequited love, changing fate, and all that boring stuff. What she cared about was the horrible state of her clothes.

"Oh my god! What the fuck happened to my clothes! These are my favorite shorts, and they don't wash well. What am I gonna do?"

"Keep your voice down! I will not believe your claim until you tell us something it would be impossible for you to know." The pointy-eared elf dude, who Ellie remembered was Legolas, hissed. He had winced when she screamed. Ellie wasn't listening. She was whimpering as she examined her beautiful legs, now covered in scratches an bruises, and her favorite white shorts, now stained with dirt.

"Tell us something from these _movies _that it would be impossible for you to know otherwise!" Legolas repeated himself impatiently. Ellie looked up and fidgeted nervously.

"Um," she began thinking about her little knowledge of the Lord of the Rings. "You're Legolas. And he's Aragorn," she continued, pointing at Aragorn. "He's a future king. And that's a sword," she offered lamely, gesturing at Boromir's sword.

"Well what else would it be?" one of the little dudes asked sarcastically. "A carrot?" The Fellowship ignored his comment and continued to stare at Ellie.

"Geez, why all the looks? Is there something stuck in my teeth?" she asked, becoming creeped out by all the attention.

"What is your name, my lady?" Aragorn offering her a hand, which she accepted. He pulled her to her feet.

"I'm Ellie Birch."

"Ellie." Mused Legolas. "Strange name. I have never heard of it before. Its sounds like a variation on _Elen, _the Sindarion word for star." _Oh cool,_ Ellie thought happily. _My name means star. Sort of._

"How old are you my dear?" the old man asked her kindly.

"I'm sixteen." (A/N: Please don't judge any romances due to her age. I don't want to make her any older.)

"I am pleased to meet you, my child. You may call me Gandalf. This is Legolas of Mirkwood forest, Boromir of Gondor, Gimli of the dwarves, the hobbits Merry, Pippin, Samwise, and Frodo, and Aragorn, son of Arathorn." Ellie recognized all the names and stared at the company in awe, thinking about how much her nerdy sister would kill to be in her position. Boromir cleared his throat.

"What is your knowledge of our fates? Do you know of the outcome of this war?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess. Well, actually, I never really paid attention to the movies so I don't really know anything." Ellie responded uncomfortably. Gandalf scrutinized her carefully.

"Well, you must never tell us what you do know. It could change the course of history and perhaps cause the downfall of us all." Ellie sighed unhappily. These people were so serious. Doom, Enemy, blah blah blah. She wished she were at a Starbucks drinking a mocha frappuccino (Light, of course) with a group of her girlfriends.

"Yeah, yeah, I won't."

"Um, my lady, do you have anything to wear?" Pippin had stepped forward and was blushing slightly. Ellie looked down at her outfit and blushed as well. Her tiny shorts and revealing shirt would hardly be considered appropriate attire in Middle Earth.

"Um, no. I don't have anything other than this."

"I can outfit her with a spare tunic and some leather trousers," Legolas offered. "I also have a pair of light leather boots, although they will be slightly large."

Ellie sighed. She would rather wear her stained shorts than some gross old tunic and leather pants. I mean, come on! Leather pants were from the '80s or something. She reluctantly accepted the clothing and looked around for something to use as a screen. There was nothing.

"Right, I have to change. Turn around and close your eyes. I'll be done in a minute." The Fellowship obliged and Ellie threw on the clothes as quickly as she could. They actually smelled clean, something she wasn't expecting. Apparently elves were hygienic.

"'Kay, you can look now," she announced as she laced up her second boot. "What happens next?" Apparently the Fellowship was asking the same question.

"We could take her back to Rivendell," Legolas offered. The hobbits perked up at the name and looked at Gandalf hopefully.

"It will cause to much of a delay," Gandalf said with a sigh. "We cannot risk the enemy becoming informed of our mission." The hobbits hung their heads dejectedly again.

"I will take her, if you wish," Aragorn volunteered.

"Nay, we cannot afford to travel without you Aragorn. You may be needed. The same goes for Legolas and Boromir."

"Surely you do not mean for her to travel with us!" Boromir exclaimed, looking outraged. "She is a woman!"

"Hey, what's wrong with being a woman?" Ellie protested indignantly.

"Woman belong at home, tending to the children. There is not place for a woman in this mission."

"Stop being such a male chauvinist pig!"

"How dare you speak to me in that insolent manner—"

"Quiet!" Gandalf boomed. Boromir and Ellie glared at each other, but said nothing. "We cannot leave her here. I'm afraid we have no choice but to take her with us. It is unfortunate, for we walk into peril. Hopefully we will find a safe place for her to stay."

"Great, I'm coming on a nearly impossible quest to save the world with a bunch of stinky men. I can't wait!" Ellie exclaimed sarcastically, but hung her head at the glares she received.

_Wonderful, _She thought. _Absolutely no sense of humor whatsoever. It's gonna be a long, long day._

O.o.O.o.O.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

"Party rock is in the house tonight. Everybody just have a good time. And we gonna make you lose your mind. We just wanna see ya shake that!" Ellie had been half singing, half yelling Part Rock Anthem for the last hour to entertain herself, and the entire Fellowship had a headache.

"Lass," Gimli began gruffly. "If you must sing, please sing something else!"

"But I like Party Rock Anthem!"

"Everyone else hates it."

"'Fine," Ellie said with a grin caused by sudden inspiration, and burst into song again.

_Let's go_

_People always say that my music's loud_

_Sorry for party rocking_

_Neighbors complain saying turn it down!_

_Sorry for party rocking_

_Haters don't like we got the spotlight_

_Sorry for party rocking_

_When they talk shit, we just be like_

_Sorry for party rocking_

Gimli chuckled a bit, and Ellie smiled. _At least someone here is willing to have a good time._

"Thank you lass, that was different," he said with a little smile. Ellie grinned back at him before she realized something. She had to pee. Bad.

Ellie had never been on a camping trip in her life. Both her parents were indoor sorts of people. Plus, dirt, bugs, and all that nasty stuff wasn't really her thing. So it's understandable that she had no idea what she was expected to do when she felt nature's call. Taking a deep breath, Ellie shouted at the top of her lungs.

"I GOTTA GO PEE!" The entire Fellowship turned to stare at her, all raising their eyebrows.

"So?" said Merry, looking incredulous. "What's stopping you? We'll wait." Ellie just looked at him confused.

"Did you get hit in the head? Just go find a bush," Pippin added carelessly. Sam cuffed him in the back of the head.

"That's no way to talk to a lady!" He exclaimed indignantly. Pippin scowled and rubbed his head reproachfully. Ellie looked so confused it was comical.

"First of all, I ain't a lady, and second: WHAT?"

"Master Peregrin was trying to tell you to find a suitable-er-area to carry out your elimination," Aragorn explained, looking extremely awkward.

"You mean pee behind a bush? With no toilet paper? And lots of bugs and dirt? And with all of you here?"

"Well, we aren't complete savages," Legolas countered indignantly. "We'll walk ahead a bit so you may have privacy."

"There is no way in hell I'm doing that," Ellie said, shaking her head.

"Well, unless you wish to wet yourself like a babe, I suggest you reconsider," Boromir added, still angry about their little fight earlier.

Ellie had no choice. While the Fellowship kept walking, she was forced to find a bush to carry out her business. And it was one of the worse experiences of her life. For the first time, the less glamorous aspects of joining the Fellowship were really sinking in. She would have to walk for hours without stopping, sleep on the cold hard ground, and probably eat cold meals frequently. Ellie felt so miserable and homesick then that she almost cried. Still, she jogged to catch up with the Fellowship, and when she did she didn't meet any of their gazes.

O.o.O.o.O.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

Ellie lay on her back staring at the stars. There was a root sticking into her back, the air was chilly, and she smelled horrible (Turns out the Fellowship didn't have any opportunities to bathe. Poop). Her legs were super cramped from walking for so long, and her head hurt from crying.

She turned on her side and saw Aragorn smoking his pipe. He had taken the first watch, and was using it for some nice good staring-into-space and thinking time.

"Watcha thinking about?" She asked, not really expecting an answer. Aragorn started slightly, before turning around to face her.

"Rivendell. You know what treasure it holds for me." Ellie struggled for a minute to think through his cryptic response before she remembered.

_Oh yeah, Aragorn is in love with some elf babe. Who gave him a necklace. Why are people in this world obsessed with jewelry?_

"Oh yeah, you have a girl there. That's cool." She wished she could think of something a bit more helpful to say. To her surprise though, Aragorn smiled.

"Yes, I do. Though I am no longer as sure as I was of my feelings," he continued, the smile turning into a slight frown.

"Do you love her?" Ellie asked, hoping she wasn't being too nosey. Aragorn didn't seem to mind the questions.

"I'm just not sure anymore. I wish she would sail with her people, and live forever in peace." he answered, his frown deepening. There was silence for a second before he shook himself out of his small trance. "Go to sleep Lady Ellie."

"You can cut the Lady stuff," Ellie mumbled before rolling over and falling into a deeper sleep than she ever imagined she would get in Middle Earth.

O.o.O.o.O.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

_There was her sister, tears streaming down her slightly pudgy cheeks as she attempted to explain things to her parents._

_ "I dunno what happened! All the lights went out, and I passed out. When I came to, she was gone! I'm sorry!" Amber wailed hysterically. Ellie's mother took her in her arms and squeezed her._

_ "It's alright darling, we're not angry. You didn't do anything wrong. We're proud of you for staying strong and telling us what happened. Don't worry, we'll find out where she is." Despite the confident words, Ellie could see the fear in her mother's eyes. Her father was disheveled and unshaven, looking older than Ellie had ever seen him._

_ "There is no logical explanation for it! People don't disappear in minutes without leaving a trace."_

_ "I'm sure we'll find out just what happened in time," Ellie's mum reassured. "For now, Amber needs her sleep. It's been a trying day for all of us."_

_ "That's the understatement of a century," her father muttered before leaving the room._

Ellie woke in a cold sweat. She was shaking uncontrollably. Her eyes found a bright star high above.

_Could my dream actually have been happening? _she wondered. Eventually she gave up on wondering and attempted to get some sleep. Only her sister's anguished expression kept creeping into her mind, banishing all pleasant dreams and thoughts.

O.o.O.o.O.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

**Author's Note: I'm done with chapter two! Yay! I would love reviewers so please, please, pretty, pretty please read and review. I'm open to criticism as long as it's polite! If you review, you get an ice cream sundae! Well, a virtual ice cream sundae anyway, but still a sundae!**


	3. Attack of the Bird Poop

**No Malls in Middle Earth: Attack of the Bird Poop**

**Author's Note: Thanks to my wonderful first reviewers! Big, big, big thanks, and continue to read and review. Sorry for not updating, I just finished school so I've spent the week working my ass off studying for finals! But summer's here, so I'll have plenty of writing time!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR, never will. Don't sue.**

The next morning, Ellie was so sore she seriously thought her legs would fall off when she rolled out of "bed" (in other words, two blankets and pack for a pillow).

"Oh shit, my legs are so cramped," she whined stumbling over to where the rest of the Fellowship was sitting. Gandalf gave her a sharp look.

"Lady Ellie, although I understand you had a difficult time yesterday, it is vital that we rise early. Please try to wake promptly each morning."

"Yes father," Ellie mumbled, still waking up and not really caring about sleeping late. "And don't call me lady!"

"It is courteous to address a woman as 'Lady'. I will respect you by using the proper title," Gandalf argued.

"Well, it's just weird where I come from," Ellie snapped back. "So drop it."

"You have no right to speak to Mithrandir that way," Boromir snarled, standing quickly. Ellie backed up a couple of steps. Still, she wasn't about to let some stupid man question her rights.

"And why not? Because I'm a _woman_?" she growled, the last word icily sarcastic. Boromir did not back down.

"Exactly. It is not your place to give orders to your superiors."

"I thought I told you yesterday to stop being such a fucking male chauvinist pig?" Ellie countered, her voice dangerously quiet. Aragorn hastily stood and placed his hand on her elbow.

"Please La—Ellie. Sit down and eat. We should not argue when the morning is young." Reluctantly, she sat down, but not without a scowl and a sigh. The scowl quickly morphed into an expression of incredulous excitement when she smelled something.

"Oh my god…is that bacon?" Sam looked up from where he was examining the contents of a frying pan over a small fire and smiled.

"Yes Milady, it most certainly is." Ellie rushed forward and hugged him so hard, the poor hobbit was sure he heard a couple of ribs crack.

"I love you so much Sam! You're the most amazing, wonderful, talented—"

"Thank you Milady, but would you mind lettin' go now?" poor Sam asked, turning blue from lack of air.

"Right, sorry," Ellie said quickly stepping back. She sat patiently with the rest of the Fellowship while waiting for the bacon to be done.

When it was finally finished, she wolfed it down so quickly Sam was sure she was going to choke. It felt marvelous to eat something that was hot, crunchy, and tasted like home.

"Mm fo gud" She muttered through a mouthful.

"I beg your pardon?" Frodo asked politely from his seat next to her.

"It's so good! Sam, you're an amazing cook!"

"Thank you Lady Ellie, I'm glad you liked the bacon," Sam responded. The Fellowship fell into awkward silence again. Ellie, who was a naturally social person, thought this was awful.

"You guys are really quiet."

"So?" Pippin didn't care if they were quiet; food was on the top of his list of priorities.

"You should talk more."

"Do you have any suggestions, _my lady_?" Boromir asked sarcastically, putting emphasis on "my lady". Ellie scowled. She decided that she really didn't like Boromir.

"Actually, yes, I do! I ask a question, and ya'all answer it!" She answered with a scowl. Pippin looked confused (Not that that was abnormal).

"What does ya'all mean?"

"You all," Ellie explained with a sigh. These people spoke like Shakespeare or one of those old timey folk. She racked her brains a bit to find a question that she could ask the Fellowship. It took longer than she thought it would; she didn't know what sort of questions the Fellowship would actually understand.

"Um, what's your favorite animal?" she started hesitantly. Nobody looked hopelessly confused, so she figured it was a valid question. She wondered if they had unicorns in Middle Earth. She liked unicorns; they were pretty and magical and…

"I like trees," Legolas answered, interrupting their thoughts.

"Trees aren't animals!" Ellie exclaimed indignantly.

"Why can't they be classified as animals?" Legolas asked, equally indignant. Ellie thought about his question for a moment before answering triumphantly.

"Because animals can't produce they're own food through photosynthesis!" Everyone looked at her like she was crazy.

"What is _fote-sin-theses_?" Frodo asked hesitantly.

"Er…never mind. It's nothing you need to worry about," Ellie replied with a nervous chuckle.

"I like pigs," Sam announced, hoping to bring the conversation back to the original question. Ellie looked at him puzzled.

"Why?"

"Because you can't make bacon without pigs, milady."

"Oh, right." giggled Ellie, thinking of the delicious bacon she just ate.

"Lady Ellie," Gandalf began, and Ellie sighed exasperatedly.

"Please don't call me lady!"

"I apologize La—Ellie. We need to get moving. We can continue this conversation as we walk."

"Alright, sounds fine with me," she agreed happily before getting up and brushing some stray dirt off her tunic.

"Let's get this show on the road."

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

Days passed in a blur for Ellie. Her legs were killing her from walking so much, she usually had a crick in her neck from sleeping in funny positions on the ground, she wasn't used to the lack of food (the Fellowship couldn't have bacon everyday), and she needed a shower desperately. Still, she smelled like roses compared to all nine men (except Legolas, of course).

Ellie quickly discovered not to expect too much conversation from the members of the Fellowship that were taller than her. The hobbits and Gimli, however, spoke and joked constantly, cheering her up and making the hiking a bit easier.

One afternoon, the Fellowship members were resting near some large boulders and carrying out the all important tasks of sitting around in silence and smoking (although Boromir was attempting to teach Merry and Pippin sword fighting.) Ellie was perched on a rock, trying to ignore how stinky, sore, and miserable she was when Legolas stopped to sit next to her.

"Lady Ellie," he spoke as a greeting, blonde hair fluttering slightly in the breeze. Ellie, who knew good hair when she saw it, couldn't help but admire how clean and smooth it seemed. She suddenly felt self-conscious.

"Hey Legolas, sorry if I'm offending you with my horrible body odor." He laughed a light, tinkling laugh.

"It is perfectly alright, I am used to traveling in less than desirable conditions that don't allow for bathing."

"How do you keep yourself so clean?" she asked, genuinely curious. Heck, she wished she could look that good without makeup, hair-care products, or soap.

"'Tis a gift that the elves possess. I am sorry that I cannot offer you a more detailed explanation."

"That's alright, I'm good," Ellie replied, sighing. They fell into a comfortable silence, and Ellie looked around at her surroundings. The smooth white boulder she was sitting on was pleasantly warm, the sky a pristine blue, and the mountains seemed to be sporting elegant, purple smiles. For the first time, she appreciated how beautiful it was in Middle Earth.

"It's a lot nicer looking here than it is back home," she commented, and Legolas smiled.

"I do not know much about your home, but Arda is truly an enchanting place. My home holds much splendor."

"Where is your home?"

"My people live in the forest of Mirkwood. I miss it very much, though it has been tainted by the enemy."

"What do you mean?"

"Giant spiders, mainly." Ellie shuddered visibly. She hated the tiniest bug, the idea of a huge spider was enough to make her blood run cold. Legolas must have noticed her reaction, because he quickly changed the subject.

"What is your home like?" Ellie felt a twinge of guilt at the mention of her home. She missed her family.

"Well, it's a lot different from here. We don't have elves and dwarves and stuff. Only humans. We have lots of cool stuff that you guys don't have like cars and computers and cell phones and—You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you?"

Legolas was listening to her ramblings with rapt attention, but was puzzled, to say the least. He had never heard of these _cellfones _and had no idea what a _kar _was, and it showed in his expression.

"I'm afraid I don't, Lady Ellie, but if fascinates me nonetheless." Ellie smiled at him. She paused a moment to watch the hobbits wrestle with Boromir before speaking.

"Well, in that case, I'll keep rambling. It's nice talking about home. Do you wanna hear about my family? My sister's name is Amber. She's really—"

Legolas never got to hear what Ellie's sister was, because at that moment, Sam decided to look at the sky.

"What is that?" he asked, puzzled. Ellie glanced up and saw a vague blackish shape. Gimli, who had been speaking with Gandalf, offered his opinion.

"It's nothing, just a wisp of cloud."

Boromir pointed out an obvious problem with this theory.

"It's moving fast…against the wind." Legolas leapt up on the boulder, causing Ellie to tumble over.

"Fuck! Legolas, be more careful!" she shrieked when her head bonked the ground. Legolas wasn't listening.

"Crebain from Dunland!" He shouted.

"Hide!" Aragorn ordered urgently. Ellie scrambled under a boulder, where she crouched nervously, completely unaware of what was going on. The Fellowship scurried about, covering their tracks and hiding from the Crebain.

It seemed like she was shoved under that huge rock for ages. She became curious about what was going on, so curious, she decided to peek out from her hiding place just to see what was happening.

She stuck her head out a tiny bit. She had a brief view of a bunch of crows before something wet splattered on her head.

_Oh. My. God. Is that what I think it is?_ She reached a hand tentatively to her head.

Moments later, a blood curdling shriek rang out.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! A BIRD POOPED ON MY HEAD! MY HAIR, MY GORGEOUS HAIR!" Ellie was hyperventilating. She could feel the cold wet poop in her hair, and it made her shiver uncontrollably.

Ellie was a very vain young woman. She loved her lush, golden hair. Not being able to shower, and having to piss behind bushes was extremely damaging to her pride, but having bird poop on her head was a whole new level of horror. Even worse, she couldn't wash it off!

The nine walkers heard her shriek and, when the crows were gone, looked to see what all the fuss was about. They saw Ellie, cowered under a rock and sobbing uncontrollably.

"What happened? Are you hurt?" Gandalf asked worriedly. Ellie lost what little control of herself she had. She could barely speak.

"A b-bird p-pooped on m-my hair! My b-beautiful, luscious, b-blonde hair! And I c-can't wash it off! I s-stuck my h-head out to see w-what was going on and it p-p-pooped on my head! What am I g-gonna do?"

The Fellowship of the Ring stared for a moment. Gandalf then proceeded to explode.

"Idiotic girl! Not only did you reveal yourself to the Crebain, but your scream alerted them to our presence even further! Do you how dangerous of a position we are in? Those birds are spies of Saruman! And you drew attention to us just because a bird carried out its elimination on your head!"

Ellie sniffed. She felt a little bit guilty. Still, how was she supposed to know the dumb birds were dangerous?

"Well you could have told me what was going on!" she countered indignantly. "I didn't know those stupid crows were dangerous." Gandalf and the rest of the Fellowship continued to glare at her.

"Just what you could expect from a _woman_," Boromir sneered.

"Boromir! She may have made a mistake but you still must keep a civil tongue." Gandalf reprimanded, looking at Ellie. She was staring at her toes, the bird droppings in her hair easily visible. He felt a bit sorry for her.

"We must continue onwards. I forgive Lady Ellie for her foolish actions. Think more carefully in the future." he said, smiling at her kindly. She smiled back, her eyes still a bit watery. Gandalf turned back to the Fellowship.

"The passage South is being watched. We must take the pass of Caradhras!" He gestured to a large, snowy mountain. A very large, snowy mountain. Everybody inwardly gulped, but prepared to continue.

The Fellowship spent the rest of the day trudging towards Big, Scary Mountain, as Ellie had christened it. She lagged behind a bit, lamenting over the lack of shampoo and conditioner. Who knew when she would have an opportunity to bathe?

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

_Turn the lights out now_

_Now I'll take you by the hand_

_Hand you another drink_

_Drink it if you can_

_Can you spend a little time,_

_Time is slipping away,_

_Away from us so stay,_

_Stay with me I can make,_

_Make you glad you came_

_The sun goes down_

_The stars come out_

_And all that counts_

_Is here and now_

_My universe will never be the same_

_I'm glad you came_

Ellie sang to herself softly as she gazed at the stars, lying flat on her back. The nine walkers were sitting in silence, brooding over serious things she didn't understand. She had sat with them at first, trying to fit in, but eventually, she grew tired of the lack of conversation and made to turn in early, only she couldn't sleep. So she sang to herself.

"You have a pretty voice." She looked over to see Pippin sitting next to her. She sat up hastily.

"Thanks. Don't know any Middle-Earthy songs though." Pippin grinned at her.

"I only know lots of drinking songs. And a couple things I picked up from Bilbo and Frodo. I could teach you them sometime, if you'd like it."

"Actually, that sounds wonderful. What are you doing here anyway? Got tired of the silent, serious men?" Pippin chuckled and nodded.

"Aye, I saw you were awake and decided to join you."

"Thanks. Whaddya want to talk about?"

"Hmmm. I don't really know." Ellie thought about what sort of a question she could ask Pippin.

"What's the Shire like?" she finally settled on.

"It's beautiful. Very green, and the best ale and food in all of Middle-Earth." Pippin replied, a wistful smile on his face.

"Mmm." Ellie replied, imagining it. Her stomach growled slightly. "Food. That sounds good. I'd love some real food. Something really yummy, like a milkshake or some chocolate. Hey, do you guys have chocolate here?" Her question was answered with Pippin's puzzled expression.

"What is _choclate_?"

"Oh, you poor sad people," Ellie gasped. "Living without chocolate! It's the most sweet, delicious, drool-worthy food ever!" Pippin looked extremely excited and licked his lips. They both sat, drooling and imagining rich, dark chocolate, when Aragorn decided to saunter over and spoil their happy little food fantasy.

"It is late. You should try to get some rest." he suggested, before heading back to prepare for first watch.

Ellie laid her blankets over to where the hobbits were. She wanted to have some company.

She settled in next to Frodo, who seemed to already be asleep. Smiling, Ellie drifted off, and dreamt of thick, creamy chocolate bars.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

**Author's Note: There ya go! Mainly a filler chapter, but some nice character interactions. As for who Ellie's going to end up with, I've decided, but you're just gonna have to wait and find out! Mua ha ha ha!**

**CrocScale: Ha ha, I like that part too! I'll try to incorporate more funny bits with the hobbits in the future.**

**kaotochi: I'm glad you like it! Hope you continue to read, review, and enjoy!**

**Mormeril Dark Lady of Insanity: Glad it looks promising to you. Here's another chapter!**


	4. Snow Days and a Kraken

**No Malls in Middle Earth: Snow Days and a Kraken**

**Authors Note: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews! I can't tell you how much it means to me that people are reading this and taking time to comment on my writing. Continue reading and enjoy this chapter!** **Oh, and I'm gonna be spending next week in San Diego, so I won't have much time to write. Although I'll try to crank out a chapter when I'm not busy lazing at he beach.**

**Disclaimer: I'm not dead, so I'm Tolkien, so I don't own The Lord of the Rings.** **Oh, and any songs I use are not mine. That includes songs in the last two chapters.**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Snow, snow, snow, and guess what? More snow! Not that Ellie minded that much. It didn't snow much in San Diego so she'd only seen snow once or twice in her entire life, making it understandable that she was super excited.

She was happily trudging through the blankets of cold white, singing Christmas carols.

_Dashing through the snow_

_On a pair of broken skies_

_Tripping over rocks_

_Crashing into trees_

_The snow is turning red_

_I think I'm almost dead_

_I wake up in the hospital_

_With ski poles in my head_

_Jingle bells, Batman smells_

_Robin laid an egg_

_Batmobile lost a wheel_

_And Joker got away_

_Hey!_

The Fellowship had been grumbling about her obnoxious songs, and Ellie's rendition of Jingle Bells pushed them over the edge.

"Lass, if you wouldn't mind, please BE QUIET!" shouted Gimli, loosing his cool. Ellie scowled at him.

"Well aren't you all just a bunch of party poopers. Fine then, I'll be quiet, but mark my words, you're gonna miss my singing soon, yes siree. You're gonna wish you had something to entertain yourselves with and beg me to sing again but—"

"Please Lady Ellie," Aragorn began exasperatedly. "Just be quiet."

"Fine," Ellie huffed. "And don't call me lady!"

"Oh no," groaned Pippin, "Here comes the Lady argument." He was saved from the usual banter when Frodo took a tumble down the mountain. If Aragorn hadn't caught him, thinks would've got really messy.

"Geez Frodo! Be more careful! Falling off a huge mountain shouldn't be on your to-do list!" Ellie chided, but no one was listening.

"Fine then," she huffed. "Ignore my sagely advice." Then she saw what was causing the silence.

The Ring, which had fallen when Frodo tripped, had been picked up by Boromir. He was looking at it with something like reverence. Ellie suddenly felt very uneasy. Apparently Aragorn shared the feeling.

"Boromir!" he shouted warningly. Boromir ignored him.

"It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing…such a little thing." he whispered, the reverence in his face becoming apparent in his voice. Ellie gazed at the ring and felt something, a small murmur in the corner of her mind. The ring glinted in the sunlight. She suddenly felt an urge to reach out and take it…

"Boromir! Give the ring to Frodo." Aragorn's voice snapped Ellie out of her thoughts. The moment passed and Boromir returned the Ring to Frodo, who snatched it quickly.

"As you wish," Boromir said lightly, ruffling Frodo's dark brown curls. "I care not." He chuckled, and moved away. Ellie noticed Aragorn gazing at him suspiciously though. She shivered uneasily and prepared to continue with the rest of the Fellowship.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

An hour later, Ellie was shaking from the cold. The fun of the snow had long since disappeared and the Fellowship trudged in heavy silence. Every step was getting heavier and Ellie became aware of the fact that she could see her breath cloud before her eyes.

A warm hand touched her shoulder. She looked up to see the sparkling blue eyes of Legolas gazing at her with concern.

"Lady Ellie, are you alright? You seem very cold." he observed, obviously worried. Ellie gave him a shaky smile and wondered at how perfect his face was for a second. She had an urge to reach up and touch his cheek and find out if that beautiful skin was really as soft as it looked…

"Lady Ellie?"

"I'm okay Legolas, just not used to the low temperature." She answered, hoping he didn't notice anything odd about her expression. Legolas took off his cloak and threw it over her shoulders.

"That will keep you warmer. We can't have you freezing to death." he said kindly. Ellie looked at him with wide eyes.

"Won't you need it? I mean, I appreciate it, and it's really nice, but it's your cloak and you're much more important than me." said Ellie, stumbling over her words. She blushed, embarrassed. _Oh my god, I sound like such an idiot. He's probably offended to even talk to me._

"It is perfectly alright Lady Ellie," Legolas assured her with a kindly smile. "Elves are not affected by cold the same way humans are. I'll be fine."

Ellie just nodded and breathed in deeply. The cloak smelled wonderful, like pine needles and some earthy scent she couldn't name. Legolas walked ahead, stepping lightly on the surface of the snow.

_I wish I were an elf_, Ellie thought with a sigh. _Beautiful, immortal, permanently clean, can't feel_ _cold, and able to walk on snow. Who wouldn't want to be one?_

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

The Crebain returned to their master, wings beating rhythmically like fell drums. Saruman stood, watching as his orcs forged weapons and armor. The walls glowed red from the fires, illuminating the White Wizard.

"So, Gandalf, you try to lead them over Caradhras. And if that fails…where then will you go? You plan to bring a mortal woman on your journey. But such a woman will endanger your mission. I know where she hails from, what knowledge she possesses." Saruman was almost as fascinated by Ellie as he was with the Ring. And he had a plan to retrieve her.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

Ellie was shivering so violently Legolas was sure the cold had overcome her. The cloak he had given her was completely soaked through with snow, making it harder for her to continue trudging up the mountainside.

She was so cold she couldn't feel any of her limbs. The nine walkers were blurry figures muted by the flying snowflakes. She continued walking, her legs numb from pain and freezing temperature. Even the hobbits were ahead of her.

"So cold," she whispered. She tried saying the same thing louder but her voice didn't seem to work. She couldn't take another step. Breathing heavily, she collapsed on the snow.

"Gandalf, Lady Ellie!" Legolas shouted. Boromir, who was keeping an eye on the hobbits at the back of the pack, turned around and saw her frail figure lying still in the snow. He turned back and picked her up. Sure, the woman annoyed him, but he wasn't about to let her freeze to death.

Ellie was vaguely aware that someone was carrying her. She fought to remain conscious as Boromir hurried to catch up with the group.

"It's alright, I have her!" he assured The Fellowship, and Legolas let out a sigh of relief. His relief didn't last long though, as his elf ears heard the voice of Saruman commanding the blizzard.

"There is a fell voice in the air."

"It's Saruman," Gandalf said, sighing. A crack of thunder rumbled and boulders tumbled down, barely missing the Fellowship.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain!" yelled Aragorn. "Gandalf we must turn back."

"I second that," Ellie whispered hoarsely. Boromir heard her, and smiled slightly. Gandalf, however, was being a stubborn mule.

"No!" he shouted, and then proceeded to yell some mumbo jumbo. _Probably trying to stop the storm_, Ellie mused. _Not gonna work, Dude. The mountain can't understand you, and that Sourman guy ain't gonna hear you either. _

Ellie was right. The chanting didn't work. In fact, things got worse. A huge waterfall of snow and ice cascaded down the mountainside, enveloping the nine walkers in freezing white.

Ellie couldn't move or breathe. Panic set in. She screamed, only to get a mouthful of snow. She struggled and tried to dig herself out, but to no avail. Finally, a small window appeared in the snow, and Ellie could see Aragorn's rugged face. She waited patiently until he dug her out all the way.

"Thank god, I thought I was gonna suffocate. That was so scary!" She exclaimed, feeling dizzy with relief, she was about to collapse again, except Legolas caught her. She felt strangely comfortable in his arms, despite the horrible conditions.

"Stay strong, Lady Ellie. Hopefully Gandalf will see sense soon, and we may turn back."

"He better do something soon, or I'm gonna have a bone to pick with him," Ellie said threateningly.

"We must get off the mountain! Make for the gap of Rohan and take the west road to my city!" Boromir's loud voice made Ellie's head spin. She clutched Legolas' arm for support.

"The gap of Rohan takes us too close to Isengard." Aragorn protested.

"We cannot over the mountain. Let us go under it. Let us go through the mines of Moria." Gimli offered his opinion, and Ellie shuddered. She didn't want to go through any stinky, dark, damp mines. Gandalf looked troubled, and spoke reluctantly.

"Let the ringbearer decide."

"Well that's nice! Make poor Frodo decide everything." Ellie said sarcastically. "He's obviously not doing enough by carrying an extremely evil ring. Let's force him to make all the important decisions too!"

Everyone ignored her. They were all staring at the pressured hobbit.

"Frodo?" Gandalf pressed. The hobbit's blue eyes grew determined.

"We will go through the mines." he announced.

"Crap, I don't wanna go through the stinky mines. Way too creepy and dark." protested Ellie. Once again, everyone ignored her. Gandalf nodded at Frodo.

"So be it."

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

"Ewwwwww! The water's all slimy!" Ellie whined when her foot accidently sunk into the dreary lake. They were hiking to the stinky mines, something Ellie had been complaining about non-stop. Finally, Boromir told her to shut up (well, not exactly 'shut up'. He actually said 'silence yourself', but still same difference). Ellie had been sulking ever since.

"The walls of Moria!" Gimli said with awe, gazing at the massive cliff on the other side of the lake.

"Great. Wonderful. Just peachy." Ellie grumbled sarcastically, not nearly as impressed as the rest of the Fellowship. They continued walking alongside the lake, trying not to slip on the greasy stones.

"Dwarf doors are invisible when closed," Gimli informed them, tapping his axe against the smooth rock.

"Yes Gimli," Gandalf agreed. "Even their own masters cannot find them if their secrets are forgotten.

"Why doesn't that surprise me?" asked Legolas sarcastically. Ellie snorted with laughter, but tried to turn it into a cough when she saw Gimli's expression. Meanwhile, Gandalf had been observing the walls, looking for a door. He laid a palm against the stone.

"Now…let's see. Ithildin," he mused. "It mirrors only starlight and moonlight." The moon rose over the mountains, and Ellie gasped when faint silver lines appeared on the smooth rock, interweaving and growing broader. Finally, a majestic image of two trees had appeared.

"It's beautiful." breathed Ellie. The others nodded in agreement. Gandalf was pondering the runes above the trees.

"It reads, 'The door of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.'"

"What do you suppose that means?" Merry asked.

"Oh, it's quite simple. If you are a friend, you speak the password and the doors will open." Gandalf explained before turning his full attention to the doors.

"Annon edhellen, edro hi ammen!" he commanded. Ellie shivered a bit at how powerful the wizard seemed. The doors stood firm.

"Fennas Nogothrim, lasto beth lammen." Gandalf tried again.

"Nothing's happening." Pippin oh-so-helpfully observed.

"No, really?" Ellie gasped sarcastically. "I was sure the doors were opening."

"I once knew every spell in the tongues of Elves, Men, and Orcs," Gandalf mused, not really listening to Ellie and Pippin's exchange.

"What are you going to do then?" asked Pippin.

"Knock your head against these doors Peregrin Took!" Gandalf snapped, growing annoyed. "And if that does not shatter them, and I am allowed a little peace from foolish questions, I will try to find the opening words."

Ellie chuckled. Suddenly, she remembered something from watching _The Fellowship of the Ring_ with her sister.

"Hey! I know! The password's some kind of fruit!" Ellie turned towards the doors. "Hmmm, let's see. Cantaloupe!"

The Fellowship stared at her like she was insane. The doors didn't open.

"Excuse me Lady Ellie," Pippin began politely. "Did you hit your head recently?" Sam gave him a disapproving whack on the arm.

"I just know it's a fruit! Maybe…banana! Um-cherry? Orange? Fig? Damn this isn't working!" Ellie cried, frustrated. Gandalf looked really pissed.

"Sit down!" he ordered her harshly. "The password isn't a fruit, foolish girl!"

Ellie plopped on a rock and scowled. She cast a disdainful eye over her surroundings, and watched as Aragorn freed Bill.

Gandalf continued trying different passwords on the door, but to no avail. They held fast. Meanwhile, Pippin and Merry decided throwing rocks at the lake would be a good source of entertainment. Ellie was just about to get up and join them, when Aragorn stopped the two hobbits from continuing their activities.

"Do not disturb the waters." he said ominously. Ellie's scowl deepened and she sat back down.

"I am so frickin' bored! Why the hell are we still out here?" Gandalf glared at her before sitting down next to Frodo, admitting his defeat in finding the opening words. Frodo, however, smiled as he looked up at the lettering.

"It's a riddle…"

The water in the lake rippled.

"Speak, friend, and enter. What's the Elvish word for friend?"

"Mellon." Gandalf said. The doors slowly swung outwards.

"I was right! Ha!" Ellie shrieked excitedly, leaping up. "I said it was a fruit, and melon is a fruit! Ha! I am so good…"

They proceeded to head through the doors and into the pitch-black mines, Gimli chattering excitedly.

"Soon, master elf," he said to Legolas. "You will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves; roaring fires, malt beer, red meet off the bone!"

"Like, ewwww!" Ellie exclaimed, thoroughly disgusted. "Red meat? Do you mean, like, raw meat? That is sooo gross." Gimli sent her a dirty look and continued.

"You speak of what you don't know, lass. This, my friend, is the home of my cousin Balin. And they call it a mine! A mine!"

"This is no mine, it's a tomb!" observed Boromir, his expression grim. The nine walkers looked around carefully for the first time.

Dusty skeletons of dwarves were littered on the floor, they're armor rusted and peppered with blood. Gimli cried out in anguish. Ellie's stomach lurched unpleasantly at the gory sight. She promptly kneeled over and vomited violently. The Fellowship looked at her worriedly. She took a shaky breath and explained.

"I don't like blood too much, but I can stand it. All these corpses though…it's just to much for my stomach." She heaved again. "I'll be fine."

"Goblins!" Legolas announced. The walkers drew their swords and backed away towards the entrance (except Ellie, who was wiping her mouth on her sleeve and shakily getting up.).

"We make for the gap of Rohan." Boromir stated. "We should never have come here."

At that moment, a long, slimy tentacle wrapped around Frodo's ankle, pulling the hobbit to the ground. He shrieked in utter terror, causing Aragorn, and Boromir to leap into action.

Ellie saw more slimy tentacles rise out of the water. The men hacked away, trying to free poor Frodo. Then, a hideous head rose out of the water, causing Ellie to shriek like a five-year-old girl and very nearly wet her pants.

"Ohmygodohmygod! It's a kraken!" Ellie then proceeded to run around like a chicken with its head cut off, that is, until she slammed into Legolas.

"Lady Ellie, go into the mines! This situation is far too dangerous for you." Ellie obliged, but before she retreated, a stroke of courage hit her. She picked up a fairly large rock, and, with all her strength, hauled it at the monster. The creature didn't notice, and continued trying to eat Frodo.

"What the hell. I'm getting outta here," Ellie said to no one in particular. She ran into the mines.

The kraken released Frodo, and Legolas shot its head with an arrow, delaying the monster. The Fellowship managed to scramble into the mines before the creature slammed the doors shut, causing them to collapse in a shower of boulders. Everything went pitch black.

"Eep! I don't like the dark!"

"Lady Ellie, keep your voice down! There are goblins in these mines."

"Sorry."

Gandalf's face suddenly glowed in a faint light emitting from his staff. Ellie shuddered. He looked sort of creepy.

"We now have but one choice. We must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard. There are much older and fouler things than orcs in the deep places of the world."

"Well aren't you just a little ray of sunshine. Thanks for the optimism, Grandpa."

"Quietly now," Gandalf said, ignoring Ellie. "It's a four-day journey to the other side. Let us hope our presence may go unnoticed."

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

**Authors Note: I got a lot of ground covered in this chapter. It was hard for me to write, but it's done now, and I hope you enjoyed it! Don't own Ellie's messed up version of Jingle Bells at the beginning (Not sure who does). Recognizable dialogue is from the Extended Edition of **_**The Fellowship of the Ring**_**. Remember, read and review, and I'll be a very happy person! ^_^**

**Glory Bee: Glad you like that funny bit! This is not going to be an Aragorn/OC pairing, so I hope you continue to read! I think it's pretty obvious that Ellie is going to end up with (drum roll, please)…Wormtongue! JK, this is going to be a Legomance.**

**Abi. TheBakersGirl: Don't worry; I have no intention of quitting this story. I'm gonna see it through to the bitter end. So stay tuned, and thanks or the review!**

**xTallyxPennyx: I'm glad you think this is a bit different. I was worried this was a bit too clichéd, and I didn't want Ellie to be a typical Mary Sue fangirl with excellent survival skills character. I want her to start out as weak, but slowly mature, eventually finding romance with a certain prince of Mirkwood. ;)**

**kaototchi: Thank you so much for your reviews, and for favoriting my story! It means a lot to me, and I hope you'll continue to read!**


	5. Afraid of the Dark

**No Malls in Middle Earth: Afraid of the Dark**

**Authors Note: I just watched **_**Fellowship of the Ring. **_**It moves me each time I watch it, I nearly cried when Boromir died! Anyways, I have lots of inspiration for this chapter. Thanks to kaototchi and Glory Bee for continuing to read and review my story! Remember, reviews make the author happy and when the author's happy, updates are sooner!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Lothelen: I own it all! Mua ha ha ha!**

**Frodo: Actually, she doesn't. Right now she's just acting a little bit insane…**

**Lothelen: Moment of insanity has passed! I don't own Lord of the Rings, so don't sue!**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

On her first morning (or at least she _thought _it was morning; the mines were so dark you couldn't tell) in the mines of Moria, Ellie discovered a rather unpleasant surprise. A surprise she should have expected, since it was that time of month. But, the joys of being a woman were the last things on her mind, so it's understandable that when she retreated that morning to use the bathroom, she let out a low moan and burst into tears.

"Is something the matter, Lady Ellie?" Frodo asked when she returned to "camp" (couple of blankets and a few packs) sniffling and with tear tracks on her face. She just plopped down and tried to get a hold of herself.

"What's wrong?" Merry asked. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine, I guess. Um, does anyone have any spare cloth?" Ellie asked awkwardly, looking at her feet. "I-er-need to blow my nose. Really, really badly." She sniffed once or twice for good measure.

"I have a small rag with me. Will that do?" Legolas offered, holding out a scrap of fabric.

"Yeah, that'll work fine." Ellie took the cloth and retreated quickly once more, leaving the Fellowship to exchange "women: they're so strange" looks.

She returned feeling a bit better, though was at loss as to how she was going to handle her period when travelling with nine oblivious males in a dark, stinky cave for four days.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.

"It's way too quiet in here. And dark. And creepy." Ellie said as the ten walkers climbed a narrow flight of stairs.

Ellie wasn't taking the mines of Moria very well. In fact, she was downright terrified and miserable. Every single sound made echoed ominously, and the dark was so intense she could barely see anything. It didn't help that she had didn't really have any way to deal with her period without starting extremely awkward conversations. She did the best she could with the small rag and reassured herself that she was so smelly anyways, it didn't really matter. The Fellowship had noticed her foul mood, and they were being quite kind to her, something she was extremely appreciative of.

"I know Lady Ellie," Gandalf said gently. "The silence doesn't feel right. Still, there is nothing we can do except continue, and hope for the best."

Ellie nodded and tried her hardest not to look down. Instead, she focused her attention on the rock wall next to her. Faint veins of a dark, rich silver interlaced, shining strangely. She let out a little gasp.

"Is that silver?"

"The wealth of Moria was not in gold or jewels, but in Mithril," explained Gandalf.

"Come again?" Ellie asked, puzzled.

"Mithril is a type of silver," Legolas offered. "It is a very valuable metal. See how much it shines." He ran a hand along a thick vein, and the Mithril sparkled.

"Cool. Mithril's pretty. I don't think we had it back home. If we did then you would probably be able to get Mithril jewelry at Tiffany's," Ellie mused.

"What is _Tiffany's_?" Frodo asked.

"It's a jewelry store. A place where you can buy rings, necklaces, bracelets, and earrings. Hey, Sauron could open a Middle Earth branch of Tiffany & Co." Ellie giggled. "He could sell rings of power or whatever. I can see it now: 'Come buy an exclusive platinum edition of the One Ring!'"

"Do not speak of such things!" Gandalf reprimanded sharply. "It is not wise to jest about such serious matters."

"Sorry," Ellie said hastily. She quickly changed the subject. "So, can you get Mithril jewelry?" Ellie loved pretty things, and her imagination quickly conjured up an image of a Mithril tiara set with diamonds. She sighed dreamily.

"Bilbo had a shirt of Mithril rings that Thorin gave him." Gandalf answered her question. Ellie tried to remember who Bilbo was, but failed.

"Um, who's Bilbo?"

"Frodo's uncle," Pippin supplied. "Well cousin, technically, but he's much more like an uncle."

"That's cool. I have a crazy Uncle Andrew. At my birthday last year, he seemed to think I was his dead wife. Kept calling me Agatha." She noticed the nine walkers were giving her oddd looks, and she coughed uncomfortably.

"So some Thorin dude Frodo's uncle a shirt made out of super pretty silver?"

"That is correct, Lady Ellie."

"That was a kingly gift!" Gimli exclaimed, his eyes widening in awe.

"Yes! I never told him, but its worth was greater than the value of the Shire." Gandalf said. Frodo looked faintly surprised.

"Wow, that's amazing! Imagine having an entire dress made out of that stuff…" And Ellie's imagination got to work creating an entire wardrobe made out of Mithril.

Their journey through the mines continued. At one point, the Fellowship passed through a vast graveyard, the tombs covered in bloody goblin graffiti. Ellie shuddered and tried not to look at the graves too closely, they deepened her sense of disquiet.

Finally, they arrived at a crossroads in the mine. Three doors loomed ominously in the opposite wall. Gandalf stopped, and cocked his head slightly.

"I have no memory of this place," he whispered.

"Whaddya mean? Are we lost? What's going on?" Ellie stood awkwardly while everyone settled. They all ignored her (it happened quite frequently), so she sat down and prepared to be miserably bored. Merry and Pippin whispered to each other, and the sound echoed.

"Are we lost?"

"No."

"Shh, Gandalf's thinking."

"Merry?"

"What?"

"I'm hungry."

Ellie giggled and whispered,

"I second that!" Her stomach gave a small growl, as if trying to prove her point. Pippin shot her a warm smile.

A warm figure sat down next to her. She knew who it was before she looked. Only Legolas smelled that good.

"Hey, Legolas."

"Hello Lady Ellie," he replied, smiling down at her. Ellie suddenly felt a whole troop of butterflies flutter around in her stomach.

"You said you were hungry. Would you care for an apple?" he asked, holding one out.

"Actually, that looks delicious. Thank you." She snatched the rosy fruit and took a large bite. She finished the apple quickly. For a moment, they sat in awkward silence.

"So…what's up?" asked Ellie, trying to make conversation.

"I have been feeling uneasy as of late. Something evil is in these mines, I can feel it." Legolas said, looking off into the distance.

"Geez, what tipped you off? All the dead dwarves? The huge evil kraken? Of course these mines are bad," Ellie snapped. Legolas looked at her, puzzled, and she suddenly felt super guilty. Large, beautiful elf eyes looking at you remorsefully tended to do that.

"Sorry Legolas, I shouldn't have snapped. I'm just-er-going through a difficult period in my life," Ellie explained, chuckling a bit at the double meaning. Legolas nodded in understanding.

"It is perfectly alright. I am feeling rather strange recently as well." Enter more awkward silence.

"Do you have any siblings?" Ellie inquired, asking the first question that popped into her head.

"No, I do not. Although I have often wished for one. It would be nice to have a reliable companion."

"Actually, they're mostly just annoying. Amber drives me insane 96% of the time, and the other 4% she's sleeping."

"I forgot you had a sister. You were telling me about her before the Crebain arrived." Ellie suddenly became very aware of the bird droppings still on her head (man, she couldn't wait to take a looooooong, hot bath).

"Oh yeah, the creepy birds," she replied in what she hoped was an offhand voice (she didn't want to spend to much time talking about that particular embarrassing incident).

"Perhaps you could tell me more about her?" Legolas offered hastily, noticing her embarrassment.

"Well," Ellie began, trying to think of ways to describe her wacky little sister. "She's really smart. I mean like crazy psychotic genius smart. She loooooves Lord of the Rings and has read those dumb books like, fourteen times or something. She likes you a lot Legolas. She thinks you're really dreamy."

Legolas blushed slightly, something Ellie hadn't seen him do before. It made her own cheeks grow pleasantly warm.

"What do you enjoy doing, Lady Ellie?"

"I like going to the mall with my friends, pool parties, shopping, movies, and…you don't have the foggiest idea what I'm talking about." Legolas laughed lightly.

"I'm afraid I do not. Still, continue. I enjoy guessing what you might be talking about."

"Geez Legolas, you're such a good listener. Soon I'll be confessing my deepest, darkest secrets to you," Ellie exclaimed, only partly jesting. She really did feel as though she could tell Legolas anything.

"Do not feel pressured to talk to me any more than you wish, Lady Ellie."

"Hey, it's fine," Ellie replied, waving a hand dismissively and accidently whacking Legolas across the nose. "Oops…sorry. But anyway, it's fine. I like talking to you. In fact, I'll even tell you one of my deepest darkest secrets to prove it." She looked around nervously, and gestured for him to come closer.

"Shh! Okay, what I'm about to tell you cannot be repeated to anyone under any circumstances. It's confidential info, 'kay?" Ellie looked so serious that Legolas couldn't help but lean in more, wondering what she was going to tell him.

"I promise I won't tell a soul."

"Good." Ellie took a deep breath, and prepared to reveal the secret only her parents and sister knew, a secret so important, the sanity of her being depended on it being kept safe.

"I-lovec-ollecting-leaves-and-filling-books-with-them."

"What?"

"I love collecting leaves and filling books with them." Ellie threw her hands overhead as if expecting something to swoop down and attack her.

"There, I said it. Goodbye cruel world!"

"What is so horrible about collecting leaves?" Legolas asked, clearly confused. Ellie gasped.

"Do you know how nerdy that is? If my friends found out about that, I'd never hear the end of it! They would tease me incessantly! I'd become a world-class dork!"

"I am afraid I still do not understand you."

"My friends consider leaf-collecting weird. They'd give me a hard time about it if they found out I did it." Ellie attempted to explain. Legolas looked thoughtful.

"If they judge you by your hobbies rather than your personality, they must not be very good friends." Ellie smiled at him.

"I guess your right. I never really thought about it like that." She suddenly became aware of how close they were sitting, and how close Legolas' lips were. So close, she could just lean over and kiss them…

"It's that way." Gandalf's voice snapped Ellie out of her thoughts. She blushed a brilliant red, and hastily stood.

"Well, it was nice talking to you Legolas." Ellie said abruptly, before joining the hobbits. Legolas gazed after her for a second, then prepared to continue.

"He's remembered!" exclaimed Merry excitedly.

"No," said Gandalf. "But the air does not smell so foul down here. When in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose." Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Um, no offence Gandalf, but are you really expecting us to go down this dark creepy passage just because you think it smells good? Not gonna happen dude." Gandalf shot her a withering "Fool of Took" sort of look.

"Yes, I do, Lady Ellie. Unless you wish to be alone in the mines, I suggest you take my advice."

"Alright, fine. Whatever." And the Fellowship prepared to continue on their long journey in the dark.

O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.

Gandalf soon stopped again, and cast an eye over their surroundings.

"Let us risk a little more light." He raised his staff, and the chamber soon became illuminated. Ellie gasped.

Huge columns of stone stretched towards the sky, all aligned in rows. Ellie suddenly felt very small and very insignificant.

"Behold the Dwarf city of Dwarrowdelf," Gandalf said in voice that reminded Ellie of a tourist guide.

"Now there's an eye-opener and no mistake," Sam breathed.

"Talk about the understatement of the century! Wow, Gimli, this is amazing! I had no idea dwarves were such amazing architects." Ellie complimented, but Gimli wasn't listening. He had spotted a chamber filled with what looked like corpses, bathed in a liquid ray of sunlight. The dwarf ran as fast as his short legs could carry him to the small room.

"Gimli!" Gandalf reprimanded, sounding like a teacher scolding a naughty child. Gimli didn't notice. Ellie sighed heavily as the Fellowship prepared to follow the distraught dwarf. Little did she know that each step she took brought her closer to the sight of what was destined to be her first battle, a battle that would be occurring shortly.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

**Author's Note: Sorry, I know this chapter is kind of short, but I had to split up Moria into two parts. The next one will be longer, I promise. Also, sorry for taking so long to update, but I was on vacation. Thanks to all my lovely reviewers for giving this story a chance! I really appreciate it. Also, thanks to those of you who have added my story to your favorites list. Remember, the more reviews there are, the quicker the updates!**

**Glory Bee: Glad you're willing to give this Legomance a chance! I will try to right it as well as possible and keep Ellie from becoming a Mary Sue. Feel free to pm me with any suggestions as to how I can make it better!**

**kaototchi: I'm happy you look forward to my updates, and sorry this one took so long. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that you're so devoted to my story. Hope this chappie makes you happy, even though it's a bit short.**

**Emily: Glad you like, and hope you stick around!**

**untalented-freaks: Yes, I am thirteen (fourteen this October), but I try to write in a fairly mature way. This is kind of an experiment for me, as I don't have much experience writing fanfiction. My main goal for this fanfic is just to keep improving it and work on my writing/editing. I'm really glad you enjoyed this, and I hope you continue to read!**


	6. Ellie Rises to the Occasion

**No Malls in Middle Earth: Ellie Rises to the Occasion**

**Author's Note: I am a horrible person! It took me months to update! Seriously, I feel awful. Hope everyone isn't ridiculously mad at me. I had a really bad case of writers block, and was spending most of my doing homework now that I'm back in school. Once again, sorry, and hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: **

**Lothelen: Okay who wants to do the disclaimer? Nobody? Fine then, I'll just have to pick someone randomly. *Draws out hat full of names***

**Gimli: Eru help us.**

**Lothelen: And the winner is (drum roll please) Nazgûl number four! Will Nazgûl number four please stand up?**

**Nasgûl number nine: ****Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek! *Runs away***

**Lothelen: Okay, fine then. I'll just bring out Harry Potter to do it again.**

**Harry Potter: No, please! I'll do anything. I'll give myself up to Voldemort.**

**Lothelen: Ya know, this would be a lot easier if someone would just volunteer.**

**Gimli: Fine lass, but only because this disclaimer is getting so long, all of the readers will fall asleep or leave. **

**Lothelen: Thanks Gimli!**

**Gimli: Lothelen doesn't own anything except Ellie.**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Ellie felt so bad for Gimli. One minute he had been admiring the majestic architecture of his ancestors, the next he discovered his cousin was dead. She patted the wailing dwarf on the shoulder awkwardly, but he shrugged it off.

"Fine then," she muttered, before wandering over to where Frodo was standing. Gandalf, meanwhile, had pried an old, battered book from the hands of a corpse. He opened it hesitantly.

"Ooooh, yay! Story time!" chirped Ellie. Gandalf ignored her and proceeded to read from the tattered tomb.

"They have taken the bridge, and the second hall. We have barred the gates…but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes. Drums, drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow moves in the dark. They are coming."

"Well, that's pleasant." Ellie commented.

The Fellowship was silent. The atmosphere in the chamber had turned ominous. Ellie shivered involuntarily, and licked her lips. Everything was too quiet. She wanted to break the tension, say anything to block out the ominous words from the book…

A series of bangs suddenly resounded through the chamber. The tension had also been too much for poor Pippin as well, for he had somehow managed to push a skeleton and a bucket into a well in the chamber. The hobbit winced as each crash echoed.

"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf reprimanded. "Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity!"

"Gee, a little harsh there, Grandpa." said Ellie. Gandalf sent her a look that clearly said he thought she was as Fool of a Took as well, but she wasn't a Took so it was more of a Fool of an Ellie look. Suddenly, a drumbeat resounded around the chamber. Boom boom.

"Eeek! Redrum, Redrum!" Ellie shrieked. Merry stopped, looking confused as everyone else ran around, preparing for battle.

"What does rum have to do with anything?" the hobbit asked.

""You don't know what Redrum means? It's murder spelled backwards, obviously. Damn, you dudes seriously need to see _The Shining._ Seriously awesome movie. And don't even get me started on _The Exorcist_…"

"Lady Ellie, now is not the time," shouted Boromir. Ellie scowled.

"Enough with the Lady stuff!" she shouted indignantly. Gandalf shot her a withering glare, and she hastily retreated to the back of the chamber.

Meanwhile, Boromir, Legolas, and Aragorn were blockading the door with weapons.

"They have a cave troll," Boromir informed the group sarcastically. Ellie wrinkled her nose.

"You mean like the troll in Harry Potter? Man, that thing was naaaasty. And when Harry stuck his wand up its nose? That was so gross." Ellie dealt with nerves by rambling on about whatever popped into her head.

"Please Ellie," Legolas pleaded. "Unless you wish to die, I suggest you stay quiet. Take this sword!" Legolas was about to throw her a sword he had extracted from a dead dwarf, but thought better of it and handed it to her instead.

"Awesome, I have a sword!" exclaimed Ellie, looking at her blade in awe. "This is way cooler than running with scissors."

Meanwhile, Gimli was climbing on Balin's Tomb, and had assumed a fierce warrior stance.

"Let them come! There is one dwarf in Moria that still draws breath."

"That's the spirit Gimli!" Ellie shouted over the din, but was immediately silenced when she saw that the orcs were beginning to break down the door.

After a few, tense seconds, everything went insane. Ellie watched, frozen with terror as the goblins spilled into the chamber, and the battle commenced. The air was soon thick with the smell of blood as arrows flew and swords clanged.

Now fear is a very interesting emotion. Different people react to it different ways. Some people scream and run for their lives, some people stand frozen and possibly pee their pants, but some people face their fear head on, sometimes displaying courage they didn't even know they possessed.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as a particularly ugly orc ran towards Ellie, weapon raised. For a second, her brain stopped working, and suddenly, instinct kicked in.

All of the pent of rage she had been feeling from her period kicked in. Ellie thrust her sword forward with all her might, and kneed the orc in the groin. The orc howled in pain, and black blood spewed over her hands. Ellie lifted her sword triamphuntly.

"And that's why you don't mess with a PMSing teenage girl!" she announced. "Knew that period had to come in handy sometime." She did a small victory dance, but was brought back to Earth when another orc charged her. Ellie hastily picked up her sword and stabbed it in the arm. The orc retreated.

It was then that the cave troll entered the scene. Ellie took one look at the troll and shrieked.

"Okay, that is WAY scarier than the troll in Harry Potter!"

Legolas immediately shot two arrows at the troll's potato like head as it swung its mace at Gimli.

Meanwhile, Sam was busy attacking orcs with his skillet. He wacked one over the head and surveyed his handiwork proudly.

"I think I'm gettin' the hang of this." he commented. Ellie smiled at him from her position in the back of the chamber.

"Hey, you're like Rapunzel in _Tangled_! She had a frying pan too! Only she also had magic hair that glowed when she sang, and I'm pretty sure you don't…do you?" Sam, understandably didn't answer.

The battle once more required Ellie's attention as she dove behind a pillar to avoid a particularly nasty orc. A resounding crack told her that the orc's head had made contact with the stone.

Frodo, meanwhile, was engaging in a game of Hide-and-go-Seek with the cave troll. He apparently wasn't very good at the game, for a minute later he was shouting for Aragorn.

"Hold on Frodo, I'll save you!" Ellie shouted, feeling strangely heroic. "To infinity, and beyond!" She prepared to charge the troll, only to be stopped by Legolas.

"Please, Ellie," he began, remembering not to say lady and further aggravate her. "You will only hurt yourself, or worse. Stay behind the pillar." Ellie grumbled and returned to her hiding place.

Once she was no longer fighting, the fear factor kicked in. The sounds of the battle around her only heightened the feeling. Suddenly, she heard a sound like a constipated mongoose giving birth. She rushed out from the pillar, only to see Frodo with the cave troll's spear in his chest, his eyes bugging out unattractively.

"Omifuckingod. FRODO!" she shrieked. Suddenly, she didn't care what Legolas' orders were. She had to help the Fellowship! Merry and Pippin had similar thoughts, and seconds later they were on the troll's back, stabbing it mercilessly.

The members of the Fellowship rushed forward, attacking the cave troll with a newfound malice. Finally, Legolas shot an arrow through the troll's mouth. The creature let out a long, pained moan before collapsing to the ground. The chamber shuddered.

"Frodo!" Ellie shouted again. Frodo couldn't die! He was the ringbearer! This definitely not how the story ended. Desperate for a solution, she tried the first thing that came to mind, artificial resuscitation.

The Fellowship watched for a second, stunned as to why Ellie was suddenly kissing the Hobbit. At that moment, Frodo opened his eyes and shrieked in terror, pushing her off him.

"I thought you were the cave troll," he gasped, looking slightly shell-shocked.

"Lady Ellie, what in Arda were you doing?" asked Boromir, voicing the question they all wanted answered.

"I was reviving him." Ellie stated matter-of-factly. Seeing the still puzzled and slightly horrified expressions, she sighed. "You know, mouth-to-mouth? Doesn't ring a bell? I was trying to save him! By the way dude," she said, turning to the still stunned Frodo. "You seriously need to brush your teeth."

Aragorn had rushed to Frodo's side. "You should be dead! That spear would have skewered a wild boar."

"I saved him." Ellie announced. "Duh." Everyone ignored her.

"I think there's more to this hobbit than meets the eye," said Gandalf mysteriously. Frodo opened his shirt to reveal his mithril jacket. Everyone gasped in surprise, except for Ellie, who remained unimpressed.

"Now is not the time to be revealing your sparkly undergarments, _Frito_." she said disdainfully.

"Mithril!" Gimli gasped in awe. "You are full of surprises, master Baggins."

"Oh, so that's the silver stuff, right? Eh, it's not quite as impressive as I though it would be…"

Ellie trailed off when the sound of orcs was once again heard from outside the chamber. She sighed dramatically, predicting lots of running in the near future.

"To the Bridge of Khazad-dûm!" boomed Gandalf, and Ellie's prediction was proved correct, as they set off running again, the orcs in pursuit. Eventually, they ended up back in the vast hall. Orcs were scuttling down the pillars like spiders and soon, they were surrounded.

A particularly heinous green orc sneered at Ellie, causing her to shiver in disgust.

"Man, you guys sure are ugly." she said, before moving behind the hobbits. Frodo stepped away from her, probably still freaked about the mouth-to-mouth attempt.

Suddenly the orcs began scampering back up their pillars, whimpering in fear. An unearthly red light filled the hall, illuminating the massive pillars. Ellie looked around, confused.

"What the hell is going on," she asked, as Boromir simultaneously said "What new devilry is this?"

"A Balrog." Gandalf stated, looking older than Ellie had ever seen him. "A demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. RUN!"

"Oh great, again with the running." Ellie mumbled. "I knew I would regret not taking cross country." Her legs were already burning with fatigue from the previous battle, and her breath was raspy and shallow.

They came too a tiny doorway, which Gandalf urged them through impatiently. Ellie froze in fear when she saw the massive flight of stairs, full of cracks and without railings. She had never been keen on heights.

"This place seriously needs an elevator," she commented to no one in particular.

"Gandalf!" shouted Aragorn, for the wizard had not yet joined them, and was leaning against the wall wearily.

"Lead them on Aragorn." he commanded, grasping the man's shoulder. "The bridge is near."

And so they began running down the steps. Ellie focused on Legolas' back and tried not to look down. Her stomach was churning uncomfortably and her knees felt weak. They screeched to a halt at a wide gap in the stairs. Ellie couldn't resist the temptation any longer and looked down. Her head immediately began spinning.

Legolas leaped nimbly across the gap with the grace of an elf. He gestured to Gandalf, who followed.

"Ellie!" The elf called, and Ellie prepared to jump, but before she could an arrow whistled through the air, piercing her calf.

Ellie's eyes clouded over in pain. She reached down in a daze and pulled out the arrow, swooning when she felt the warm blood spurting from the wound. She stumbled blindly, nearly falling off the edge.

"Throw her Aragorn!" Gandalf commanded, and Aragorn scooped her up easily and hauled her over the edge.

Ellie was only in the air for a second, before she felt Legolas' warm arms encircle her. Her brain was hazy from the pain, and she rested her head against his shoulder, mumbling something indistinct.

The rest of the Fellowship made it across the gap without any problems. Ellie was so woozy, she didn't even have the energy to make a snarky comment when Gimli had to be pulled up by his beard.

Finally, only Aragorn and Frodo were left. The stairs were crumbling beneath them as the foundations collapsed. A large piece of stone fell, piercing through the steps.

"Lean forward!" Aragorn ordered, laying a hand on Frodo's shoulder. The steps slowly fell forward until they crashed into the rest of the stairs, sending Frodo and Aragorn flying into the rest of the Fellowship.

"Lady Ellie, can you run or do you need to be carried?" Gandalf asked urgently, looking worriedly at her injured leg.

"I can run." Ellie stated firmly, determined to prove that she could fight through the pain. They continued down, the stairs behind the gap collapsing completely.

They reached a hall full of fier, and the Balrog finally became visible. Ellie gazed at the humongous form of fire and shadow in terror, before Gandalf urged them forward.

"Over the bridge!" he commanded. "Fly!"

Ellie ran. Her injured leg was numb, she could barely feel the pain anymore. Ignoring how narrow the bridge was and refusing to look down, she reached the other side. Turning around, she saw Gandalf's figure illuminated by the Balrog's fire in the center of the bridge.

"You cannot pass!" Gandalf boomed, raising his staff and sword. The Balrog spread its great wings as it stepped on the fragile bridge.

"Gandalf!" Frodo shrieked.

"I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor," Gandalf chanted. A blazing light radiated his staff, illuminating the wizard. Ellie became aware of just how small and old he seemed compared to the massive Balrog.

"The dark fire shall not avail you, Flame of Udûn!" The Balrog formed a fiery sword, and Gandalf raised his to meet it. The Balrog's weapon exploded in glowing embers.

"Go back to the shadow." Gandalf commanded through clenched teeth. The Balrog raised a whip of fire, cracking it through the dry, hot air.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" Gandalf slammed his staff into the bridge as the Balrog stepped forward. The bridge collapsed beneath it, and the demon plunged into the abyss. Gandalf turned wearily, leaning on his staff.

The whip seemed to come out of nowhere, and Ellie made a dry, cracked warning noise before it wrapped around Gandalf's ankle. Before any of them could absorb what was happening, Gandalf had been pulled over the edge and was clinging to the stone.

"Gandalf!" Frodo wailed desperately. Gandalf met the hobbits eyes.

"Fly, you fools!" he whispered, before letting go.

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" Ellie and Frodo screamed at the time, and it seemed like the world had ended. Ellie couldn't hear, couldn't think. The only thing that she was aware of was that Gandalf was gone, and without him, they were all doomed.

The Fellowship exited the mines in a haze of grief and pain. The sky seemed far too bright, and black dots clouded Ellie's vision. She collapsed on the cold white stones, the pain in her leg returning with such intensity, she could barely move.

"Legolas, get them up." Aragorn ordered, and Ellie groaned. There was no way she was moving.

"Give them a moment, for pity's sake," Boromir pleaded, the pain evident in his eyes. Ellie felt a sudden rush of gratitude for him.

"By nightfall these hills will be swarming with orcs. Come Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, get them up." Aragorn turned, and saw Ellie sprawled on her back, her leg covered in blood.

"Lady Ellie?" he asked tentatively.

"Enough with the Lady already," Ellie mumbled, before everything went black.

**Author's Note: Well, that was certainly action-packed! Ellie finally had her first battle, I feel like a proud mother! Once again, sorry for the ridiculously long wait for an update. I don't even have a good excuse, except laziness. Thanks to all my reviewers, and I hope you enjoy this. Review, and get free lessons on being a ranger, king, and all around awesome dude from Aragorn!**

**Glory Bee: Ellie's sixteen, hence her insanity and immaturity. And I know it's kind of weird for Legolas to fall in love with a sixteen-year-old girl, but I promise she'll mature throughout the course of the story. Hope you keep reading!**

**Ninjawithasharpswordgirl: I know, poor Ellie. She really has a rough time of it, doesn't she? And the period drama isn't quite over yet, there will be one more embarrassing moment in the next chapter. I will try to slow their relationship down a bit. I re-read my work and you're right, I'm moving too fast. Hope you stay tuned, and thanks for reviewing!**

**kaototchi: First of all, you are completely awesome for sticking with this story and consistently reviewing. Second, I'm glad you think this is unique. I am trying to make it a little different from the usual clichéd Legomance.**

**Mormeril Dark Lady of Insanity: Glad you liked the icecweam! Reading your reviews made me want some, and some chocolate. Thanks for reviewing again. Just for that, you get a cookie! ^_^ Good luck on your exam!**

**Nyah1: Glad you're liking this, and sorry about taking so long to update. Hope this chapter makes up for it, and hope you keep reading!**

**Firerosemon: Yeah, forget the orcs and Balrog. Ellie's period is the real disaster of Moria. In the next chapter, poor Ellie will have a very embarrassing period moment, so stay tuned. Thanks for the review!**


	7. The Woods of Loth L'Oreal

**No Malls In Middle Earth: The Woods of Loth L'Oreal**

**Disclaimer:**

**Lothelen: *Snoring obscenely* Mmm, Legolas.**

**Pippin: Want to see if the hand in a warm bowl of water trick works?**

**Merry: Good idea Pip! *Hobbits approach Lothelen with bowl of water.***

**Lothelen: BWAAAAAH! *Merry and Pippin jump back shrieking* Nice try, you two. Which one of you is doing the disclaimer?**

**Pippin: Merry wants to do it.**

**Merry: Pippin!**

**Pippin: I'm doing it next chapter.**

**Merry. Fine. *Sighs* Lothelen doesn't own anything except Ellie.**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

When Ellie came to, the first thing she saw was Aragorn's greasy hair. Even though she wasn't exactly Miss Hygienic thanks to the bird poop, she couldn't help but wrinkle her nose. She was rocking uncomfortably on his back as he ran. Looking up, she saw green treetops, and realized they were in a forest.

"Whasgoinon?" she mumbled.

"Lady Ellie! You're awake." He set her down hastily as the members of the Fellowship halted.

"Show me your injuries, and I will bandage them as best I can. We will reach the woods of Loth Loríen soon."

Ellie looked down at herself and stopped in horror when she saw a small blood stain on her trousers. With the drama of the battle and Gandalf's fall she hadn't been able to take care of her period. _Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap, _she thought.

Aragorn had ripped a strip of cloth from his shirt and had bandaged her leg.

"That should stop the bleeding." He looked her over and his eyes widened in concern when he saw the other spot of blood.

"You have another injury." Ellie hastily crossed her legs to hide the blood spot and blushed.

"It's nothing. I'm fine. A little blood got on me during the battle, that's all."

"Orc blood is black," Boromir pointed out. "It is most certainly not fine. We have to care for your injuries before you lose too much blood."

"Seriously, it's nothing major." insisted Ellie. "Just a little nick. I'll take care of it when we reach Loth L'Oreal or whatever it's called."

Aragorn looked at her doubtfully, but didn't further protest. Ellie got shakily to her feet before hunching back over again in pain. Aragorn sighed wearily.

"Lady Ellie, this is ridiculous. You clearly have another injury, yet you refuse to let us help you. Please let me examine your wound." Ellie wanted to say some extremely inappropriate things, but something else burst out of her mouth instead.

"I don't have a wound! I'm just on my period, okay?" She didn't feel like arguing anymore. She just wanted to get to Loth L'Oreal asap, and if embarrassing herself was the way to make that happen, then fine.

The Fellowship looked at her confused, and Ellie suddenly realized that they had probably never heard the term "period" before.

"Er, time of month? Menstrual cycle?" A look of recognition passed over each of their faces before the all blushed slightly.

"My apologies Lady Ellie." Aragorn said hastily, before scooping her up on his back again.

"No worries," Ellie mumbled, her cheeks still red. She sighed, not looking forward to even more running. Honestly, didn't these people do anything but run? And go on dangerous, stinky, boring quests? Ellie tried not to inhale the smell of Aragorn's thoroughly greasy hair and drifted back into an uneasy, bumpy sleep.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

When Ellie awoke again, the first thing she noticed was that it was now night, and that she was no longer on Aragorn's back. She was sitting on some sort of platform in one of the beautiful trees. A blonde elf with a haughty expression was addressing Legolas.

"_Mae govannen_, _Legolas Thranduilion." _he said, causing Ellie to look up confusedly. Foreign languages weren't her thing. She rolled her eyes and tuned out, until she heard Gimli speak.

"So much for the legendary courtesy of the elves! Speak words we can all understand."

"Hear, hear!" Ellie cheered, before she was silenced by a glare from Snotty Elf.

"We have not had dealings with the dwarves since the dark ages. And who is this woman? Why is she travelling with you?" The contempt in his voice made Ellie growl.

"And what's wrong with being a woman?"

"Lady Ellie, please hold your tongue!" hissed Aragorn before turning back to Mr. Snotty Elf.

"The woman is our companion. We found her wandering near Eregion. She has travelled with us since." Snotty Elf nodded, before turning to Frodo.

"You bring great evil with you. You can go no further."

Then came the all-exciting task of sitting, waiting, and watching Aragorn yell at Snotty Elf (who's name was actually Haldir, but Snotty Elf suited him better). Ellie crossed her arms and sighed loudly, but when no one noticed, she looked around for someone to talk to. And saw Frodo. She shakily got to her feet, found that her leg was holding up, and limped over to him.

"Yo. Can I talk to you?" she asked. The blue-eyed hobbit looked at her suspiciously.

"What does 'yo' mean?" asked Frodo.

"It means 'hi'. Anyway, can we talk? Preferably sitting down? My leg isn't feeling so hot."

"Of course Lady Ellie." He sat down, and Ellie followed.

"I wanted to apologize." she started. "Sorry for attempting mouth-to-mouth on you in Moria. I wasn't thinking, and I understand if you think I'm really weird now." Frodo cracked a small smile.

"It's alright. I was merely a bit startled. I thought you were kissing me. Thinking about it now, it's rather funny." Ellie giggled.

"Yeah, the look on your face was pretty awesome. So, friends?"

"Friends." Frodo agreed, before looking rather startled when Ellie threw her arms around him.

"Sorry about that. I'm just feeling kinda lonely, and it's nice having a friend." she apologized hastily. Frodo was unable to respond, as Boromir came up to him, a remorseful expression on his face.

"Gandalf's death was not in vain. Nor would he have wanted you to give up hope. You carry a heavy burden Frodo. Don't carry the wait of the dead." A couple of tears sprung to Ellie's eyes. She attempted to push thoughts of the old wizard aside when Haldir appeared again.

"You will follow me." he announced, looking less than happy.

Ellie got shakily to her feet, happy to find that her leg wasn't hurting quite as bad. Haldir and the group of elves lead the Fellowship through the wood, eventually coming to a ridge looking out on a glade of trees, illuminated with gold from the setting sun. For the first time, Haldir lost his arrogant expression, his face taking on a proud look.

"Caras Galadhon…the heart of Elvendom on Earth. Realm of Lord Celeborn and of Galadriel, Lady of Light."

"Gala-who?" asked Ellie curiously, but Haldir merely glared at her reproachfully.

They continued through the golden wood, and Ellie gazed around in wonder. The trees glowed in the sun, their bark weathered with a mystery her small, blonde brain couldn't quite grasp. Night descended quickly, and the Fellowship began to ascend a twisting staircase around a particularly beautiful tree. Ellie gazed up for a moment, feeling slightly dizzy at the thought of climbing all those stairs with her injured leg.

"Oh crap." she moaned, before Boromir chivalrously offered her his arm. She gazed at him suspiciously, and Boromir smiled slightly.

"In light of Gandalf's fall, it would not do for us to argue. We need the bonds of friendship more than ever in this part of the journey. I apologize for my treatment of you, though please understand my views merely come from the way I was brought up."

"No biggie. Anyway, I'm glad I can be friends with you. You're cleaner than Aragorn. Man, that dude needs a shower so badly." She took his arm with a smile, and leaned on him slightly as they began the climb.

By the time they had reached the top of the stairs, Ellie couldn't breathe and was practically being dragged by Boromir. She moaned in pain and promptly collapsed on the platform, groaning.

"Shit, my leg hurts so fucking bad. I swear I'm gonna pass out." she griped, only to receive an extremely reproachful look from the rest of the Fellowship.

"Lady Ellie, please refrain from using such vulgar language in front of Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel." said Aragorn. Ellie mumble a quick apology and got to her feet slowly, just in time to nearly fall over again, she was so stricken with awe.

Approaching were the Lord Celeborn and the Lady Galadriel. The Lady of Light was easily the most beautiful being she had ever seen (except perhaps Legolas, but he was more hot than beautiful). She had long waves of golden hair, milky skin that glowed, and blue eyes that seemed to hold a million stars. Ellie (who had always prided herself in her good looks) suddenly felt a bit plain in comparison, and blushed slightly.

"The Enemy knows you have entered here," spoke Lord Celeborn, his expression solemn. "What hope you had in secrecy is now gone. Eight there are, yet nine there were, set out from Rivendell. Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him. I can no longer see him from afar."

Galadriel's eyes grew sorrowful.

"Gandalf the Grey did not pass the borders of this land. He has fallen into shadow."

"Woah, psyche! Your like, telepathic!" blurted Ellie, earning glares once again. She quickly stared at her toes. A small smile graced Galadriel's face.

"He was taken by both shadow and flame," confirmed Legolas, his voice laden with loss. "A Balrog of Morgoth. For we went needlessly into the net of Moria."

"Needless were none of the deeds of Gandalf in life. We do not yet know his full purpose." Galadriel's kind gaze went to Gimli. "Don not let the great emptiness of Khazad-dûm fill your heart, Gimli, son of Gloin. For the world has grown full of peril. And in all lands, love is now mingled with grief."

Boromir broke into silent sobs. _Some pep talk, _Ellie thought ruefully. _Geez, this is depressing._

Suddenly, Galadriel's eyes bore into Ellie's, and she no longer heard what the Lady was saying, for a voice was resonating in her head.

_Lady Ellie…_

"Shut up Voices, or I'll poke you with a q-tip again! And don't call me Lady!" Ellie exclaimed out-loud, causing everyone to stare at her with seriously creeped-out glances. Lady Galadriel smirked slightly.

_Ellie, it is I, Galadriel. Do not fear, for I know your story. I know the world you come from, and your destiny. Remain here after the Fellowship departs, for I have several matters I must discuss with you._

Ellie frowned slightly. The voice sounded familiar, but she couldn't quite place where she'd heard it…

Before she knew it, the rest of the Fellowship had left, and Ellie was left facing Galadriel.

"Your fate is known here, Ellie. You yourself have heard of the prophecy concerning you."

Suddenly, it hit her where she had heard the voice before! Before she woke up in Middle Earth, during the black out after she had her movie night with Amber.

"Okay then!" exclaimed Ellie. "Can I go now?"

"Yes, you may. Due to your gender, you will have a separate flet from the rest of the Fellowship. Vendethial will show you the way." A young elleth practically popped out of nowhere, gazing shyly up at Ellie.

"Just follow me, Milady," the young maiden said. She was pretty, with flaxen hair that reached her mid-back and dark eyes that reminded Ellie of chocolate. Which reminded her of food. Which reminded her of how damn hungry she was.

"Okee dokee. Thanks!" Ellie called after Galadriel as she followed Vendethial back down the stairs, hoping a good meal was in the near future.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Ellie was in heaven. Her flet was beautifully decorated, and had a soft bed that she just couldn't wait to try out. Vendethial had filled a bath of warm water for her, and Ellie was happily sitting in the tub, scrubbing off weeks of dirt. If felt ridiculously good to wash that old crusty bird poop out of her hair, and even better to finally wash her armpits (man, what she wouldn't give for a stick of deodorant).

"Are you almost finished, Milday?" Vendethial had poked her head in, a soft ivory-colored robe draped over her arm.

"Actually, I am finished. And you can just call me Ellie." Vendethial opened her mouth to protest, but Ellie cut her off. "No, please, I insist."

She climbed out of the bath and put on the robe, relishing in the swish of the soft, clean fabric. Her leg had been tended to earlier, and Ellie sat down on an elegant chair, where Vendethial quickly got to work on bandaging it.

"Your name is so pretty, Vendethial." Ellie said warmly, liking how it rolled off her tongue.

"Thank you, Mi—Ellie. Your name is beautiful too, if a bit unusual." She blushed a bit, as if stunned by her audacity. Ellie chuckled.

"It's fine, I can understand why you'd think it's strange." Truthfully, Ellie was extremely grateful to have another female around. Someone who understood the concepts of personal hygiene and had a desire to look pretty was a relief. Speaking of looking pretty, she wondered if she'd get to wear a pretty dress…

"Would you like to find something to wear, Ellie?" Vendethial asked, her brown eyes lighting up a little.

"Are you a mind reader?" asked Ellie happily, before being led to a lovely wardrobe. Vendethial extracted several gowns and laid them on the bed.

Ellie gaped. Every single one of them was unbelievably gorgeous. Vendethial smiled at her awed reaction.

"Now, lets see. All of these would look stunning on you, but this one in particular will look lovely with your eye color." She picked up a periwinkle dress that shimmered in the light. It had flowing bell-sleeves, elegant silver lacing, and was embroidered with tiny silver beads and crystals, sparkling like tiny stars.

"Oh Vendethial, it's perfect." The young elleth helped her slip into the dress, lacing it up tightly.

"Close your eyes. I must put your hair up, then you may see your reflection." Ellie sat down at the vanity and kept her eyes shut while Vendethial brushed and pinned up her hair, her soft fingers whispering across her scalp.

"You may look now." the maiden said, and Ellie could hear the smile in her voice. She stood up slowly, opening her eyes, and gazed at her reflection.

She had obviously lost some weight, due the lack of food and surplus of running, and her figure had never looked better. Her hair, which had been matted with bird poop and dirt for so long, now flowed down her back in golden waves. The periwinkle dress did show off her eyes, and showed just enough cleavage to be seductive yet tasteful. Sure, she wasn't even comparable to Vendethial's elven perfection, but Ellie had honestly never looked better.

"Not bad," she murmured, admiring her figure in the mirror.

"You look beautiful." said Vendethial, an appreciative smile on her face. "Would you like me to escort you to the pavilion where the Fellowship is staying?"

"Yes." Ellie agreed with a small nod. "That would be wonderful."

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

The Fellowship had settled into the small area they were staying in, bathed, changed into clean clothes, and eaten food. Pippin was sprawled on the ground next to Merry, thoughtfully chewing on his apple.

"I wonder where Ellie is. I miss her." he asked, and Merry shrugged.

"I suppose she was bathing and changing elsewhere. She is a girl after all." Pippin looked a bit puzzled as if he had never really noticed her gender.

"Yes, but after wandering around the wilderness with her, it's easy to forget. She does liven things up a bit." Merry chuckled and looked up, his eyes widening slightly. Pippin followed his gaze, and looked even more confused than usual.

Ellie had entered the pavilion, feeling perky, pretty, and happy. The periwinkle gown swished nicely against her bare legs (although she was thoroughly missing her bra and underwear, which had been taken to be cleaned by Vendethial). Pippin, for a brief moment, didn't recognize her in her new, clean state.

"Who are you?" he asked. Ellie rolled her eyes.

"I don't know whether I should be flattered or offended." Pippin finally registered who she was, and leapt up to hug her with Merry following.

"Ellie! We missed you!" exclaimed the two hobbits as they hugged her. Ellie laughed happily.

"I haven't been gone for that long, ya know." The rest of the Fellowship noticed her return, and smiled as well, although their eyes remained sorrowful.

Ellie plopped down between Merry and Pippin, and for a moment they all sat in silence. She suddenly became aware of a song, resonating throughout the woods with a tragic sort of beauty. The words were in a language she didn't know (she assumed Elvish). Ellie scooted towards Legolas.

"What do the words mean?" He smiled down at her, and Ellie's breath caught in her throat.

"It is a lament to Gandalf. I have not the heart to tell you the words. For me the grief is only too near."

Ellie's eyes filled with tears at the mention of his name. Gandalf had been kind and accepting of her, and all she had done in return was act like a brat and complain about everything. A few of the tears spilled over. Tentatively, she rested her head on Legolas' shoulder, expecting him to pull away. Instead, he wrapped an arm around her. Suddenly, Sam stood, a thoughtful expression on his face.

"I bet they don't mention his fireworks. There should be a verse about them."

_The finest rockets ever seen_

_They burst in stars of red and green_

_Or after thunder, silver showers_

_Came falling like a rain of flowers_

He sat down hastily, embarrassed.

"Oh, that doesn't do him justice by a long road." he muttered. A sudden song popped into Ellie's head, and she sang softly:

_Baby you're a firework_

_Come on show them what you're worth_

_Make them go oh oh oh_

_As you shoot across the sky_

_Baby you're a firework_

_Come on let your colors burst_

_Make them go oh oh oh_

_As you shoot across the sky_

"What are you singing?" asked Pippin curiously.

"'Firework' by Katy Perry." Ellie answered matter-of-factly, well aware that they didn't know who Katy Perry was. Sure enough, Merry asked the inevitable question.

"Who's Katy Perry?"

"She's a singer from where I'm from. She's famous for wearing crazy, fabulous costumes like gumball dresses and cupcake bras." More confused expressions.

"What is a cupcake? And what is a _bra_?" Frodo asked. Ellie, who didn't feel like explaining lingerie to nine men, answered vaguely.

"Nothing you need to know about." she said, before leaning back on Legolas' shoulder. He smelled _sooo _good, it sent little tingles down Ellie's spine. Pippin, who was watching, snickered slightly. Ellie shot him a small glare. Aragorn was talking to Boromir, and Frodo was looking at his toes, his blue eyes shiny with tears.

"I miss my family." announced Ellie. "Even though they can be annoying, they always make me feel better when I'm sad. And I miss my best friend, Sandra. She can always make me laugh." Frodo, grateful for a distraction, looked up.

"Can you tell us more about her?" he asked.

"Of course." she replied, grateful to help the poor hobbit. "Sandra's really funky, and we love sleeping over at each other's houses. We eat a ton of junk food, dance, goof around, play Truth-or-Dare…" she trailed off a little awkwardly.

"What's Truth-or-Dare?" asked Sam.

"It's a game where you ask a person to answer a truth or do a dare. If they choose truth they have to tell you whatever you want, and if they choose dare they do whatever you want. It's fun. Maybe we could play it sometime."

"Oh, please, no." Frodo moaned. Ellie, looked at him, slightly hurt, and he hastily explained. "It's just that these two will be absolutely awful. They love games like that." He gestured at Merry and Pippin, who were grinning wickedly.

"Guess not then." Ellie said. They settled into a comfortable silence, and Ellie's head suddenly felt comfortably loudly.

"Are you tired?" asked Legolas. "That was quite a yawn."

"Yeah, guess I'm ready for bed. Only I don't know exactly know where bed is." She gazed around for Vendethial, before realizing she had left.

"I'll walk you then." Legolas offered chivalrously. They stood, and Ellie took his arm.

"'Night everyone!" she called behind her shoulder.

"Sleep well!" exclaimed Pippin, the rest of the hobbits nodding in agreement. Legolas smiled at them before they continued on their way in silence.

"How are you faring?" Legolas asked abruptly.

"I don't exactly know." she answered honestly. "I think I'm kind of in shock." Suddenly, something inside of her broke, and she broke in to noisy, messy tears. Legolas patted her on the back awkwardly, unsure how to comfort her.

After a few minutes, Ellie had enough of a hold on herself to speak.

"I'm s-sorry." she mumbled, wiping her nose on her hand. "This is just so fucking crazy! It all feels like one insane, awful, nightmare! I want my old life back! I want my old friends and my old family! Everything is so surreal. One minute I'm happily watching a movie with my sister, next thing I know I'm on some wacky quest to save the world! Fan-fucking-tastic! Why does this have to happen to me? WHY ME?" she shrieked, and burst into tears again, this time angry ones.

"I'm sorry." Legolas offered somewhat lamely, not really knowing what else he was supposed to say. Ellie glared at him.

"Thanks. It really helps to know that you're sorry. I just want someone to get me out of this living hell!"

"I understand what you are feeling." Legolas began, trying to calm her. His words had the opposite effect.

"No, you don't! How on Earth could you understand my feelings? Have you ever been randomly dropped in another world? Huh?"

"Perhaps not, but I do understand what you're feeling." Seeing as she was about to start screaming again, he held up a silencing hand. "Listen to me. I promise when I am through you can scream, cry, and curse all you want. But first listen to me. Do you not think I want to cry too? Mithrandir has fallen! Everything seems hopeless! We all are desperate. I may not know what it is like to fall into another world, but I do know what it is like to volunteer to go on a quest that will most likely lead to my imminent death. I know you're sad, confused, and desperate, but we all are! We all want to cry!"

Ellie sniffed, and stared at him, feeling rather foolish. Of course Legolas was upset! He knew Gandalf better than she did. And he still was trying to stay calm for the sake of the Fellowship, while she was throwing temper tantrums like a little girl. She wouldn't be surprised if he hated her.

"I'm sorry. I feel so ashamed." she whispered. Legolas lay a hand on her shoulder and smiled at her comfortingly.

"Don't be. You have a right to be upset. Just understand that we all are."

Ellie flashed him a watery smile, before wrapping her arms around him in a hug. He stiffened for a moment, then relaxed, returning her embrace. Ellie's breathing grew heavier as she realized how warm Legolas was, and how right it felt standing in his arms. She was so close to him she could hear his beating heart. All too soon though, he broke away, and the moment was gone.

"We're here." he announced, gesturing to her flet.

"So we are." she agreed with a slightly disappointed smile. Legolas squeezed her hand.

"Good night Ellie."

"Good night Legolas." And she stood watching him retreat through the trees, tear tracks still lingering on her face.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

**Author's Note: Longest chapter yet! Woo hoo! Sorry for the long update, but I've been super busy. Hope you enjoyed it, and I would love your feedback. We're finally in Loth Lorién, so there will be lots of Legolas/Ellie moments and pretty dresses (sorry if they annoy you but I can't resist). Thanks for all the reviews, and please continue to read and review. **

**Pearl Bramble of Willowbottom: None taken. ;) I'm new to writing fanfiction so I'm glad I'm doing an okay job at portraying Ellie. I've grown rather fond of her. Thanks so much for the review and I hope you continue to read!**

**littlemsstrawberry: Sorry about the long update and hope you're still reading. Enjoy! ^_^**

**kaototchi: SO glad you're still reading! Thanks for sticking with this and staying loyal to my poor attempts at a Legomance, lol. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please continue to read.**

**Call Brandybuck: She really has a hard time doesn't she? *Shakes head* Poor, poor Ellie, trying mouth-to-mouth on Frodo. I humiliated her one last time with the period drama, and things are mellowing a bit. Please continue reading and reviewing!**

**Firerosemon: Thanks for the review, and sorry about the update time. Hope you continue to read!**


	8. In Which Legolas Kisses Ellie's Hand

**No Malls In Middle Earth: In Which Legolas Kisses Ellie on the Hand (Squeal!)**

**Author's Note: Hey guys! Thanks for sticking with this story. I don't mean to be whiny or picky, but I would like more reviews. They really keep me going as an author, and without them, how do I know what I should change/keep in this story? I'm open to constructive criticism as long as it's polite, so please give me your opinions and I will try to implement them in my story. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Disclaimer:**

**Lothelen: Frooooooodo!**

**Frodo: No! Absolutely not!**

**Lothelen: Because you're the ring bearer, it's your duty to listen to my every command!**

**Frodo: Why doesn't Sam do it instead?**

**Sam: With all due respect Lady Lothelen, Mister Frodo is much better at that sort of thing.**

**Frodo: Fine. Lothelen doesn't own anything.**

**Ellie: Except for me!**

**Lothelen: Unfortunately.**

**Ellie: Hey, I resent that!**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.**

Ellie awoke with a smile on her face for the first time in weeks. She was clean, warm, happy, and well fed. Stretching, she rolled out of bed. Vendethial wasn't there, so she washed and dressed herself, and attempted find the Fellowship.

Finding their pavilion turned out to be a harder task than she initially thought. Finally, after wandering aimlessly for fifteen minutes, she spotted all four hobbits.

"Hi!" greeted Ellie. Pippin waved back.

"Good morning Lady Ellie." Sam said. Pippin groaned. He was thoroughly sick of the lady argument. Ellie, however, did not argue, because her stomach growled embarrassingly loudly.

"Oops." she giggled with a blush. "Guess my stomach's doing the talking today. Do any on you guys know where I could find some breakfast?"

"There's lots of food back at the pavilion." answered Merry.

"I don't know where the pavilion is!" Ellie exclaimed, throwing her arms up in frustration.

"Well why didn't you say so? Come on, we'll take you! I wouldn't object to some more food myself." Pippin said thoughtfully, rubbing his stomach. Frodo rolled his eyes.

"Honestly Pippin, you already ate three quarters of our food and you're still hungry?"

"You better watch out, 'cause I'm even hungrier!" Ellie said with a growl.

"Fine then," said Pippin. "Who ever is able to eat the most wins, no regurgitation."

"Oh, it is on." Ellie announced with a maniacal grin. Eating was one of the few things she was naturally talented at.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Ellie was sitting at the pavilion, a large pile of food on her plate, and Pippin across from her with a hungry gleam in his eyes. The other three hobbits looked on in amusement.

"So who's judging?" asked Ellie.

"Frodo is." answered Merry. "He's the fairest judge." Frodo nodded importantly.

"Alright, are you both ready? On your mark, get set, eat!" Ellie immediately stuffed her face, and moaned happily.

"I think my mouth just had an orgasm." she announced through her mouthful food. The hobbits blushed. "What?" she asked indignantly before shoveling handfuls of food into her mouth.

Pippin was ahead, and stayed ahead, while after awhile, Ellie started to look a little green in the face. She kept eating, her progress slowing. Finally, when she was so full she felt she was going to vomit, Legolas appeared. A somewhat disgusted look crossed his face when he spotted her.

"Lady Ellie, what in Eru's name are you doing?"

Ellie blushed. She must look ridiculous. Her cheeks were so full she looked like a chipmunk, and her hands and face were smeared with food. She swallowed.

"Eating. With Pippin." answered Ellie meekly. She blushed.

"Well, if you are done eating half of the food we have been provided with, you ought to go change."

"Why?" asked Ellie, confused.

"Because Aragorn and I have agreed it would be best if you acquired some training with a weapon, and you certainly cannot train in that dress." Ellie squirmed uncomfortably. Knowing her, she'd probably be a complete klutz with sword fighting and archery and make a complete fool of herself.

"Um, are you sure that's a good idea?" Legolas smiled reassuringly, and Ellie's heart fluttered.

"I'll just go and change then," she said. "Are the hobbits coming too?"

"Perhaps it would be best if they did. They certainly need more practice." Pippin looked up from his plate unwillingly.

"Can't we train some other time?" he whined, his face still stuffed.

"No, we must start today. We have limited time in Lorién. Go and change, Ellie. I will meet you back at the pavilion."

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Vendethial was waiting at her flet, her long hair combed into a graceful braid.

"Nice hair," complimented Ellie, always appreciative of good 'do.

"Thank you My Lady." Vendethial said with a blush. "I am sorry I was not here when you awoke. I was attending to other business. I trust you found everything?"

"Yeah, yeah, I was fine. I'm a big girl ya'know."

"Lord Aragorn informed me that you are to train with him and Master Legolas. I have clothes for you here." The elf maiden gestured to some neatly folded clothes on the bed. There was a long silky skirt, a tunic in deep plum, a lace-up black leather vest, and leather boots. Ellie dressed quickly, and examined her reflection in the mirror.

"Yeah baby! I'm an awesome woman warrior! Hiya!" She struck what she thought was a battle stance, lost her balance, and toppled over backwards on the bed. Vendethial couldn't help but giggle.

"Forgive me for laughing, Lady Ellie." she apologized after Ellie picked herself off the bed. "It was rude of me. Are you ready?"

"Yep, all ready!" Ellie waved goodbye to Vendethial and skipped away happily.

Legolas was waiting for her with the four hobbits. He gazed at her training clothes appraisingly.

"Well, you certainly look the part." he commented. Ellie blushed, and twirled a strand of golden hair between her fingers.

"Aw, shucks. You're kinda cute yourself, ya know." She hurriedly clapped a hand over her mouth. Had she honestly just said that? Legolas chuckled unconcernedly.

"Thank you, Ellie. That is very kind of you." Frodo glanced over at her, a knowing smile on his face.

"Perhaps we ought to head to the training grounds," the blue-eyed hobbit suggested.

"Of course, Frodo. Let us be off."

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Ellie was standing next to Legolas, a bow and arrow in her hand and a target in front of her. The hobbits were practicing sword fighting with Boromir, who was also at the training grounds. Ellie had expected to hate archery, but amazingly enough it was okay.

"Now remember," Legolas was lecturing. "After you notch the arrow you must be careful that it does not fall." Ellie notched the arrow, and tried to focus on keeping there.

"Like this?" she tried to keep her arms from shaking. Focusing on the target, she released the arrow. It flew right past the target, almost hitting Boromir.

"Careful!" he shouted, looking slightly annoyed.

"Sorry!" Ellie screamed back. Legolas picked up another arrow.

"How about I help with this one?"

He stepped behind her, encircling his arms around her. His hand covered hers as he helped her draw the string back. Ellie couldn't breathe. _Ohhhhh, _he was so warm, and smelled so nice, and were all those muscles real? Legolas' heart was thumping gently in his well-chiseled chest. Ellie could here the slight pump and it made her own heart rate speed up.

"Lady Ellie?" Legolas asked. Ellie realized she had completely zoned out.

"I'm good," she whispered. Breathing labored, she focused on the target, imagining the whistle of the arrow through the air before piercing the center. The hobbits and Boromir were watching her. Taking a deep breath, she released the arrow.

It zoomed through the air in slow motion before striking the center of the target. Ellie shrieked.

"Ohmigod! I DID IT! BULLSEYE, WOO HOO!" For some bizarre reason, her victory made her want to Gangnam Style. She immediately began the horse dance.

"Oppa Gangnam Style! Heeeeeeeyyyyy, sexy lady!" she sang. The hobbits, Legolas and Boromir, who had been previously smiling, looked at her with mildly freaked out expressions. Ellie stopped dancing and coughed awkwardly.

"Sorry," she said. "Just a little over-enthusiastic."

"You have reason to be excited!" exclaimed Legolas. "You have quite the natural talent in archery."

"Really?" asked Ellie.

"Really," the elf confirmed with a kindly smile.

Hitting that bullseye, it turned out, was more luck than anything else. Ellie didn't hit one again, although by the end of the training session she was consistently hitting the outside of the target. Legolas was very pleased.

"Excellent!" he exclaimed as she once again hit the outside of the target. "We will keep training daily, and you will be in good shape for our journey onward."

"I will be going continuing on the journey, right?" asked Ellie, suddenly nervous that they would leave her here in Lorién with a bunch of elves that were prettier than her. Legolas frowned.

"I believe you are coming with us. I will have to discuss it with Aragorn. Do you wish to remain here?"

"No!" exclaimed Ellie. "I mean, it's not like I don't love it here and all, but I want to stay with you. I feel like I'm part of this quest too, ya know? If anything happened to Frodo, I would never forgive myself."

"Then of course you will have to come with us," Legolas reassured. He turned back to the hobbits. "Come, we should head back. The rest of the Fellowship will be having supper." Grabbing Ellie's hand (leaving little warm tingles where their skin made contact) he led her out of the pavilion. Frodo watched their retreating backs, his blue eyes sparkling knowingly.

"Did you see that?" he asked Pippin. Pippin looked more confused than usual.

"Did I see what?"

"It's nothing." Frodo brushed off his previous question. But he smiled mentally. He had seen the look in Ellie's eyes, and although she didn't yet recognize her feelings, he did.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Soon the entire Fellowship was gathered in the pavilion, munching on delicious food.

"Man, these elves sure know how to cook!" Ellie exclaimed, trying to change subject after Legolas' recounted her bullseye for those who missed, causing her to blush embarrassedly. Pippin, perhaps one of the only people Ellie had met that loved food as much as she did, nodded in agreement.

"So Ellie, have you ever courted anyone in your world?" Frodo asked randomly.

"Huh?" asked Ellie, confused. "What's courting?"

"Have you ever been in a romantic relationship with someone," the blue-eyed hobbit clarified.

"Oh, you mean like dating? Yeah, I had a steady boyfriend back home, but I've dated quite a few people." The rest of the Fellowship looked slightly started by this information.

"You've been involved with more than one person?" Pippin asked. "Doesn't that make you—" Sam clapped a hand over the young hobbit's mouth, before knocking him on the arm in rebuke.

"Mind your language!"

"A slut?" Ellie finished his sentence. "No. In my world, relationships are much looser. People date, and make out, and do other things with lots of different people. Although I have dated more than is normal for my age."

"Who was your first kiss?" Merry asked, only to become the receiving end of Sam's wrath.

"Master Merry, you've got no business asking Lady Ellie personal information like that!"

"It's okay, I don't mind. My first kiss was kind of weird. I was thirteen, and my best friend Sandra had a bit of a bi-curious stage. I was one of the first people to find that out." The Fellowship was unable to comprehend what she was saying.

"My first kiss was with my best friend." Ellie stated bluntly. Everyone looked quite shocked, before growing quite red.

"You kissed a girl?" Boromir asked, spluttering a bit.

"And I liked it!" Ellie sang. When she saw the Fellowship was taking her seriously, she shook her head exasperatedly. "It's a song guys. But seriously, where I come from it's not a super big deal to kiss someone of the same gender. Some people might give you crap about it, but it's pretty common. And the kiss was nice. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but I don't mind fooling around."

"Well, getting back on more normal topics," Aragorn said with an awkward cough. "Legolas, you were telling us about your training session with the hobbits and Ellie?"

"It was very successful. We must find a way to acquire a bow and arrow for her before we continue on our journey."

"Does she not wish to stay in Lorién?"

"I'm coming with you whether you like it or not!" exclaimed Ellie. "I'm a part of this quest whether you like it or not, and there is no way you're getting rid of me."

"Lady Ellie," Boromir began gently. He had become considerably more polite to her after Gandalf's fall. "With all due respect, it may be in your best interest to remain in Lorién. The Quest will be growing much more dangerous the closer we get to Mordor. We do not want you to be injured, or worse."

"I know what you're saying, and I respect that, but I have to come." Tears welled up in Ellie's eyes. "Don't you understand? You guys are the only friends I have. I don't have a family anymore, or a home, or anywhere to belong. I'll be lost if I'm left alone here."

Everyone looked slightly touched. Boromir wrapped an arm around her.

"Of course you shall come with us then." Aragorn assured her. Soon the meal was done, and Ellie stood.

"I think I'll be turning in for the night. Thanks guys." Legolas stood as well.

"I will accompany you."

"Oh, you really don't have to do that." Ellie said hurriedly.

"I want to." He held out his arm, and she took it gladly, savoring the contact. They walked in silence, content to merely appreciate each other's company and the beauty of the forest. Everything in Loth Lorién seemed lovelier when Ellie was with Legolas. The night sky seemed bluer, the stars glittering and the trees shone like mithril. All too soon, they reached her flet.

"Thanks for walking me Legolas." Ellie said with a smile.

"It was my pleasure." And with a gesture so quick Ellie could barely register what was happening, he seized her hand and placed a light kiss on it, his lips just brushing her skin. Ellie stared after him in shock as he departed, her mouth open dumbly. She touched her hand tentatively, feeling the scorching skin that his lips-_his lips_-had touched. Suddenly, when her ecstasy was too much to contain, she let out a loud squeal of joy.

She ran into her room and collapsed on the bed in a haze of happiness, still clutching her hand in joy. Still in her training clothes and boots, Ellie fell asleep quickly, before sinking into dreams of Legolas and his warm, wonderful lips.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

"Lady Ellie, you must wake up."

"Don't wanna. Too comfy."

"Please Lady Ellie!" Ellie opened a sleepy eye and saw Vendethial gently shaking her awake.

"Do I have to?" she mumbled, not wanting to leave her warm, cozy bed.

"Yes, you do. You overslept and Master Legolas is waiting to take you to your archery lesson." Ellie leapt out of bed.

"Oh no, I'm gonna be late!" She took a super quick bath to get rid of the grime from yesterday's training session, and Vendethial helped her dress at the speed of light. Tying her hair up in a quick ponytail, Ellie ran out of the flet, before tripping over her own feet. Naturally, she tripped at the edge of the deck, and fell 9 feet screaming her head off. Her landing turned out softer than she expected, because there was something underneath her. Looking down, she saw Legolas' face inches from hers.

"Oh my gosh, Legolas, I'm so sorry." Ellie exclaimed, leaping up as nimbly as she could. Legolas stood up too, brushing himself off. Being an elf, he still looked perfect, of course.

"It is perfectly alright. I was not expecting to see a flying human cannonball at that particular time, so I could not step out of the way." the blond elf said with a kind smile.

"Flying human cannonball? Really, Legolas?" Ellie exclaimed in mock offense.

"Indeed, it could an effective strategy. We only need to drop you on a pack of orcs and the battle is won!"

"Interesting strategy." responded Ellie with a laugh. "Although it's probably better to practice less risky battle techniques. Let's go and train."

"As you wish, My Lady." Legolas said. "I have something for you in the practice area."

"Oooooh, a surprise! I like surprises." Ellie chirped, clapping her hands like a two-year-old receiving a large present.

"Let us go then." Legolas held out his arm chivalrously, and Ellie took it happily.

The surprise, it turned out, was her very own bow. It was significantly smaller than the one she had been training with the previous day, and much easier to use. Legolas noticed the difference. By the time they were finished he was very pleased.

"Excellent, Ellie! Wonderful job!" He complimented after she managed to strike one of the inner rings. "Tomorrow we will start practicing shooting while moving, and hitting moving targets."

"Moving targets?" Ellie swallowed nervously. Just when she got the hang of the basics he had to throw something new at her.

"Did you think orcs would stand perfectly still and allow you to kill them? You still have much to learn Ellie." Legolas reminded her kindly.

"I know, I know. Let's start tomorrow though, okay? I'm tired."

"Of course. We should rest for now." The wandered a little bit before finding a nice little pavilion to sit in.

"Legolas?" asked Ellie.

"Mmm?" came his reply. The elf's eyes were closed.

"Could you teach me some Elvish?" Ellie had heard the elves speak in their own language, heard Legolas use it, and it was she wanted to speak it too.

"You wish to learn Sindarion?"

"Yeah. It sounds so pretty when you speak it." She hoped flattery would get her somewhere.

"'Tis a beautiful language." Legolas breathed. "Of course you shall learn it. It is probably for the best. Come, let us go to the library. We will be able to study there."

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Language, it turned out, didn't come nearly as easily to Ellie as archery did. After an hour of listening to basic conjugations and pronunciations she was tired, frustrated, and angry. Legolas was trying to be patient but Ellie could tell he was becoming exasperated.

"Ellie, for the last time, it's _Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn. _Not "El seela arin loo ee-goovaneed veen," the blond elf exclaimed, his voice rising slightly.

"I'm trying Legolas! I'm just not good with languages, okay?" Ellie exclaimed. Legolas took a few deep breaths.

"Perhaps you should try an easier phrase. Listen to me and mimic my voice: _Pedig edhellen?_"

"Pedig eedhelleen?" tried Ellie. Legolas sighed.

"Close enough. Do you remember what that means?"

"Umm…" Ellie racked her brains. "Do you speak Elvish?"

"Yes!" Legolas exclaimed, happy that he was finally getting through to her. "Now, can you tell me if that phrase is familiar or reverential?" Ellie gaped at him.

"How the hell am I supposed to know that?"

"Reverential phrases end with a 'g' instead of an 'l'. Listen: _Pedig edhellen? _is familiar and _Pedil edhellen?_ is reverential. Another example is _Gwestog? _being the familiar version of 'Do you promise?" versus the reverential version, _Gwestol?_"

"I think I get that." Ellie said, trying to look thoughtful. In reality she had no idea what he was talking about. "So, would I use familiar or reverential with you?"

"You have known me long enough to use the familiar version." Legolas said with a smile. Suddenly, Frodo burst into the library.

"I hope I'm not interrupting?" he asked.

"You are fine, we were just finishing up." Legolas assured the hobbit.

"Oh, good. Aragorn is looking for you Legolas. He said that there is a serious matter he needs to discuss."

"Thank you for informing me." Legolas turned to Ellie. "I am sorry, but we must cut this short. You may continue studying if you so wish."

"I think it's pretty much a hopeless case without you to explain everything to me." Ellie threw up her arms in surrender.

"We will have to continue another time then." Legolas grabbed her hand, dropped a light kiss on it, and left quickly. Ellie closed her eyes, appreciating the giddy, dizzy feeling.

"Do you love him?" She had completely forgot about Frodo! The dark-haired hobbit was gazing at her with that damn knowing smile on his face. She flushed an ugly shade of magenta.

"No! I mean, he's my friend, but I don't like him like that!" exclaimed Ellie indignantly, crossing her arms. The smile didn't leave Frodo's face.

"You can tell me you know. I can keep a secret." Ellie sighed exasperatedly.

"Fine! Maybe I like him just the tiniest little bit! I don't _love _him though. It's just, he's like supermegafoxyawesomehot, and he's super nice and a great warrior, and I mean what's not to love?" she rambled on. "But even if I did love him, it's not like he would return my feelings."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you." the hobbit said. Ellie looked up at him with sorrowful eyes.

"How do you know? It's like that whole prophecy thing Gandalf mentioned. Unrequited love and all of that. I mean, why would he love someone like me? I'm clumsy and stupid and I'm not nearly as pretty as an elf."

"I think you're very pretty." Frodo said with a very small blush. "And I'm sure Legolas does too. You shouldn't assume he feels a certain way until you know for sure. Besides, I've seen him staring at you as well. And the look on his face when you told that story about your first kiss!"

"You really think he might like me?" Ellie sniffled.

"I do. We'll just have to wait and see." Ellie looked at the ringbearer. He looked weary, and older than when she first met him. His stunning blue eyes were worried and sad. And yet he was still comforting her. Suddenly, Ellie felt as rush of gratitude for the little hobbit. She stood and threw her arms around him.

"Thank you so much Frodo!" she squealed. Frodo choked out what sounded like a "You're welcome" but he was having some trouble breathing as he was being smothered by Ellie's chest in her vice-like grip.

"Can't breathe!" he gasped, and Ellie released him quickly.

"Sorry, just got a little bit over-zealous for a second."

"It's perfectly alright." Ellie smiled kindly at Frodo. The dark-haired Halfling was rapidly becoming her favorite of the four hobbits. He was right. Only time could tell in matters of love.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.O.o.O.**

**Author's Note: Mainly a filler, but still my longest chapter yet! Did anyone catch the reference from "A Very Potter Musical"? God I love Darren Criss. If you caught the reference, use it in your review and you can win a virtual Darren Criss plushie! Just to clear this up, Ellie is NOT a lesbian. I was just using that section to show that she's open about her feelings and love life, and thought that would be an interesting little twist. Frodo will be featured heavily in the next few chapters, because after the Breaking of the Fellowship he's not really going to be a part of the story. I'm waiting for at least 6 reviews for this chapter before I update, so please read and review.**

**lotrjesusfreak: The Legolas/Ellie fluff is making me suuuuuper excited. Every time I write a little romantic part, I go SQUEEE! Thank you so, so, so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it and hope you keep reading.**

**kaototchi: You, my friend, are an awesome person. You are the only one of my readers that has reviewed every chapter of my story! Just for that, you win a lifetime supply of puppies, 'cause I'm awesome like that. Legolas/Ellie fluff will be featured in heavily in Lorién since those two have waaaaaay too much time on their hands! Thanks for the review and hope you keep reading.**

**Kinalove: Poor, poor Ellie. I really give her a rough time of it. Thankfully that drama's over, but she has much embarrassment ahead of her before the journey's up. *Laughs Evilly* I'm glad you think my story's realistic. I'll try to keep it that way, although things will be getting a little weirder in the next chapter. Thank for your review, and hope you keep reading.**

**Ninja Elf girl: Awkwardness is my middle name. No, seriously my full name is Lothelen Awkward Elf Chick. jk, but I still like making things as uncomfortable as possible for poor Ellie. Wait until she finds out that her bra was lost in the laundry when they arrived at Lorién, or as she calls it, Loth L'Oreal, lol. Thanks for the review, and hope you keep reading! ^_^**

**Guest: Lol, and I thought getting mine in AP English was unbearable. I feel kind of bad for the guys too. Ellie's corrupting them all with her strange, female ways. Thanks for the review and keep writing! **


	9. Mirror, Mirror on the…Birdbath?

**No Malls in Middle Earth: Mirror, Mirror on the…Birdbath?**

**Author's Note: Wow. You guys really blew me away with the reviews on the last chapter. 6 reviews in one day! I think that's a new record. Thank you so, so, so, SO much for reading this and offering your support. It means a lot to me. I think my chapters are slowly getting longer, each one seems to take twice as long to write lol. I'm posting this early as a belated Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/New Years present! Enjoy!**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

"Auuuuugh!" Pippin shrieked girlishly as an arrow flew dangerously close his ear. "Ellie, please, BE CAREFUL!" That was the fourth time during that training session the Ellie had nearly killed someone with her bad aim.

"Sorry Pip!" She hollered, before notching another arrow. Legolas was attempting to teach her how to strike the target while running, and even though her many attempts weren't successful, she was a ridiculously good time.

"Lady Ellie, you are having far too much fun," said Legolas with a small smile as he watched Ellie perform a silly war chant when her arrow hit the tree the target was on. "If you just concentrated, I'm sure you would be able to hit the target."

"Can't!" Ellie exclaimed, as she pirouetted around the tree trunk. "I'm just too HAPPY!" She giggled and flopped on the grass. Legolas crossed over to her and sat gracefully next to her.

"Why are you so happy?" the elf asked. Ellie shrugged truthfully. She didn't know why, but the last few days she felt as if she was on a cloud of joy. Maybe it was the fact that Legolas had taken to kissing her hand when they parted, or maybe it was that, unlike her time on the journey, she had enough food to eat daily, and clean, warm clothes to wear. Whatever it was, Ellie was positively ecstatic.

"C'mon!" she chirped. "I want to keep scaring Pippin—I mean practicing!" Legolas chuckled lightly and watched as she skipped around the four hobbits. Aragorn, who had been training with the Halflings, crossed over to his elf friend.

"She has a joy all her own, does she not?" he commented. Legolas nodded quietly.

"She does indeed," he agreed. "So carefree." Aragorn gazed at his friend carefully, examining his expression. He smiled knowingly.

"Lady Ellie means a lot to all of us," he said. "She's certainly grown on me since she joined us on our journey." Their conversation (and Ellie's strange antics) were interrupted by Vendethial, who had arrived in the training grounds.

"Heya Vendethial!" greeted Ellie happily, and she immediately ran over to hug the elf maiden. Vendethial stood rather stiffly before returning the hug gingerly.

"Good morning, Lady Ellie," she responded. "I have a message I must give Lord Aragorn and Master Legolas." Ellie, who loved talking to anything and anyone, looked slightly disappointed.

"Oh, okay. They're over there." She gestured to the man and the elf, and Vendethial crossed over to them. Ellie watched with narrowed eyes as the elleth spoke with Aragorn. She turned to Pippin.

"Are they talking about me? Did I do something wrong? Maybe their having a food shortage from our contest yesterday and they're gonna kick us out. Oh crap…" Pippin rolled his eyes.

"They aren't going to kick us out Ellie. Honestly, you worry about the silliest things," the hobbit said, still slightly pissed about nearly being killed by an arrow. Just then Aragorn, and Legolas began heading towards them.

"Lady Vendethial has informed us that Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel are hosting a feast to honor the deeds of the Fellowship tomorrow evening. We will all be attending. There will be food, drink, and dancing," Aragorn announced. Ellie clapped her hands excitedly.

"Like a party? I love parties! Except for that winter formal last year where I ate all of these cookies and got sick and barfed on my biology teacher and had detention for a month. That wasn't fun. Okay, you probably didn't need to know that," she rambled, and Aragorn shot her a slightly disgusted look.

"Let us continue training. The feast is no reason to become distracted from our purpose, for our Quest remains."

"Come Ellie," said Legolas, handing her an arrow. "And please attempt to concentrate this time. Time is running short." Ellie scowled.

"Killjoy," she mumbled, before continuing her attempts to hit the target while running. She wondered what she could wear to the "feast" (which would always be a party in her mind). Something pretty that would impress Legolas.

When they were done training, Ellie happily skipped back to her flet, where she found Vendethial.

"Hi!" she chirped. "Aragorn told me about the party—I mean feast. What am I gonna wear?" The elf maiden smiled, well acquainted with Ellie's love of clothes and hair.

"I'm sure we will find something suitable, Lady Ellie," she said. "I have a particular dress in mind that would look lovely on you.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.**

The prospect of dressing up made Ellie so excited she could hardly wait. Attending a formal occasion made her slightly homesick, remembering the holiday parties, and prom. It was as if a touch of her world was on Middle Earth after all. The night of the feast finally came, and Vendethial began helping Ellie prepare a couple of hours before.

"I have your dress!" the elleth said, slightly excited when she burst through the door. Ellie had been propped on her bed, attempting to read something in Sindarin and failing miserably. She happily leapt up and gazed in excited joy at the gown Vendethial was holding.

It was a had two layers of thin gossamer fabric, one a silvery white and the other a very pale shade of robin's egg blue. The sleeves were a gradient of the two colors and were practically as long as the skirt. Delicate silver lacing and crystal beading finished the gown, and it was easily the most beautiful thing Ellie had ever seen. She reached out to touch to fabric, but Vendethial snapped her fingers in rebuke.

"Bathe first," she ordered, gesturing to the bathroom. "Come, we will make you a sight for sore eyes."

Ellie took a luxurious bath, especially fine since Vendethial had acquired some lovely bath salts and a delicious smelling vanilla scented soap. By the time she was through, her skin was glowing, her hair was buttery soft and her entire body smelled like a wonderful desert.

"Wonderful." Vendethial exclaimed when Ellie emerged in her robe. "Let us get you dressed."

She helped Ellie into her gown, which fit like a dream. The color brought out the blue in her eyes and the gold in her hair, and floated rather than drag when she walked. It swished against Ellie's legs softly, the feeling accentuated by the fact that Elves didn't wear underwear, only slips.

"Can you help me with my hair?" asked Ellie sweetly, quite pleased with her reflection. Vendethial, who had secretly enjoyed experimenting on the human girl's hair, let out a very faint giggle.

"Of course. Do you wish to have it pinned up, partly up, in a braid, or down?" Ellie brought a thoughtful finger to her jaw.

"Hmm. Partly pinned up, with embellishment I think," she decided.

"Sit down," ordered Vendethial, gesturing to the vanity. Ellie obeyed happily, watching in the mirror as the elleth began to play with her hair. She brushed it slowly until it shone brightly before securing half of it back with an elegant silver ribbon, leaving out tasteful strands to frame Ellie's face. She secured a beautiful hair comb in the back before sprinkling small crystal hairpins throughout, making the hair glisten when Ellie moved her head.

"What do you think?" the elf maiden asked when she was finished. Ellie examined her reflection in awe.

"It's gorgeous. Just stunning. Thank you so much," she said, smiling at Vendethial. "Do you think it will…Do you think it will impress Legolas?" she asked, slightly embarrassed. The elleth smiled knowingly.

"I am sure it will," she responded. "Go now, the Fellowship will be waiting for you." Ellie rose carefully, not wanting to trip on her gown.

"Thanks again!" she exclaimed, before exiting the flet and heading towards the pavilion.

The Fellowship was waiting, and they had been spiffed up considerably. Legolas, Aragorn, and Boromir were all wearing new, fine tunics and trousers like those the elves of Lorién wore, and the hobbits and Gimli's usual attire had been washed, as the elves had no new clothes that would fit them. When they saw her, several mouths dropped open.

"Who are you and what have you done with Ellie?" asked Pippin faux-innocently, and Merry nodded in agreement.

"Seriously, you look beautiful," he said with an uncharacteristic blush. "Not that you don't look lovely normally," the hobbit added hastily, his blush deepening. Frodo shot him a sharp glance. Legolas crossed to her, taking her hand and placing a lingering kiss on it. Ellie internally swooned.

"Master Meriadoc is right. You are lovelier than the stars, Lady Ellie." Now it was Ellie's turn to blush.

"Aw shucks. But why the sudden formality? You know how I hate being called lady," she pointed out. The corner of Legolas' perfect mouth lifted in a ridiculously small smirk.

"I apologize, Ellie. I hope you can forgive me?" He leaned in ever so slightly. Ellie's breath caught in her throat, and her heartbeat sped up.

"I'm sure I can find a way to," she whispered, and was shocked by the slightly seductive tone to her voice. The moment was interrupted when Merry cleared his throat awkwardly, a strange expression on his face. Legolas and Ellie stepped apart, both blushing slightly.

"Perhaps we should head out," suggested Boromir.

"Indeed," Legolas agreed. He offered Ellie his arm, and she took it gladly, savoring the contact. The group headed out, prepared for the feast ahead.

The feast was being held in a beautiful clearing, a variety of elegant tables holding delicious elvish dishes, and bottles of a drink that looked like liquid gold. There were already elves there, standing quietly and looking stunningly beautiful. Some of them were whispering among themselves. Ellie bristled with jealousy when a pretty elleth with straight pearly hair and pale blue eyes smiled at Legolas. _Bitch._

The Fellowship and elves were soon seated at the tables and an awkward silence fell over the room. Ellie felt that this was awful. Damn stuffy elves, parties were supposed to be loud. Maybe she could get a round of karaoke going later to liven things up.

The silence intensified when Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel entered the clearing, glowing with the same ethereal light as when the Fellowship first encountered them. Galadriel was even lovelier than she was during their previous meeting, but Ellie took slight comfort in the fact that she was married, making the likelihood of her hitting on Legolas not great. Lord Celeborn interrupted her musings when he opened his mouth.

"We have gathered here to honor the great deeds of the Fellowship of the Ring," he began in his characteristic monotone. "These men—" Ellie coughed indignantly. How dare he forget about her!

"These men and _woman,_" the elf lord continued with a pointed stare at Ellie, "Are willing to risk their lives to preserve Middle Earth as we know it. Let us honor them!"

"We also honor Mithrandir, whose bravery and wisdom aided the Fellowship through the net of Moria, and fell into shadow to preserve the Quest," Galadriel said. The elves lowered their heads in mourning and Ellie rolled her eyes. Was the entire feast going to be this boring?

Elves, it turned out, did know how to have a good time. After a ten-minute speech honoring the deeds of the Fellowship, the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood retreated, leaving much alcohol to be drunk and much dancing to be had. Elves were merrily dancing to music played on harps and flutes, and Ellie was having a marvelous time watching from the sidelines.

"So you are the human girl that joined the Fellowship?" Ellie turned from where she was watching Gimli attempt to dance with a young, dark haired elleth. Two elves were gazing at her with identical smirks on their faces. They looked like younger versions of that snotty elf, Haldir, minus the annoying expression.

"Yup, that's me. Clumsy human girl at your service." Ellie answered with a mock bow. The elves both chuckled.

"Rúmil," the one on the left introduced himself with a bow.

"And Orophin," said the other, mimicking his twin.

"Pleased to meet you," they chorused. Ellie giggled. Twins fascinated her.

"The pleasure's mine," she responded politely. "I'm Ellie. Do you know who you guys look like? That snotty elf, Haldir." Ellie shook her head in disgust. Rúmil and Orophin glanced at each other.

"It's funny that you should say that…" Orophin began, and Rúmil quickly cut in.

"Because he is our brother." Ellie clapped a hand over her mouth, super embarrassed. God, she was stupid. She had just insulted their brother when they were so obviously related.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry," she apologized quickly. Orophin smiled at her reassuringly.

"It is perfectly alright, you had no way of knowing. Our brother takes his job very…seriously," he said, clearly searching for the right word. Rúmil got a mischevious look in his eyes, and he glanced at his brother, whose expression quickly adopted the same look.

"Why are you not dancing, Lady Ellie? Surely a lady as lovely as you would have numerous suitors," Rúmil said, a charming smile on his face. Ellie couldn't help it, she blushed.

"Aw shucks. Who would want to dance with little ol' me when there's all these hot elf chicks around?" She shot a jealous glare at Legolas, who was dancing with the same elleth that was eyeballing him earlier. "Besides, I don't know how to dance," she admitted. Orophin gasped in faux shock.

"A lovely lady that is unable to dance? Impossible!" he exclaimed. "Come, we will teach you."

"That really won't be necessary," Ellie began, but before she could protest any further, the two elves had already dragged her onto the dance floor.

Ellie soon found that dancing was not nearly as scary as she initially thought, indeed it was rather fun. She giggled happily as Rúmil twirled her around, before she noticed Legolas gazing at her with a strange expression on his face. She shot him a coy grin before smiling seductively at Rúmil, who looked rather shocked.

"You're a very good teacher," Ellie practically purred. "The best dance instructor I could hope for." She leaned against his chest and glanced over at Legolas again, who was glaring at Rúmil. She knew it was wrong to use the poor elf to make Legolas jealous, but she couldn't help but want him to notice her flirting.

"You are a natural," Rúmil said with a shy grin. The song ended, and Ellie looked around for a new dance partner, and was surprised to see Merry gazing up at her. He reached for her hand and placed a light kiss on it, not even having to bend over to do so.

"Lady Ellie? Would you dance with me?" the hobbit asked, a blush blossoming in his cheeks.

"I would be delighted to," Ellie responded with a kind smile. "Although you know how I hate being called Lady." They began to dance, and Ellie noted that they probably looked very odd, a tall human girl dancing with an adorable little hobbit half her height. Merry was unusually silent, so Lady Ellie searched for a question to break the ice.

"What do you miss most about the Shire?" she settled on, knowing how the hobbits loved talking about their home. Merry bit his lip thoughtfully.

"Probably stealing Farmer Maggot's crops with Pippin," he answered truthfully, though he looked immediately worried that Ellie would reprimand him. Instead, she giggled.

"Stealing?" she gasped. "Very naughty of you, Master Meriadoc. I remember shoplifting a few tubes of lip-gloss with Sandra from Victoria's Secret. I always loved the adrenaline rush." Merry looked at her with curiosity.

"What's lip-gloss?" he asked earnestly.

"Lip-gloss is makeup," Ellie explained, though she immediately realized that he probably didn't know what that was. "Makeup is stuff you put on your face to make you look prettier. You use lip-gloss to make your lips pretty colors, mascara to thicken your eyelashes and eyeliner to make your eyes pop. God, I miss my Elizabeth Arden gold eyeliner…"

"And what is Victoria's Secret?" Merry asked, and Ellie sighed, really not wanting to explain what a bra was to the hobbit.

"It's an underwear store," she said, and Merry blushed. _God, _Ellie thought. _People here are such prudes. Can't even here the word 'underwear' without blushing._

The song ended, and Merry kissed her hand again, still blushing. Ellie smiled kindly at him.

"Thank you for dancing with me," he said.

"It was my pleasure," Ellie responded, before noticing Orophin at a table holding a drink. She crossed over to him.

"What is that?" she asked, gesturing to the goblet in his hand. "Elvish wine?" Orophin grinned.

"I suppose you could call it that," he answered. "Would you like some?"

"Sure, what the heck," responded Ellie with an airy wave of her hand, and Orophin quickly poured her a glass of amber liquid. She sipped it tentatively and immediately shivered in pleasure. The drink burned in her throat and immediately gave her a burst of energy.

One drink turned into several, and Ellie was soon more than a little tipsy. Her vision blurred, her speech slurred, and her voice grew increasingly loud, as she recounted her part on the Quest to Orophin, who was watching her in amusement.

"And then-hic-I screamed 'cause-hic-the bird pooped on my head, and man-hic-Gandalf went ballistic! Thought he was gonna-hic-explode!" Ellie said animatedly, waving her arms as she attempted to narrate the tale of the bird poop incident between hiccups and giggles. Orophin chuckled in amusement. Legolas, who had been glancing over at her with narrowed eyes, saw and quickly crossed over to them.

"Ellie," he began, sweeping into a bow and placing a feathery kiss on her hand. "Would you do me the pleasure of dancing with me?" Ellie giggled again, feeling even more giddy than usual that Legolas was speaking to her.

"Gee, everyone keeps asking me to dance!" she exclaimed. "It's like a dancing conspiracy, lol." She mentally winced. God, Legolas must think she was immature.

"I will take that as a yes," the elf prince responded, before sweeping her onto the dance floor. He placed one hand on her waist and held her hand in his other. Ellie's breath immediately hitched in her throat, her senses intensified by the elven wine. They began to move, Legolas' confident movements guiding her shaky ones.

"I saw you dancing with Rúmil earlier," Legolas whispered, his warm breath hitting her cheek. His voice was slightly raspy, and maybe just a tiny bit…jealous? "Did you enjoy it?" Ellie barely registered his question. She was having a hard time concentrating when his soft lips were that close to her face. So close, she could nearly reach up and kiss them…

"Lady Ellie?" Ellie blushed, realizing she had completely zoned out.

"It was nice," she mumbled. "Not as nice as this is though." Hesitantly, she leaned into his chest. He smelled like he always did, a sort of spicy pine smell that burned pleasantly in Ellie's nose. She listened to the slight rustle of his tunic when he moved, the steady ticking of his heart. They continued to dance, and Ellie's skin burned with desire where his hand touched her waist, so hot she was afraid it would scorch him. Time seemed to slow, and all too soon, the song ended, the last notes wavering delicately. Ellie glanced up, and flushed when she saw Leoglas' face inches from hers.

She leaned in slowly, her eyelids fluttering shut in preparation for that magical moment when their lips would touch…

"Ellie? Legolas?" Frodo was standing there awkwardly, and Legolas and Ellie leapt apart. Ellie immediately bowed her head in embarrassment. Had she honestly been about to kiss him? Stupid alcohol, damaging her decision-making skills. Not that she had any to begin with…

"Aragorn says that we ought to turn in for the night," Frodo was continuing, the look in his eyes clearly saying "I know what you were about to do."

"Thank you Frodo," said Legolas with an awkward cough. "Come," he said, holding out his arm for Ellie. "Let us go back to the pavilion.

When they arrived there, and Ellie saw the Fellowship preparing for bed, she suddenly dreaded the thought of returning to her lonely flet. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the almost kiss, but something about the thought of being all alone up there was unbearable. Ellie turned to Legolas with pleading eyes.

"Can I sleep in the pavilion tonight?" she asked. "I can run up to my flet, change into my nightgown and come back down here. I promise I won't be any trouble." Legolas frowned.

"I'm sorry Ellie, but that is hardly acceptable. It would be improper." He seemed a little stiff and Ellie sighed mentally. _Fan-fucking-tastic, _she thought. _I probably scared the poor guy out of his mind when I tried to kiss him._

"Please Legolas," she begged, giving him her best puppy-dog look. "I promise that it'll just bet this once. I won't be any trouble, I swear. I just can't stand the thought of being all alone." Legolas looked at her pleading eyes and sighed.

"Just this once," he conceded. "Go and change, and I will inform the rest that you will be staying here tonight."

"Thanks Legolas," responded Ellie gratefully. She gave him a quick hug before quickly skipping off. Legolas turned to the rest of the Fellowship.

"Lady Ellie is slightly intoxicated, so she will be spending the night here," he announced. Aragorn looked up doubtfully.

"Are you sure that is wise, Legolas?"

"I do not feel comfortable with her being alone when she is inebriated," Legolas insisted, even though Ellie wasn't that drunk. "She may wander off and become lost." Aragorn sighed, giving in.

"Only for this one night," he said. Legolas nodded in agreement. Just then, Ellie appeared, dressed in her most modest nightgown (since she feared they would kick her out otherwise), her hair in a long braid. She settled quickly among the hobbits, ignoring the slight twinge of disappointment that she wasn't pressed next to Legolas. The rest of the Fellowship settled, and soon, squished between Frodo and Merry, Ellie fell asleep and began dreaming.

She was dancing with Legolas again, only her parents and Amber were watching them. They didn't look happy though, they were scowling at the pair. Suddenly, their expressions turned to terror. Ellie glanced at them questioningly, but all at once she was swept off her feet and on to the back of something large and smelly. Legolas disappeared. She bounced uncomfortably on the thing's back, feeling very exposed. A shuffling noise came from above her head. Looking up, she found that her head was bound and she couldn't quite see it…

Ellie shot up, breathing slightly heavily. The shuffling noise was coming from Frodo, who had stood.

"What do you think you're doing?" she whispered, but either he didn't hear her or didn't deem her question worth answering. Ellie followed his gaze and saw a figure, glowing softly among the trees. It was the Lady Galadriel. Frodo was following the Lady cautiously, and not knowing what else to do, Ellie followed him.

They soon came into a glade with what looked like a large, ornate birdbath in the center of it. Galadriel picked up a silver ewer and allowed an arc of water to fall into the birdbath, light dancing off the stream as it fell. Her gaze met Frodo's, and Ellie quickly ducked behind a bush, not wanting to be seen. Even though Galadriel could most definitely see her, as she could read minds.

_You are correct, I know you are hiding there, Ellie._

"Will you look into the mirror?" Galadriel asked. _Mirror? _thought Ellie. _Looks like a plain birdbath to me. Crazy elf witch._

"What will I see?" asked Frodo hesitantly, his blue eyes even wider than usual.

"Even the wisest cannot tell," Galadriel said, her voice eerie. "For the mirror…shows many things. Things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass." _Like the pensieve in Harry Potter. J.K Rowling should totally sue Tolkien for stealing that…_

Frodo was stepping to the mirror. Ellie watched the blue-eyed hobbit with concerned eyes. His expression grew troubled as he gazed in the mirror until he looked downright in pain. Ellie wanted nothing more than to leap up and pull him away from the evil birdbath, but just when she was about jump out of her hiding space, he fell back, gasping.

"I know what it is you saw," Galadriel had begun saying. "For it is also in my mind." She stared at Frodo meaningfully, and Ellie watched in shock as he extended his hand, the ring glinting on his palm

"You offer it to me freely," she whispered, extending a shaking hand to take the ring. "I do not deny that my heart has greatly desired this." Suddenly a shadow passed over the glade, making it look murky and green, as though it were underwater. Galadriel raised her arms, and Ellie no longer saw the beautiful lady of light, but a pitiless, terrifying queen.

"In place of a Dark Lord, YOU WOULD HAVE A QUEEN! NOT DARK, BUT BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN! TREACHEROUS AS THE SEA! STRONGER THAN THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE EARTH, ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DESPAIR." Ellie sighed. _Great, Galadriel's gone crazy, and we're all completely and utterly screwed. Just peachy._

The moment passed, and the murky light faded, leaving Galadriel a normal elf. She turned her head, breathing heavily.

"I passed the test," she whispered. "I will diminish and go into the West, and remain Galadriel."

"I cannot do this alone," Frodo said. Galadriel gave him a melancholy smile.

"You are a ringbearer, Frodo. To bear a Ring of Power is to be alone." She lifted her hand and Ellie squinted. It looked as if a star was shining through the lady's fingers. "This is Nenya, the Ring of Adamant, and I am its Keeper. This task was appointed to you, and if you do not find a way, no one will."

"Then I know what I must do," said Frodo. "It's just…I'm afraid to do it!"

"Even the smallest person can change the course of the future," Galadriel answered kindly. Frodo thanked her, and headed back to the pavilion. Galadriel then turned, and looked straight at Ellie.

"I know you are hiding there, Ellie," she said, and Ellie rose. "Will you look into the mirror?"

"I'm not sure," Ellie said, gazing cautiously at the mirror. "Will what I'm going to see frighten me?"

"Perhaps," Galadriel answered mysteriously, and Ellie was torn. On one hand, she didn't want to be terrified like poor Frodo. On the other hand, the mirror could give her answers. Answers that she needed. Her resolve hardening, she stepped up the mirror and peered into the water.

At first, she only saw her own face staring back at her and the stars glistening through the treetops. A ripple passed through the pool though, and an image appeared. It was Ellie, but something was very different. She was dead. Her body was splayed on a battlefield, mutilated and bloody. The image quickly changed. It showed her family, crowded around a grave with her name on it, weeping silently. Ellie gasped, overwhelmed. She tried to turn away, but the image changed once more, and she was captivated. It was an image of a body, covered in cloth and lying on a stone block. Legolas was standing above it, weeping silently. The whole picture was grey and dead looking, except for one thing. A tiny piece of golden hair, peeking from under the fabric. Ellie gasped, tearing her eyes away. She stumbled backwards, hitting the soft grass.

"Dead," she whispered. "I was dead." Galadriel looked at her knowingly.

"Mithrandir warned you of a prophecy the minute you came into Arda," she said. "It spoke of a great unrequited love. If you choose to love Legolas, you will die." Ellie gasped, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"What other choice do I have? I love him, there's nothing I can do about it," she whispered.

"If you die in Arda, you will return to Earth. But you will not return alive," explained Galadriel. Tears were rolling freely now, hot and wet down Ellie's face.

"So I'm doomed then? I will die no matter what I do."

"If you love someone of your one race, you will survive this War," Galadriel said. "Legolas will not return your love. He will choose one of his own race, and you will be left broken and full of sorrow, to die of grief."

"I don't believe you," whispered Ellie.

"Ellie, I do not want you to die. I want you to live happily for many years until old age, not sorrow, takes you. You do not need to choose Legolas."

"There is no choice," Ellie said, the sorrow mingling with a twinge of anger. "I cannot choose my feelings, or anyone else over Legolas. If I die, then let me die. I would die to save him, and the rest of the Fellowhsip. Goodnight, Lady Galadriel."

She attempted to find her way back to the pavilion, but the crying blurred her mind. The tears were so thick her entire face burned, and every step she took made her dizzier. Sighing, she collapsed in the grass, falling into a nightmare-filled sleep full of mutilated bodies and rejection.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

**Lothelen: Well, that ending was a bit dark. But there was some nice fluff in there (the dance scene, swoon!). And do I detect a love triangle (involving an adorable hobbit) emerging? Never fear though. Once a legomance, always a legomance is my new motto. Once again, thank you all for the amazing support you're giving this story. Seven reviews, my God! Let's see if we can break the record and try for eight this chapter, and I'll pass out Orlando Bloom plushies and ice cream cones, lol.**

**Elfwitch: You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny, Cho Chang! So glad you caught that. I believe the prize for catching the reference was a Darren Criss plushie. *Hands over plushie* Some nice fluff in this chapter, and even more to come, so stay tuned and keep reviewing, my friend!**

**Guest: I know, right? I'm seriously going to start a Lord of the Rings theme park, where you can pay ten dollars to fall on top of Legolas. Five extra for an almost-kiss, lol. Thanks for reviewing, and hope you continue to read.**

**lotrjesusfreak: You reviewed again! Thank you so much! I'm honored that this started your love of fanfic. Seriously, never thought this little story could inspire someone to wander into the depths of . I seriously make all these little squeaks when I write fluffy moments, and my parents think I'm going crazy now. Please continue to read and review.**

**Lauren: Aw, shucks, of course I'll continue to write. I think I'd go insane if I didn't, lol. Thanks for reading, and please review the next chapter.**

**Call Brandybuck: Ha, I laughed when I wrote that part. It just sort of popped into my head, along with a bunch of other wacky things I have yet to incorporate. Please, please, please review this chapter, and thanks for your continued support of this story!**

**xxJaimi122xx: I didn't notice that until I read your review, then I was like O_O. Funny coincidence, huh? I added a little bit about Ellie's eyeliner just for you, so please read and review! That rhymed, lol.**

** : Cute and squishy? That's high praise, my friend. I'm so glad you reviewed again, especially since you were one of my first reviewers. Nice to see you back, m'dear.**


	10. Goodbye, Crazy Elf Lady

**Chapter 10: Goodbye, Crazy Elf Lady**

**Author's Note: First of all, I feel appropriately guilty for not updating in months. I broke my ankle, fell behind on schoolwork, exercised like crazy once it healed to prepare for track, and didn't have much free time. I'm back though, and Ellie and Co. will be neglected no more! I'm not doing shout-outs anymore, not because I don't appreciate the reviews, but because they slow down my updates. Thank you so much for your continued support and please, please continue to read and review. I appreciate any feedback you have.**

**Warning: Chapter does contain a little bit of minor sexual material. Nothing crazy, Ellie just lets her curiosity get the better of her and quizzes poor Legolas about elf sex.**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Saruman had long been consumed by his yearning for the Ring, and stood now, tantalizingly close to his goal. His mighty Uruk-Hai, were, in a word, gorgeous. While they didn't possess the beauty of those silly, prissy elves, they were mighty and awe-inspiring nonetheless.

"Hunt them down!" he commanded his army "Do not sleep until they are found. You do not know pain, you do not know fear. You will taste man-flesh!"

The Uruks roared, raising sloppy weapons in the air with relish. Saruman turned to the leader of his fearsome army.

"One of the Halflings carries something of great value. There is a woman travelling with them as well who could be of great use to me. Bring them to me alive. Kill the others!"

"Need the woman be _unspoiled_?" the Uruk asked with a nasty leer.

"She must be mentally sound, as well as the Halflings. Now go!" The troops left Isengard in a uniform line, clanging loudly. The white wizard smiled in sinister satisfaction.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Ellie opened a bleary eye when she heard a vaguely familiar voice ring in her ears. Her head was pounding uncontrollably, the voice sounding far too loud. There were several blurred shapes above her.

"When did you find her, Frodo?" a deeper voice asked. She became aware that it was Aragorn speaking.

"I found her lying here five minutes ago," Frodo responded. The figures came into focus, and she saw the ringbearer, future king, Merry, and Pippin standing above her, their expressions worried.

"Ellie! You're okay!" Merry exclaimed. Ellie sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Whasgoinon?" she mumbled, trying to remember the previous night. Something disturbing had happened that she couldn't quite recall… Oh yeah, there was a party. And then Galadriel's mirror, which kindly informed her that she was going to die. Suddenly, Ellie wished her memory would disappear again. Ack, ignorance truly was bliss.

"The hobbits noticed you were not with us in the pavilion when they awoke," Aragorn was explaining. "They went looking for you, and found you here. You wouldn't wake up, and they were worried something had happened to you."

"Why are you out here?" asked Pippin. "What happened?"

Ellie quickly debated her options. She could tell them about waking up and following Frodo and what she saw in the mirror. But she might be in trouble for spying on him and Galadriel. Even worse, if she told them what she had discovered, they would most likely make her stay in Loth Lorién. And no matter how hopeless or dangerous it was, Ellie couldn't stand being away from Legolas and the Fellowship. Plus, it would reveal her feelings towards Legolas, and who knew how that would go. Heck, they would probably silently mock her if they found out. After all, she was a mere clumsy human girl and he was a stately Elvish prince. She was so unworthy of him it was practically hilarious.

"I think I was sleepwalking and somehow ended up here," she lied on the spot. "Probably the alcohol. I feel hungover."

"Can you walk?" Aragorn asked. "We may be able to acquire some medicine to soothe your head."

Ellie stood shakily, feeling an odd burning sensation in her legs.

"Nah, I'll be fine," she mumbled, not sounding as cheerful as she hoped. "I'm a big girl."

"Lady Ellie, if you are feeling unwell, do not hesitate to ask for help. You will find no judgment here. We have all had our experiences with the consequences of alcohol."

Despite the fact that her head felt close to splitting open, Ellie managed to raise an eyebrow. It was difficult to imagine mature, kingly Aragorn getting drunk.

"I'm seriously fine. I just need to sleep it off. Ya know, in a bed rather than on the ground. Not that the ground here isn't lovely and all," Ellie added nervously, eyes darting in search of any possibly offended elves. One could never be too careful.

"We best be returning you to your quarters," Aragorn said wearily, looking as if he had much more important things to deal with. Ellie took a shaky step and immediately swooned. God, she really was a lightweight if she felt this shitty after a couple cups of wine.

"Come Ellie, I'll assist you," Merry said, attempting to look chivalrous. Pippin let out a rather rude snicker, and his cousin immediately wacked him.

"That would be very helpful Merry, thank you," responded Ellie graciously. She was slowly getting better at this whole acting like a proper lady thing. Merry offered her his arm, despite the fact that it only reached her mid-thigh. Ellie took his hand instead, and the hobbit flushed happily. Pippin rolled his eyes. They headed back to the pavilion, and as soon as the Fellowship saw her they sprung to their feet, relief evident in their faces.

"Ellie! Thank Arda your alright!" exclaimed Legolas, wrapping his arms around her in a soft hug. Ellie stiffened, tears filling her eyes. Under normal circumstances, a hug from Legolas would do happy, fluttery things to her. Now though, she kept replaying what she had seen in the mirror in her mind. Legolas standing over her dead body, grey and withered…

"Ellie? Are you crying?" Ellie sniffled meekly, wiping her nose messily and giving Legolas a watery smile that turned out more like a grimace.

"I'm fine, Legolas. Just have a little headache," she muttered thickly. Legolas looked her over critically, concern evident in his eyes.

"Never wander off like that again, understand?" he said sternly. "You could have been seriously injured."

"Legolas, it's Loth Lorién," Ellie said faux-dismissively. "What could possibly happen to me?"

"There are many dangers just outside the boarders of this land," Legolas insisted. "Anything could happen, and none of us wish to lose you, Ellie."

_You already have,_ Ellie though grimly. She knew what she had to do. It was silly to attempt to win his affections, and even if he did return her feelings their relationship would still end in her suffering. But he never would feel that way about her, so she would take one for the team and distance herself from him. After all, that was what's best for the Quest and protecting Frodo was her primary goal.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Ellie was dimly aware that their stay in Lorien was drawing to a close, but it was hard to keep track of time in Lorien when one was surrounded by pretty elves and prettier scenery. Ellie found her days growing quieter, a nice peaceful feeling soothing her troubled thoughts. She continued her archery lessons with Legolas, remaining cold and detached. If he noticed the change in her behavior he did not remark on it, and she could help but feel slightly hurt that he didn't miss their interactions.

She continued her poor attempts at learning Sindarin, secretly enjoying Legolas' blustering frustration with her repeated failures. It was difficult to remain subdued and quiet when all she really wanted to do was laugh and dance and provoke and confess all of her fears and feelings to him. She pushed on though, determined to quell the pangs of longing she felt each day. Perhaps Legolas preferred her new silence and subdued demeanor. Perhaps he was grateful that her constant boisterous energy was no longer present. Somehow, the thought made her even more melancholy.

In her free time, Ellie found herself quietly wandering throughout Lorien, appreciating the stars and trees. She had never really been a "let's sit around and appreciate the beauty of nature" kind of girl, and frankly believed that this new hobby was due to some tree-hugging inducing drug that the elves slipped into all of the Fellowship's food.

One day not long before the Fellowship's imminent departure, Ellie found herself sitting in a grove of trees, stargazing, when she was suddenly joined by Boromir. She immediately sat up warily, not able to help but feel suspicious despite his more recently amiable behavior.

"Do you mind if I join you?" he asked politely, and Ellie nodded mutely, knowing it would be more than a little rude to refuse such an innocent request. He plopped down somewhat awkwardly next to her, gazing at the sky in contemplation for a moment before speaking.

"You have been quieter of late, Lady Ellie," he announced quietly. Ellie raised her eyebrows. Well, at least somebody noticed.

"The hobbits have been talking about you. They miss your old exuberance, and they see something troubles you. We are all worried for you," continued Boromir hesitantly, fearing that her wrath would soon be unleashed upon him. Ellie gave him an unconvincing grin.

"I'm fine dude, nothing's worrying me," she lied, attempting a smile that turned out like a grimace. "I guess I have been quieter lately, but I think that's more due to these stupid elves. I swear, they've manipulated me into wanting to stare at shrubs all day. Bunch of tree-shaggers if you ask me."

Boromir granted her an appreciative chuckle before sobering. "Ellie," he began, and she was pretty sure it was the first time he had used her first name. "You are not fooling anyone. Something has frightened you. I can see it. Aragorn can see it. Legolas can see it."

She stiffened involuntarily at his name, and Boromir gave her an uncomfortably penetrating stare.

"Are you apprehensive about are impending journey?" he asked. "Lady Ellie, I will not deny that I do not think it is a good idea for you to continue onwards with us. The road will be long and perilous, and no one will fault you if you are frightened of what is to come. I myself hold doubts about the path that the company is obviously prepared to take."

Ellie furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?" Boromir ran a hand through his hair.

"It is clear that Frodo favors heading immediately east and taking the quickest route to Mordor." The name hung in the air like a poisonous gas. "I cannot help but think that he is making a grave error. If we headed west to Minas Tirith, we could acquire much needed reinforcement."

Ellie was aware that they were discussing some pretty serious shit, but had no clue on how to form an opinion. She didn't even know what Minas Tirith was. Somehow, she felt that asking would be silly.

"Oh. Well, I guess you can't really make up his mind for him" she responded, wishing she could think of something a bit more helpful to say. Boromir sighed.

"No, I suppose not," he agreed, but something glinted in his eyes that made Ellie uncomfortable. The look was gone in a flash though, and he smiled wearily.

"It is beside the point," he said quietly. "We should be discussing your worries, not mine. Please, tell me what troubles you. I can provide some guidance."

For a brief second Ellie considered telling him everything. Then she realized that if she did, he would probably scoff at her silly, womanly feelings and force her to stay with the pretty elves till the end of her days.

"I'm completely fine," she insisted firmly. "Seriously. I'm a part of this story now, whether I like it or not, and I'm continuing on this quest. You'd have to tie me to one of these thoroughly-shagged trees to stop me."

To her immense surprise, Boromir threw back his head and let out a loud, booming laugh. "Lady Ellie, you truly are as stubborn as an ox. I find your determination and loyalty admirable." He gave her a broad, easy smile. "Well, I suppose you are coming, whether I like it or not. It will be good to have someone like you along to provide some well-needed cheer."

Ellie grinned goofily. "It's nice to know _someone _is finally appreciating my service. Who would have known a woman could actually be of any help on a dangerous journey?"

Boromir looked sheepish. "I do apologize for how I initially behaved, you know. But you _were _rather immature. The whole bird droppings incident was positively ridiculous."

"To be fair, I _had _just been dropped into another world and been forced to join nine strange men on an extremely dangerous quest," protested Ellie. "I think it's understandable that I made a few mistakes."

"Keep reassuring yourself," said Boromir, eliciting a chuckle from Ellie. Who would have known the guy had a sense of humor? "You have matured since Moria, Lady Ellie. Legolas practically raves about how your archery has been progressing, and Aragorn is pleased that you seem to be finally taking things seriously."

"Aw shucks," said Ellie, flushing. "Don't get too used to it though. I'm just as silly and immature as I ever was. I've just gotten better hiding it."

Boromir smiled sadly. "That is all growing up is though, is it not? We all are young inside Lady Ellie, but we only grow better at masking it." He rose and departed, leaving Ellie feeling confused, conflicted, and slightly depressed.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

The mists of morning hung heavily on the river the day of the Fellowship's departure. Ellie stood with the rest of the Fellowship, a new cloak of a soft grayish green with a leaf brook hiding her shoulders. She had been dressed for the journey onward in a twilight blue tunic, leather vest, flowing skirt, and her black leather boots. She also had the bow Legolas had acquired for her as well as a pack of arrows slung on her back. Though she was certainly more competent at using them, she seriously doubted she could successfully slay anything in a conflict. More than likely she would piss her pants and pass out.

"Never before have we clad strangers in the garb of our own people. May these cloaks help shield you from unfriendly eyes," Celeborn said in his characteristic monotone. Ellie examined her cloak.

"Kind of like Harry Potter's invisibility cloak?" she asked. Celeborn wrinkled his nose in disdain.

"I do not know this invisibility cloak you speak of, but these cloaks are certainly not the same. They will not mask completely, merely disguise," he said.

Soon elves were setting parcels wrapped in leaves in the boats. Ellie was sitting in a boat with Merry and Pippin, feeling slightly more cheerful now that she was sitting with the two happy hobbits. Suddenly stuck with an idea, she turned to Merry.

"Psst, Merry!" she whispered hurriedly. Merry turned to her, his cheeks reddening ever so slightly when he saw how close she was to him. "We should totally open one of these packages and see what's inside!" she said.

"Good idea, Ellie," Pippin said excitedly. "Maybe there's food!" He quickly unwrapped a parcel, revealing that yes, indeed there was food. Some sort of strange wafer. Ellie picked one up and took a tentative bite, chewing slowly. It was delicious, sort of like a Trés Leches cake except in cracker form.

"You guys have to try this," she said through a mouth full of wafer. Merry and Pippin immediately took their own, moaning in delight upon taking a bite. One wafer turned into several more, and soon all four of them had devoured four each. Legolas, seeing the unwrapped parcel in their boat, crossed over to them. Ellie attempted to ignore the sudden combination of shame, sadness, guilt, and butterflies that surged through her stomach. She had been hoping to avoid him. The elf picked up a wafer.

"Lembas!" he exclaimed, looking at it with wonder. "Elvish way-bread. One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man." Ellie just couldn't quell the sarcastic mark that popped into her head.

"Good commercial there, buddy," she said with a devious smile. "You're almost more annoying than that Progressive lady." Legolas' brow wrinkled in confusion.

"Who is Progressive lady?" he asked.

"I think her name is Flo," replied Ellie, furrowing her brow. "Those commercials try to be funny, but all they really do is piss people off."

"Kind of like you?" Pippin asked. Ellie promptly elbowed him in the gut.

Legolas decided that the conversation wasn't really worth his time and wandered off, leaving Ellie to be quietly disgruntled.

"Fine then, be like that and ignore my worldly wisdom and witty dialogue," she muttered mutinously.

"What witty dialogue?" asked Pippin, a little unnecessarily snippily if you asked Ellie. "Normally you just ramble on until someone nicely tells you to be quiet."

Ellie elbowed him in the ribs again. "What, is it Let's Pick on Ellie Day or something?" she asked as he gasped in pain. Suddenly, her stomach twisted in pain too, and she recalled what Legolas about one bite of lembas being enough to fill the stomach of a full-grown man. In retrospect, eating four was probably not a good idea. Pippin, as if unconsciously agreeing with her, burped.

Ellie lazily reclined, observing the rest of the Fellowship. Aragorn and Celeborn were discussing something on the shore, looking very morose. Frodo looked burdened and brooding as always, and Sam was climbing unsteadily into a boat, rather green in the face. Just then, Legolas approached them again, and Ellie stifled a groan. God, why did he have to make this so difficult?

"Ellie, the company has agreed that you will be sharing a boat with Gimli and I." He pursed his lips in distaste at the dwarf's name. Ellie was not happy.

"Why the fuck did you decide that?" she practically shrieked. Legolas winced, whether at the volume or the language, Ellie didn't know.

"Because," he began exasperatedly, "I am experienced in handling boats, and we wish for you to be as safe as possible."

Merry wasn't pleased about the recent development either. "Lady Ellie will be perfectly fine travelling with us!" he insisted. "I grew up sailing on the Brandywine River, and I can assure you that I am perfectly capable of managing a boat."

Ellie smiled gratefully at the hobbit. "Yeah, see, I'll be just fine with Merry and Pippin." Legolas gave her a confused glance, but shook his head.

"I am sorry, but I must insist. Lady Ellie, you are to share a boat with Gimli and I. Boromir will be Merry and Pippin's travelling companion."

Ellie muttered a number of extremely offensive things, which thankfully went unheard, and reluctantly followed him. Gimli was already situated comfortably in the boat. He offered Ellie a small smile.

"Ah, good to see you lass. Nice to have someone a little more exciting than our lovely elven princeling on board." Ellie smiled back, and Legolas scowled (which for him pretty much meant twitching the corners of his mouth and furrowing his eyebrows a fraction of a centimeter).

The Fellowship soon set off down the river, and Ellie immediately swallowed a wave of nausea that swept through her stomach. Avoiding him or not, she most certainly wouldn't throw up anywhere near Legolas. She had a (rather poor) reputation to uphold, after all. Soon she was provided a welcome distraction when Gimli decided to inform them of his sorrow at their departure from Lorien.

"I have taken my worst wound at this parting, having looked my last upon that which is fairest. Haugh, henceforth I will call nothing fair unless it be her gift to me," he said reverently.

"What was it?" asked Legolas.

"I asked her for one hair from her golden head," said Gimli. "She gave me three." Legolas smiled warmly at the dwarf for the first time, but Ellie scoffed.

"Looks like someone's got a crush. Just too bad she's _married_," she said waspishly, feeling the urge to make everyone within a ten-mile radius just as moody and depressed as she was. Gimli spared her a single look of disdain, and Legolas immediately attempted to smooth over the minor conflict.

"What did the Lady give you, Lady Ellie?" he asked, before hastily adding, "Of course, I do not mean to pry and if you do not wish to share…" He looked so adorably worried that he offended her, Ellie wanted to slap him. He was just making it so damn hard for her to not fling herself into his arms and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

Biting her lip, Ellie remembered when Galadriel reached her right after providing Merry and Pippin with their nice, shiny daggers.

_"I give this to you, Ellie, as a reminder of what you have lost, and what you have yet to lose," Galadriel said in her annoyingly mystic voice. _

_She held out her hands, and in them, Ellie saw a delicate silver necklace. It had a simple, circular pendant and a delicately engraved flower. Ellie took it gingerly, and on closer inspection realized it was a locket. Never able to resist the charms of pretty jewelry, Ellie let out a small 'oooooh'._

"_Is this made of that super fancy silver?" she asked as she held the locket up to the light streaming through the treetops. Galadriel smiled._

"_Yes, it is made of mithril," she said quietly. "Perhaps you should open it." _

_Ellie did so slowly, and her eyes filled with tears at what was inside. The right side of the pendent held a small, perfect photograph of Ellie and Amber at Disneyland. Ellie was ten, Amber was five, and the two girls were hugging in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle. The other side of the locket held her favorite picture, her mother and father on their wedding day. Her mother had the same dimple in her cheek that showed when she smiled, and the corners of her father's eyes crinkled exactly how she remembered. A wave of homesickness washed over her._

"_How did you get this?" she asked. Galadriel smiled mysteriously._

"_I have my ways," she said cryptically. "Remember what you saw in the mirror Ellie. I cannot control what decisions you make on this journey, but keep in mind the Prophecy as well as what you saw. Sometimes sacrificing your own happiness for the greater good is the right choice."_

_ Ellie opened her mouth, not entirely sure of what exactly she intended to say, but before she could speak, Galadriel moved onto Sam, leaving her confused, downcast, and strangely grateful._

Ellie bit her lip and touched the locket at her throat. She saw Legolas gazing her expectantly and suddenly wanted to share the pictures of her family with him. She knew she should continue to distance herself from him, but really, what good would come of that? She may never live to see another day on a journey as perilous as this, but she could live today to the fullest, and that included talking to Legolas.

"She gave me this," she said, and quickly took off the locket and handed it to him. Legolas opened it gingerly and gazed at the two pictures, his expression unreadable.

"Who are they?" he asked.

"My family," answered Ellie, and she leaned over his shoulder to point at the younger Amber in the photo. "This is my sister, Amber. I mentioned her before, I'm pretty sure. That was taken about six years ago. Our parents used to take us to Disneyland during the summer." She felt a pang of sadness when she realized she may never be able to ride Space Mountain and buy over-priced stuffed animals again.

"What is _Disneyland_?" asked Legolas.

"It's an amusement park," answered Ellie. "It has all sorts of fun rides and shops and attractions. It's based on stories from movies. Lots of them are fairytales, featuring princesses and such." Legolas nodded in understanding, and Ellie got a reminiscent smile on her face. "Amber and I used to play Disney Princess all the time. I was always Princess Aurora from _Sleeping Beauty _and made Amber be Prince Phillip. She was always whining about playing a boy."

Ellie smiled at the memory, not noticing Legolas watching her closely. "Are these your parents?" he asked, pointing to the picture on the right.

"Yeah," Ellie said, hoping she wasn't boring him to death with her little anecdotes. "This was their wedding picture. When I was little I used to spend hours staring at that picture and wondering if I'd ever find love like that." She smiled ruefully. "My guess now is probably not."

Legolas smiled a little sadly. "Never underestimate love, Ellie. It can appear in the most unexpected times and places." Her cheeks flushed, and she hastily turned back to the photo.

"Sometimes, if I'd promised to be extra careful, mom would let me try on her wedding dress. I thought it was the most beautiful thing in the world, and I'd twirl around in front of the mirror until I got dizzy."

She risked a quick glance at Legolas, and was surprised by the tenderness in his eyes.

"You miss them terribly." It was not a question but a statement, and Ellie didn't bother to deny. She missed her family more than anything, more than the parties, friends, malls, and boyfriends. She suddenly turned away for fear that she would start sobbing.

"Well, there's nothing I can do to see them again, so I'm dealing." She gave him a watery smile, and then laughed, but it was an empty one, no trace of actual happiness to be found.

"May I see the pictures lass?" Gimli alerted them once again to his presence, and Ellie quickly scooted over to show him the pictures. He expressed his sentiments and they fell back into silence, listening to the rushing of the water. Ellie searched for something to say, and eventually settled on nettling Legolas with questions about elves.

"Soooo…how do elves get married? Is there like, a dating process or something?" she asked. To her surprise, it wasn't Legolas that answered, but Aragorn.

"There is a courting process, much longer than what humans usually go through. Elves have infinite time, and choose their spouses very carefully."

"Exactly how long are we talking here?" Ellie asked worriedly. Even if she were to have a chance with Legolas, she didn't exactly have endless time, being mortal and all.

"Decades. Even longer sometimes," answered Aragorn, and Ellie's heart sunk. Decades. She would be old and shriveled by the time her and Legolas ever got married (not that that would happen in a million years).

"There are exceptions though," Aragorn added, a slightly dreamy expression appearing his face. _Oh yeah, he's dating that elf chick, and he's mortal, _though Ellie, and her spirits rose again.

"Is there actual marriage though?" Ellie asked, hoping she wasn't annoying them. "You know, like a ceremony?"

This time it was Legolas who answered. "Yes, there is a ceremony, but marriage is more of a extra convenience than anything else."

"What do you mean?" pressed Ellie, and Legolas looked slightly uncomfortable.

"Well, marriage is not a necessity for elves so much as a title. Elves bond with their soulmates, and no official ceremony is needed once that occurs."

"Bond?" Ellie asked, increasingly interested. "How does that happen?"

"Well," Legolas began, and to Ellie's surprise, a faint blush appeared high on his cheekbones. "To bond, elves mate for the first time."

If Ellie had any liquid in her mouth she would have done a classic spit-take. "What you mean like sex?" she asked. More of the company was blushing as well now, clearly uncomfortable with the subject matter of the conversation, but Ellie's curiosity prevailed.

"Well, yes," Legolas said reluctantly, looking like he'd rather be talking about anything else in the world.

"So, what if an elf had slept with someone else, then wanted to bond with their loved one. What would happen?" Ellie pressed on.

"That does not happen with elves. We save ourselves for whoever we were destined for," answered Legolas.

"So you're all virgins until you find The One?" Ellie asked, incredulous.

"_Yes, _Lady Ellie," Legolas said, embarrassment quickly turning into exasperation. Ellie looked positively flabbergasted.

"Woah, you guys are such prudes," she said, causing Legolas to glare. "What about if you cheat? And does that whole no sex until marriage thing apply to intercourse itself or the whole sexual menu?" All nine males groaned, knowing that Ellie was far from done with her incessant questions.

"Lady Ellie, can you not find anything else to be curious about?" asked Legolas desperately. Ellie crossed her arms stubbornly.

"Nope, not until you answer all my questions." Upon seeing the elf's expression, she scowled in indignation. "Hey, it ain't my fault I don't know any of this stuff, buster. No one gave me Sex Ed for elves in high school. Hell, all I learned was names of a bunch of STDs and how to put a condom on a banana…"

"We usually avoid all sexual activity until we are ready to bond," said Legolas in defeat and hoping to get this done as soon as possible. Ellie sighed.

"God, I am such a slut by elf standards," she said. The company looked mildly shocked.

"Surely you don't mean you've—" spluttered Merry.

"Woah, woah, hold your horses, I never said anything like that," Ellie said, taking a certain pleasure in making her nine companions so ridiculously uncomfortable. Hell, they'd been taking pleasure in her sufferings for the past weeks and it was time to return the favor.

"I'm a virgin," she said, "but I've fooled around a bit. Standards are a lot looser in my world." She was, after all, a sixteen-year-old girl, and sixteen-year-old girls are bound to do certain things.

"Indeed, Lady Ellie, they must be, for I seem to recall you mentioning kissing someone of the same gender," Boromir said somewhat mischievously. Ellie let out a groan.

"Oh god, not this again," she moaned, as Boromir and the hobbits smirked. "I'm telling you, it's completely normal where I come from! Yeah, some people frown upon it, but most people are really accepting."

"Same gender relationships are heard of here," Frodo mused, "But such things are frowned upon heavily, social standards and all."

"Yeah, well, I'll make sure not to make out with any girls then," Ellie said, rolling her eyes. Her curiosity now quelled, the company settled back into a comfortable silence.

The sky grew dim, and Ellie soon became aware of two things: She was very, very sleepy and desperately needed to pee. The sound of rushing water really wasn't helping, but she valiantly attempted to control her bladder and hoped desperately that they would soon stop for the night. Unless, of course, they were planning to row the whole night to make more progress or some crazy shit like that. Ellie decided to speak up.

"Uh…Guys? I hate to be a bother, but I'm exhausted. And I have to pee really bad. Like, I think I'm going to wet myself if I have to listen to all this water for one more minute."

Legolas looked mildly alarmed at the thought of Ellie peeing in his precious boat. "Lady Ellie is right, Aragorn. The hour is late, and would all do well with some much needed sleep."

Aragorn sighed wearily at the thought of stopping but had to agree when Sam let out a long yawn. "I suppose we have made enough progress for today. Rest will be well deserved."

Soon the Fellowship was setting up a pitiful camp on the rocky shore, and after she had traipsed a little ways off to do her business Ellie curled herself into a blanketed ball and shivered. The night was cold and the damp air from the river certainly didn't help. Sniffing pitifully and thoroughly missing her own nice, warm Pottery Barn bed at home, she attempted to sleep. Sleep was not to come though, and instead she became aware of Frodo and Sam conversing nearby.

"You haven't eaten anything all day," Sam was saying worriedly, "You're not sleeping either. Don't think I haven't noticed Mister Frodo…"

"I'm all right," insisted Frodo wearily, but Sam was having none of it.

"But you're not!" the larger hobbit exclaimed. "I'm here to help you. I promised Gandalf that I would."

Ellie could hear the weariness in Frodo's voice. "You can't help me Sam…not this time. Get some sleep."

Sam reluctantly obliged, and soon his gentle snores filled the makeshift camp. Ellie, feeling some companionship would be nice, crawled over to where Frodo was sitting broodingly.

"Hey," she sniffled, and the ringbearer granted her a weary smile.

"Hello Lady Ellie," he said gently.

"Thought I might cheer you up with my clever wit and stunning beauty," she joked weakly, and Frodo let out a short laugh.

"I think Merry would appreciate that more than me right now," he said teasingly. "He seems quite taken with you. All we've been hearing about since that silly feast the elves gave us was how pretty you looked in that dress. You did look lovely, of course," he added, giving her an exceedingly kind smile, and Ellie felt cheered. He was suffering through so much and yet still remained a complete sweetheart.

"Aw shucks, I'm pretty sure Legolas is prettier than me most of the time, and he's a guy," she said. "Taken with me, huh? Can't imagine why. All I've done since I've got here is made a complete fool of myself."

"That's not true," Frodo protested, but Ellie smiled ruefully.

"Let's see. I threw a huge fuss when a bird pooped on me and nearly made Gandalf explode, sang Christmas carols for two hours while hiking up Caradhras, thought the password to Moria was a fruit, attempt to save you with mouth-to-mouth and sort of ended up kissing you, had an eating contest with Pippin, nearly killed Pippin several times during archery lessons, and drunkenly threw myself at Legolas."

Frodo laughed. "Well, I suppose you have done some rather silly things," he said. "But you've also done plenty of productive things as well. You did try to save me, even if you went about it the wrong way, I remember you maiming quite a few orcs, and Legolas is quite impressed with your budding talent in archery. Besides, your antics, silly as they are, are cheering to all of us. It's a nice relief to have something to laugh about in such dark times."

Ellie gazed at him, touched. She was still surprised she had managed to find a friend in the sad, serious ringbearer, but appreciative all the same. Suddenly, she continued telling him her worries; how she had followed him and looked in the mirror, what she had seen, how hopeless she felt. A second later she internally shook herself though. Poor Frodo had more than enough problems for a lifetime carrying the Ring and further burdening him with her problems was the last thing she should be doing.

"Thank you Frodo," she said instead. "No really, thanks. I can't tell you how much I appreciate knowing that I've actually done something right on this journey." For a moment, the hobbit and the human girl smiled at each other, both just a little more content with their messed situation. The moment was ruined a second later when Ellie sneezed, shivering violently.

"You're cold," said Frodo worriedly, studying her critically.

"Nah, I'm just not acclimated to this damp air," Ellie said. "I'll be fine." Frodo gave her a stern look that immediately made her feel like a foolish child.

"You will not be fine if you're shivering like that. We can't have you becoming ill. Come here," he beckoned, and Ellie obeyed quickly, lying down next to the hobbit. He was small and the extra blankets didn't do too much to warm Ellie, but there was something comforting about his presence. Sighing contentedly, Ellie shut her eyes and let sleep take her.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

**Author's Note: Like I said, Frodo is being featured heavily since we won't be seeing that much of him after the breaking of the Fellowship until the end of ROTK. Simply put, he's my favorite hobbit, and I love the friendship he has with Ellie, so I'm taking full advantage of that until he goes off to Mordor with Sam. Please read and review and maybe Legolas will give out free kisses.**


	11. Seasick, Homesick, Elfsick

**No Malls in Middle Earth: Seasick, Homesick, Elfsick.**

**Author's Note: First of all, words can't express how thankful I am for the amazing reviews. Eleven in a day guys, wow! I'm going to continue with shout-outs to thank you guys for your continued support of this story. Hope you keep enjoying it! Second, I'm starting a Frodomance if any of you are interested. I'll admit I'm more of a Frodo Fan than a Legolas Luster, so I'm doing it as a side project in addition to this story. Please check it out, and maybe review? **

**Disclaimer: I don't Lord of the Rings or Ellie. Most of the time, she bosses me around and tells me what to write.**

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

Thanks to their cushy stay in Lorien, Ellie had grown used to being provided with delicious (if a little fattening) foods, having a warm bed to sleep in, and using nice, clean latrines instead of squatting behind bushes. Now they were on the road again, and the more unfortunate aspects of camping returned with much enthusiasm to bite her in the ass.

Days of sailing on the river passed slowly, each more nauseating than the last, and Ellie grew used to waking with a crick in her neck, an aching bladder (she was afraid of doing her business in the middle of the night for fear of being ambushed while she peed), and a nasty taste in her mouth reminiscent of armpit and dirty socks. On the ninth day, she awoke sorer and grumpier than usual. Sitting up and massaging her neck, she let out a groan.

"Good Mornin' to you, Miss Ellie," Sam said cheerfully, preparing some sort of breakfast.

"Fuck," said Ellie by way of greeting, already in a thoroughly bad mood. The other three (well, two. Frodo's appetite was growing gradually worse) hobbits were happily devouring what looked like some sort of cold mush.

"Nice to see you too," Pippin said amiably, content with her foul language as long as he had a meal in front of him. "Want some?" he asked, holding out his bowl. Ellie looked at it and felt her stomach lurch unpleasantly.

"Don't we have lembas?" she asked.

"Aragorn says we should be rationin' it, Miss Ellie, and we can't be makin' a fire and risk being seen, so I prepared somethin' different," explained Sam. As if he had read her thoughts, he added, "It tastes better than it looks. Give it a try." Scooping out a generous portion, he handed her a bowl. She took a tentative bite and found that he was right. It tasted nice and sweet, sort of like cream of wheat.

"Are you sure you aren't a wizard, Sam?" she asked between mouthfuls. "You're the only person I know who could make cold mush taste like heaven." Sam turned a little red and muttered his thanks.

"You slept late," Frodo commented, setting his still-full bowl to the side and initiating a worried look from Sam. "Aragorn wanted to get you up, but Legolas insisted that you needed to recover your strength. You should thank him."

"I will," Ellie said absentmindedly, "And he's right. Nine days out and I'm still adjusting to sleeping outside again, dammit." Merry nodded.

"I miss all the elves and their wonderful food, as well as having a nice warm place to bed. Not that this isn't splendid, Sam," he added quickly, careful not to insult the gardener's excellent culinary skills.

"Where are the others?" Ellie said. "Didn't leave without us, did they?" She was only partially joking.

"Yes, we've been left alone to fend for ourselves. They finally got sick of our antics and abandoned us to be eaten by something horrible," Frodo said solemnly. Seeing Ellie's stricken face, he let out a chuckle. "No, silly. I daresay leaving without me would be rather counterproductive to the whole purpose, wouldn't it?"

"Nice to see you smiling, Mister Frodo," Sam commented. "You've been much too serious lately."

"I take partial credit," Ellie said smiling, "Being a natural born comedian and all."

"Keep telling yourself that," Pippin said. Now that he considered her a friend it was perfectly acceptable to insult her every two seconds. Ellie ignored him.

"All jokes aside, where are they? Shouldn't we be leaving soon?" she asked.

"They're getting the boats ready as we speak," answered Frodo. "We should be on our way shortly." Ellie finished her cream of wheat and smacked her lips.

"God, I wish I had a toothbrush. My mouth feels so nasty. I swear, by the time this whole thing is finished half my teeth will have fallen out or rotted." Instead, she settled for gargling some reasonably clean water and splashing in her face to clear the sleep out of her eyes. Looking through her small pack revealed an unpleasant surprise: She had forgotten a comb.

"And apparently I'll have to cut all my hair off as well, since it will be impossibly tangled by the time we reach civilization again," she groaned, wishing not for the last time that she possessed some shampoo and conditioner. A few styling products would be nice as well. Perhaps some mousse or hairspray…

"Are you ready to depart?" The men plus Legolas and Gimli had returned, all a little damp and grim as ever. "The hour is late and there is much progress to be made," Aragorn announced. Ellie let out a low moan. More nauseatingly slow sailing on the river…

"Uggh, can't we have a few more minutes?" she begged, giving him her best puppy dog eyes. Aragorn looked alarmed.

"Lady Ellie, did you get something in your eye? And no, we do not have time to spare. I understand that you are weary, but you chose to continue on this quest and continue we must." Feeling appropriately chastened, Ellie straightened her things and prepared to leave.

During the course of the day, Ellie learned several things: She was seasick, homesick, and thoroughly elfsick. Seasick and homesick were understandable. There was only so much rushing water and uncomfortable lurching one could take before they wanted to curl up in a ball and be comforted by their mother. But being elfsick was an entirely new experience. Maybe it was because Ellie was already so miserable or Legolas was in a particularly nagging mood, but by the time they were ready to set up camp, she was nearly delirious with frustration.

It began as soon as the boats began their slow path down the river.

"Lady Ellie, in the future you must try to rise earlier. We cannot afford a delay because one member of the company is less than eager to wake," Legolas said out of the blue.

"Huh?" asked Ellie, a little startled by his tone and the fact that he called her Lady. "But I thought you were the one who told Aragorn to let me sleep?"

"Yes," Legolas said in exasperation, "Because you needed to recover. But we lost valuable time, and one minute could mean the difference between success and failure."

"Look, I appreciate that you like talking all mystic and stuff, but I have no idea what you're on about," Ellie said wearily. "Could you please repeat that in teenage-girl language?"

Legolas sighed. "One extra minute spent waiting for you to rise could give a pack of orcs or other foes a valuable opportunity for an attack. It is irresponsible of you not to think of the consequences of your deep sleep."

Ellie was thoroughly taken aback. "Woah, geez dude, I'm sorry. I'll be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow." Sure, perhaps that was a little unlikely, but it was the thought that counted. Legolas, however, was still not appeased.

"The crack of dawn is far too early to get adequate sleep. And without adequate sleep, we may be weaker in the face of an attack." Ellie gave him a strange look.

"Ooookay then, you set the time and I'll set the alarm," she said, now feeling a little fearful that she had once again made a grave error. Thankfully, it was Gimli who spoke and not Legolas.

"What is an _alarm_, lass?" he asked gruffly.

"Ugh, be glad you don't have those here," Ellie said, definitely not missing early school hours and the horrible beeping that came with them. "They're little clocks that make loud, obnoxious noises that tell you when it's time to do things." Gimli didn't seem to need further explanation.

Ten minutes later, Legolas was at it again.

"Lady Ellie, in future instances please try to get ready more quickly. It took you and the hobbits far too long to be ready to move this morning."

Ellie stifled a groan. "Okay Legolas," she said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'll make sure to get ready as quickly as you can. I'm already not brushing my hair, teeth, washing my face, or changing clothes, so I guess all I have to do now is not eat breakfast and starve to death. Will that be fast enough for you?"

Legolas looked at her sternly. "Blatant rudeness has no place on this journey, Lady Ellie. We are letting you accompany us despite the fact that you would be much safer in Lorién."

"Hey, it's not like I was begging to come with you guys because I thought it would be all fun and games," Ellie snapped indignantly. "I know it's not going to be a fucking pony ride. I wanted to come because I can help protect Frodo, though god forbid I actually accomplish something, being a silly woman and all."

"Gender has nothing to do with it," Legolas said firmly. "You would be safer remaining in Lorién because you have no knowledge of how to survive in the wild and have barely begun training in combat. Speaking of which, when do you intend to practice your archery? We cannot let your skills deteriorate."

"Whenever you have time," Ellie said moodily, crossing her arms. "Though I seriously doubt I'll be able to continue studying Sindarin while we're travelling. Unless of course you want me to practice on my own without books while I'm also practicing my archery and getting ready at the speed of light."

"You could always practice while we are sailing, given that you do not have anything else to do," Legolas pointed out.

"Are you willing to help?" Ellie retorted. "There's no way I'll be able to make any progress on my own."

"I am always happy to assist you in your studies," Legolas said, though he sounded extremely grumpy about it. Ellie groaned in frustration.

"Can't I rest at all? I mean, don't I have enough on my plate without learning a completely new language?" she asked. Legolas gave her a sharp look.

"In case you forgot, it was your idea to study Sindarin in the first place. I have plenty of other things to do with my time other than tutor you. Lady Ellie, there will be no time to rest on this trip! Even when sailing you should be constantly thinking, planning defenses, calculating strategies in case of a conflict. If you do not practice constantly staying alert how can you expect to survive?"

Ellie muttered something along the lines of exactly which orifice he should stick his survival strategies before settling into a nice moody silence. Content to wallow in self-pity and stare sulkily at the scenery, she was less than pleased when Legolas went at it again five minutes later.

"Tonight, Lady Ellie, perhaps you ought to help set up camp instead of immediately traipsing off when we stop," he said.

Ellie spluttered indignantly, "I immediately traipse off because by the time we're done for the day I'm usually about to piss myself!"

"Well, perhaps if you rationed your water intake you would be able to be a little more patient." Ellie was rapidly becoming furious, her cheeks tinted an ugly shade of maroon.

"I drank barely anything yesterday!" she shrieked. "The rushing water just makes me have to pee. And in case you forgot, I've been holding it all day every day so we can make more progress on these stupid boats." Several birds were frightened into the sky at her exclamation, and Aragorn granted her an exasperated glance.

"Lady Ellie, may I recommend keeping your voice down? We are trying to maintain some sense of secrecy." Ellie's mouth worked furiously as she pointed an accusatory finger at Legolas.

"He's picking on me! And it's not my fault I don't possess the invincible bladder of an elf. I'm human, fuck it, I have to pee!" She immediately winced at how whiny she sounded.

"Lady Ellie, I seriously doubt that Legolas was 'picking on you', as you put it," Aragorn sighed. "And can you not wait until later? We really should not be stopping."

"I didn't mean now, I meant in general," Ellie said, sinking further into the boat in defeat. Legolas let her be for twenty minutes before opening his incredibly perfect mouth once more.

"Lady Ellie—" he began, but was immediately cut off.

"Fuck, Legolas, what the hell is wrong with you?" Ellie's pent up rage and frustration came spewing out of her in one (extremely noisy) stream. "Are you on your period? Having some serious PMS? Got a little sand trapped in your vagina?"

The entire fellowship stared, and Ellie immediately realized that she had crossed a line. Sure enough, Aragorn's anger was upon her a second later.

"Would you care to repeat that?" he asked, voice dangerously low. Ellie face shifted from angry to guilty to completely terrified.

"Er…I said I got a hand mapped in my retina?" she tried. Aragorn, unfortunately, didn't buy it.

"Lady Ellie, this sort of disrespectful behavior is entirely unacceptable. Legolas has been nothing but kind to you and you repay him by treating him as if he has done you some great offense? You will apologize now, or Eru forbid we will escort you back to Lorién."

Ellie came to realize two things. One: Aragorn was a very, very scary bloke. Two: She was incredibly stupid. Tentatively, she gazed around at the Fellowship, looking for sympathy from the hobbits, Gimli, or even Boromir. They were all stony faced.

"I-I'm sorry, L-legolas," she sniffled, feeling tears come to her eyes. Legolas didn't meet her gaze, his expression unreadable.

"I was going to ask if you were hungry," he said tonelessly. A fresh surge of guilt crashed over Ellie's stomach, making her feel sick. He was only trying to offer her food.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, "God, I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I'm just so worried and tired, and I thought you were purposely trying to guilt more for goofing off or accuse me of thinking this Quest is one huge game," she continued, and as the words tumbled over her the weight of her arrival in Middle Earth hit her like a ton of bricks.

"I'm just so frustrated and scared, and I took that out on you. God, I'm just a stupid teenage girl. I don't know anything about how to survive in the wild or win a battle. This all way too much for me to handle but I want to help anyways because you guys have been kind to me, and you're the only friends I have in this fucked up nightmare. But all I seem to do is mess up."

Legolas' expression softened. "Ellie…" he began, but now that she had started talking the words just wouldn't stop.

"You're probably right Boromir. I should have stayed in Lorién. I don't really belong on a dangerous Quest. You can take me back if you want, but you really shouldn't waste valuable time for my sake," she finished, trying desperately not to cry. Aragorn's eyes remained unreadable.

"Lady Ellie, my better instinct tells me to return you to Lorién as soon as possible," he began, and Ellie's heart fell to her stomach. "But, like you said, we have already traveled far and returning would be a running a great risk. The Enemy may already know of our quest and we just cannot afford to waste any more time."

Ellie looked up hopefully.

"But do not expect to get away with behaving the way you have," Aragorn continued sternly, "This is a serious mission, and we have no tolerance of foolish behavior and petty rudeness. If you make a sincere promise to act more maturely, and if Legolas does not object, you may continue with us."

Ellie nodded, knowing he was being generous. She really had behaved horribly. And Legolas was just trying to prepare her for the rest of the Quest so she would have a better chance of coming out alive. He never meant to hurt her.

"Legolas," she began, more solemn than she had ever been in her life. "I am deeply sorry for insulting you the way I did. I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you, and I promise to trust your guidance and behave in a mature way from now on." Legolas gave her a nod.

"I accept your apology, Ellie," he said simply. For a second, the Fellowship sat in an awkward silence. Thankfully, Aragorn seemed ready to let the matter go, and a second later he was acting the part a tour guide for Frodo.

"Frodo, the Argonath! Long have I desired to look upon the kings of old. My kin."

A million sarcastic remarks immediately popped into Ellie's head, but she was thankfully rendered speechless before she could say any, as it was definitely too soon to go around making fun of Aragorn. It is challenging to describe in words what a sixteen-year-old girl feels when she looks upon two hundred foot statues of Kings of Númenor, but it was something along the lines of "Holy shit, those things are huge!"

"The hour is late, we should stop for the day," Aragorn announced, even though the sun still burned bright overhead. The fellowship maneuvered their boats to the gravelly bank, climbing out and preparing to set up camp. Ellie approached Legolas tentatively.

"Can I help?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't outright refuse. She really didn't think she could handle any more rejection at the moment. Thankfully, Legolas nodded.

"Come, you can help me unload the boats," he said, and Ellie followed him willingly, standing silently while he handed her parcels of lembas and packs of supplies. Finally, the stiff atmosphere grew too much to bear and she spoke up hesitantly.

"Legolas?" she asked. He made a little "mm" sound in his throat, which she took as confirmation to continue. "Are we friends?"

"Of course, Ellie," he said, smilingly warmly enough to cause a fresh surge of guilt to settle over her heart. "I should hope all of us our friends, as we are embarking on a perilous journey together." Ellie's heart sunk.

"O-oh, well, I mean, do feel like you're friends with me in particular?" she tried again, hoping desperately that she wasn't pushing any boundaries. Legolas let out a quiet sigh, set down the parcels in his arms, and placed both hands on her shoulders.

"Ellie," he began solemnly. "I am going to be completely honest with you. When you first arrived here out of the blue, I thought you rather silly." Ellie's heart nearly broke in two, and she bit her lip hard enough to draw blood in an attempt to stifle the urge to sob. Legolas, either not noticing or not caring, continued. "It is understandable that you should act silly, considering your age. You are young by human standards, Ellie, and practically a child to most elves." Her eyes were starting tear up now, stinging her eyes, but she refused to reach up and wipe them away.

"As our quest continued, you did numerous ridiculous things, and at the most inappropriate times." He didn't mention the bird poop, but Ellie knew he was thinking of it. "You also, however, grew as well. You injured several orcs in Moria, you attempted to save Frodo, and in Lorién you took the time to learn how to defend yourself and took an interest in learning the language of my people. I was impressed, Ellie, that while taking things more seriously, you still managed to retain some of that childlike joy from when you first arrived."

"I noticed a change in you soon after the feast held in honor of the fellowship and Mithrandir. You became distant, cold, and I feared that you had been broken and the darkness of this world had finally been too much for you. I was reassured on our first day on the river. You seemed happier and more open, more like your usual self." Ellie blushed, remembering her incessant pestering of Legolas.

"Today, I kept questioning you and correcting you because I feared you were becoming distant and sad again. I hoped to keep you engaged and thinking, because we cannot afford to become distracted on such a dangerous mission. I will admit, I was surprised and a little angered when you insulted me so." Ellie hung her head in shame, her heart in shambles.

"I was confused," she admitted, "Because you seemed friendlier to me before. I thought I did something wrong and that you were mad at me, and it made me angry. I really am sorry for being a bitch." Legolas winced at the language but looked understanding.

"Ellie, you must understand that while on this Quest it would be dangerous to become too emotionally attached to one person, even if that person is a friend," he explained gently. "I did not want you to become overly dependent on me for fear that you may be hurt. I can see now how you misinterpreted my actions."

"So what happens now?" asked Ellie. Legolas offered a sad smile.

"For now, we simply must go on, and let whatever is to happen, happen," he said. He then leaned over and gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead, but it felt more like an affectionate kiss a brother would give to a younger sibling than a romantic gesture. He then strolled off to speak with Aragorn, leaving Ellie standing there, bundle of wood in her arms, to stare after him.

Sometimes hearts can break cleanly in two when they are outright rejected, but somehow they manage to mend themselves in time for the next suitor to come along. Other times though, hearts break messily, an inch from shattering but barely held together by false hope. Such was the state of Ellie's heart as she stood there staring after Legolas. He thought of her as silly, young, naïve, not even someone to consider as a romantic interest. Yet he also called her a friend, told her he worried about her, and said she had matured. Ellie's lip trembled and desperate for a distraction before she curled into a ball and cried, she ran over to Gimli and the hobbits.

"No dwarf need recover strength," Gimli was saying indignantly to Pippin, " Pay no heed to that young Hobbit." Pippin however, was staring at Ellie in concern.

"Ellie?" he said softly. Ellie couldn't answer. It was no use, the dam burst, and soon she was sobbing very noisily. She wasn't a pretty crier, and before long her nose was red, her eyes were puffy, and her face covered in snot. Pippin, not being particularly adept at comforting crying human girls, looked uncomfortable. Scooting over, he offered her a tentative pat on the arm.

"Um…there, there, Ellie," he said stiffly, but Ellie only cried harder. Gimli looked even more uncomfortable than Pippin.

"What happened to you, lass?" he asked, but didn't get an answer for several minutes thanks to the thickness and ferocity of Ellie's tears. She collapsed on the ground and rocked back and forth, releasing weeks of pent up frustration, sorrow and rage. Finally, she calmed enough to form a semi-coherent answer.

"I'm so s-stupid!" she wailed, and Pippin and Gimli exchanged a glance. The comforting duties were silently appointed to Pippin, and he sat next to Ellie hesitantly.

"You aren't stupid," he said. "You just speak without thinking sometimes. Believe me, I do the same thing all of the time. And Gandalf would call me 'Fool of a Took!' and I'd feel sad for a couple of minutes, but at the end of the day, it's not the end of the world." Ellie gave him as hard of a look as she could muster.

"I d-doubt you ever asked G-Gandalf if he had sand t-trapped in his vagina," she said despairingly.

"Well, no," Pippin admitted, "But I said a good deal of other stupid things. Just ask Merry or Frodo! I don't know how many times I've gotten a good hard knock from Ma or Aunt Esmie for not knowing when to keep my mouth shut."

"B-but you're always nice, Pippin!" protested Ellie between sniffles. "Even w-when do something you shouldn't, at least you m-mean well! I-I'm just a horrible bitch."

"Well, you were a bit rude to Legolas," Pippin agreed, and Gimli shot him a glare when Ellie's bottom lip began to tremble again. "But we all make mistakes!" he said quickly. "I'm sure he knows that."

"He hates me," Ellie said morosely. Gimli let out a huff, clearly indicating self-pity time was over.

"Now you are being ridiculous," he said gruffly. "I'm sure the elf doesn't hate you. Yes, he was delivered a nice blow to his pride, but I'm sure he'll recover."

"He practically took me aside and told me hates me," Ellie insisted, though she knew it was a slight exaggeration. "He tried to be nice about it, but the message was clear."

"If he hates you why would he try to be nice to you?" Pippin, ever reasonable, pointed out.

"Because…because he's an elf!" exclaimed Ellie, as if this was the answer to all of life's questions. Hmm, perhaps that would work on a math test. What's the square root of 768? Legolas is an elf.

"Yes, I _know _that," Pippin said, now thoroughly exasperated. "But he would still try to be honest with you!" Ellie looked at him skeptically.

"How would you know?" she asked. "You aren't an elf."

"Yes, I know that too!" Pippin said, sending a Gimli a "Please help me!" look. "I'm just saying that if I were Legolas, and you told me I had…" he blushed "Well, never mind. _I _wouldn't hate you. I'd be a little upset, sure, but I wouldn't _hate _you. And even if I did, I'd probably say it to your face. Or at least say something nasty back." Seeing Ellie's still disbelieving expression, he let out a long sigh. "Oh, I can't deal with this anymore. I wish Merry were here."

As if on cue, Merry returned to the campsite carrying a small bundle of wood. He took one look at Ellie and sighed, "Oh dear. What happened, Lady Ellie?" Ellie's distress returned quicker than you could say "bipolar".

"Don't ever call me a lady again! I don't deserve it! I don't even deserve to be spoken to," she wailed. Pippin let out a huff.

"Goodness, if all females are this dramatic I'm never getting married," he said exasperatedly. "Merry, please help me, I've had enough of crying women for a lifetime." Merry contained his slight eagerness at comforting Ellie and nodded solemnly.

"Don't worry Pip, I'll talk to her. Watch and learn now, this may come in useful in the future." Getting down on one knee, he placed a comforting hand on Ellie's shoulder.

"Ellie, do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked gently, fighting to keep a grin off his face. The trace of a smile disappeared in an instant when she let out a wail so loud it nearly ruptured his eardrum.

"NO!" Pippin smirked when his cousin winced in pain. Swallowing hard, Merry persevered.

"You'll feel better if you talk about it," he tried again. "You can trust me, Ellie. We're friends."

"I don't deserve to be spoken to!" she sobbed, now bordering on Hamlet levels of melodrama. "Leave me to die alone!" Merry's patience snapped.

"Good gracious, I can't deal with this anymore," he said, almost brought to tears himself. For all of his infatuation with Ellie, there was only so much crying one could take before they went a little crazy.

"Yes cousin, I see now how to comfort a maiden in distress," Pippin said with a smirk. "Thank you ever so much for showing me the way. I am eternally grateful, willing to write a song or poem in honor of they way you so effortlessly calmed the fair Lady Ellie—"

"Shut it, Pip-squeak!" Merry snapped, giving his younger cousin a glare he had clearly learned from Gandalf, Ellie still sobbing on his small shoulder. "I wish Frodo were here, he is so good at this sort of thing…Ellie would you mind not getting snot on my sleeve? "

"Like you?" sniped Pippin.

"I said, shut it!" Merry said with a growl worthy of a warg. "Frodo's good with words, he'd be able to say something…" He glanced around camp, searching for the blue-eyed hobbit. Mild interest quickly turned into concern. "Where's Frodo?" he asked more loudly.

All hell broke loose.

**O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.o.O.**

**Author's Note: Dear god, Ellie is such a brat. I wanted to strangle her several times during that for being such an insolent drama queen, but she had to learn her lesson and Aragorn gave her a well-needed talking to, thank goodness. If anyone catches the South Park reference in there I'll give you a ring of power cupcake. Nothing like a desert of ultimate doom to brighten your day! Sorry this was a little short, but I couldn't include the breaking of the Fellowship and Ellie's little dispute with Legolas in the same chapter so it's a little shorter than normal. **

**Abigail Peredhil: Wow, thanks for the four reviews. I really appreciate it, so thanks bunches! ^_^ You'll be seeing your character soon, so stay tuned!**

**Lotrjesusfreak: Ellie puts poor old Lego through the ringer. I love awkwardness just a little bit more than I love sugar, hence the high amounts of it in this story! And I'm glad you like the Frodo friendship, I was afraid it was a little too sappy. Ah, what can I say? I'm in love with his eyes! Thank so much for the review and hope you continue to read.**

**Petaldawn: Pretty name, love it! **** Glad you enjoyed and thanks for reviewing, hope you enjoy this chapter too!**

**Firerosemon: Lol, I kept bursting out in hysterical laughter while writing that. My parents thought I had finally cracked. Thanks for your continued reviews and hope you keep reading!**

**rosalee: Aw, thanks so much. That means a lot to me. I think a lot of readers are biased against young writers because of clichés, Mary Sues, and such, so thanks for giving this a chance! Hope you continue to read.**

**M: Thanks for the review and hope you keep reading! ;) **

**Girl of the Secret City: If you're talking about which hobbit has a crush on her, it's Merry (though he is rather exasperated with her now thanks to that temper tantrum). Thanks for the two reviews and hope you keep reading.**

**omnonlegolas: First of all, thanks so much for your review on my new story! I'm always a little scared to post new stuff and your review restored my confidence, lol. As a person who went insane long ago, I can assure you that it's completely awesome. I won't make you wait for an update though, and both stories will have new chapters added this weekend! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


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